To say no to dog on holiday

[Tired88p85]

We live abroad. We are going to the UK to see our families next spring when our baby will be 8 months old. My in laws have downsized so we can't all stay with them comfortably (DH is one of 4 and everyone is coupled up). So DH and I are booking a large villa for everyone for a long weekend. Everyone is contributing a bit but we are paying the majority of the cost. BIL wants to bring his new dog and I've said no. Dog is a blue (?) pitbull and will be around 1. They don't actually have the dog yet, they're in the process of bringing it home (I don't know the details).

1. I am terrified of dogs. I was attacked by one when I was 7. I have worked on.my.phobia to the extent I can now be around dogs for a few hours, I can go for a walk in the park etc (things I couldn't do 10 years ago). But being in the same house as a young pitbull for 5 days will send me over the edge.
2. baby will likely be crawling. I don't want to spend my holiday making sure baby is kept away from the puppy.

BIL has kicked off. Everyone is sort of on.my side in a "she's unreasonable but we want to see the baby so suck it up" kind.of way. It's making me feel horrible. I've been asked nicely to reconsider but if I say no everyone else is still coming. BIL is not clear on whether this is a deal breaker for him.

FWIW I'm not a dog person at all.

My DB has the most gorgeous blue staffie and he is brilliant with my DN and DC. No I would never leave DC alone with ANY DOG. All dogs are unpredictable.
However, he's got a much nicer calmer temperament than BILs stupid happy white fluffy dog that people would probably assume is 'cuter' - but definitely less child friendly!

Given your fear and the fact it'll be a puppy YANBU.

Are dogs even allowed in the property? Apart from anything else puppies can be destructive little buggers so I wouldn't be risking my deposit.

You do sound a little bit precious first born. There are plenty of compromises that could be made, your bil could and probably would bring a crate, baby gate etc. Plenty of people have dogs and babies and it is managed just fine. The fact you were saying the dog is a pit bull when it is actually a staffie, already shows your drama levels. You are going to be one of those mums that passes on all their phobias and fears to their children (I would say parents, but I’ve mainly seen this with mums).

It really doesn't matter if they think you are reasonable or not. No to the dog. The BIL can make a decision, come or stay at home with dog.

The nanny dog thing is a complete MYTH.

Historically bull breeds were NEVER used to look after children.

Bull breeds kill and maim more children than any other dog type.

@Tired88p85 Stick to your guns.

Bil is an idiot. The dog is being excluded, not him. Make sure you book a non dog friendly place. It’s insane to suggest that he bring his new unknown dog to a highly stressful situation with lots of strangers, worst possible thing to do to a dog.

BIL sounds like a dickhead. You should be happy he doesn’t come, he will likely bring the dog.

Watch out for that and be prepared to tell him to piss off.

I wouldn’t expect my dogs to be included in a situation like this. I’d get a sitter or I wouldn’t go.

"Hi all having slept on it I feel SO bad that BIL can't be with you all so we've gone ahead an booked xyz so that baby can get some space from puppy if needed, let me know whether to cancel the main house accommodation or not".

Just becayse some people have dogs doesn't mean op has to holiday with one, especially if she's paying for a big chunk of the accommodation!

I adore dogs but I still feel YANBU.

Your phobia aside, and the dog’s breed aside, (although I’ve only heard good things IRL about Staffies), the mix of a young dog and a baby is not great. My dog is a nearly three year old Labrador but he’s an excitable fellow and I don’t even leave him in the same room as my 8 year old nephew. It would be really stressful having to watch the baby and the dog at the same time.

Especially Op as you’re paying and they’re all insisting on being in the same house. The alternative could be that you hire a place with a separate annex for the dog to stay in but it sounds like your family won’t accept that. So you are definitely not being unreasonable in asserting your wishes here.

I adore my dog, almost a bit ridiculously,
and hate to leave him behind with a dog sitter, but I still realise that there are times and places for him to be included and when not.

Until XL Bullies were created SBT were the most featured in the statistics of fatal dog attacks on humans in the UK.

The "nanny dog" is laughably ridiculous. Just because one bloody fool came up with the phrase doesn't make it true!

One look at the statistics proves it. "Nanny dogs" don't kill children. Ever.

Even without your fear of dogs and regardless of the dog breed, YANBU to not want a one year old puppy around your 8 month old.

Your DH needs to be the bad cop and draw a line under it, no dogs allowed.

Feeling awful is not nice but it’s just that a feeling it’s not a fact. Tempting to cave in in order to make the feeling go away but stay strong. Perhaps think about why you feel awful (I would as well as I’m a reformed people pleaser) and if this happens in other areas.

In my dogs home? No. I would manage it in as far as I would keep the dog away from the other person. However, if they visit my home where my dog lives I would not lock him away.

As it is I have a Basset Hound so mostly he sleeps in his spot and couldn't care less who is here. So dog may well choose to be in a different room.

I do let people know I have a dog before they visit.
Their choice if they then want to visit.

Oh, give over. I don't have small children and am not afraid of dogs, nor do I dislike them. I just wouldn't want to share a holiday rental with a dog.

It is people like you who give dog owners a bad name. What don't you get about the OP not wanting a young dog staying with them? Not everyone feels the same way as you do about dogs.

@Tired88p85 the options are: BIL finds somewhere else to stay, you find somewhere else to stay or he finds someone to look after the dog.

TBH it might be better for your sanity if you have somewhere else to stay. Being cooped up with so many people is very stressful even without a baby.

You're paying the majority of the house, and your BIL is being unreasonable. If he wants a dog, he'll have to take responsibility for it in terms of paying for his own dog friendly accomodations or missing out. You're not the slightest bit unreasonable, you're taking care of your own health and the safety of your baby. Your family shouldn't be asking you to reconsider.

Totally agree that it's laughably ridiculous. Colby termed them 'Nanny dogs' to make them more marketable to families. Then his dogs killed his nephew (I think he was 2 years old).

I wouldn't budge on this, op. As pp's have suggested - can you say you're not allowed pets in the accommodation?

Proper Stafford are usually very sweet tempered. And much smaller than people think.

What features in attacks is the Staffy cross - a totally different beast - often part pitbull

And as reputable rescues don’t home dogs directly over Christmas, the timing of this dog’s expected arrival suggests very strongly that this is a cross, and is coming from a not particularly diligent route.

(OP - if there is time to re-book accommodation, then that’s what I’d do. Get somewhere for your family only. Then they can all stay together and see you during the day for lengths of time of your choosing. Get your DH to explain that BIL’s reaction has changed how you both see the trip, and as you now realise everyone wants to see the dog then of course he should bring it. But you will be in a separate place. And of course you’ll be visiting again when the dog isn’t so new, and you can have the family (humans only) gathering that you had been looking forward to at that point)

Are you the same person who works in the legal profession? And you think these are reliable and unbiased sources? Yikes!

Don’t be daft you make whatever rules you like - dog owners need to be prepared that not everyone wants an animal in their house and around their child. It’s part of being an owner and having that responsibility. In the same way I wouldn’t kick up a fuss if someone didn’t allow kids to weddings - part and parcel of it.

i think there is some confusion, no where was it stated they were unbiased they were among the top five of many results that were thrown back from
a quick desk top search.

MN is not a court of law, you know that, right?

I agree. I never relied on trusting our soppy, never growled once Labradors 100% with even our own children when they were young. We always supervised them with our own children. And anytime another baby or child came round, the dogs went away. For the dogs safety as much as anything. Other people’s kids did all sorts of things I didn’t anticipate!!

Definitely no to the dog coming (and I love dogs, have two of my own). Just not fair on the dog!