To say no to dog on holiday

[Tired88p85]

We live abroad. We are going to the UK to see our families next spring when our baby will be 8 months old. My in laws have downsized so we can't all stay with them comfortably (DH is one of 4 and everyone is coupled up). So DH and I are booking a large villa for everyone for a long weekend. Everyone is contributing a bit but we are paying the majority of the cost. BIL wants to bring his new dog and I've said no. Dog is a blue (?) pitbull and will be around 1. They don't actually have the dog yet, they're in the process of bringing it home (I don't know the details).

1. I am terrified of dogs. I was attacked by one when I was 7. I have worked on.my.phobia to the extent I can now be around dogs for a few hours, I can go for a walk in the park etc (things I couldn't do 10 years ago). But being in the same house as a young pitbull for 5 days will send me over the edge.
2. baby will likely be crawling. I don't want to spend my holiday making sure baby is kept away from the puppy.

BIL has kicked off. Everyone is sort of on.my side in a "she's unreasonable but we want to see the baby so suck it up" kind.of way. It's making me feel horrible. I've been asked nicely to reconsider but if I say no everyone else is still coming. BIL is not clear on whether this is a deal breaker for him.

Righto, so all these changes in the breeding in the last couple hundred years means that these dogs are now suitable for childcare rather than bull baiting?

Not unreasonable at all. I love dogs to bits but what are you going to do with it? If you want to go out, who stays in with the dog? Puppies can be destructive so you can't really leave it alone or it could be bye bye deposit. If you want a day out it either has to be dog friendly or someone has to stay with it. It changes the whole feel of the holiday.

No YANBU. And I say this as a dog owner who takes their dog on holidays with us. But in this situation, if we were told no dogs we would have to make arrangements for dog to be looked after for the weekend. I mean it's only a long weekend, not fortnight away! If not possible to find care for the dog then we would have to say sorry we can't come but there would be no hard feelings either way. But given it's not a last minute trip, they have ample time to arrange something or book into kennels. You have to accept that owning a dog means extra expenses and that not everyone wants to spend time with your dog 🤷‍♀️ BIL is being v v unreasonable!

He can get his own place to stay in if he wants to bring the dog! Acting like a petulant child and they don't even know what temperament the dog has yet...around a baby? nope

Is BIL in the UK, or will he be travelling from abroad too?

If it is an actual pitbull and he's planning to bring it into the UK I don't know what would happen. Would it be siezed at border control if the docs do say pitbull?

Either way he's an idiot to think he can safely bring a dog of any breed that he doesn't even own yet to stay with a baby and it'll all be fine.

The majority of dogs nowadays are not used for their original intentions. That doesn’t mean that a dog bred for killing is now suitable to babysit the children. I absolutely guarantee that if someone was inclined to, they could take a puppy from a litter of any staff bred today and have it happily fighting in the pits and rings again. The use of ‘nanny dogs’ are for idiots who like to promote dangerous breeds

I’ll correct my earlier post - staffies haven’t just attacked children, they have killed them.

I would hit the roof if my BIL made a fuss over this.

The nanny dog didn’t come from the 1970s….the origins are from late 19th century England.

and no, dogs should not be left alone with children. I have clearly stated that and the reasoning in a previous post.

Many years though in the legal
profession though, has taught me you can’t argue with stupid - which a lot of posters on this thread appear to be.

A dog is a dog, I offered what I considered was a compromise for the OP, although another poster decided for her it was not a compromise 🤣

I'm a dog lover and have a 2 year old.
My 2 year old lives with dogs and knows how to behave and play nicely with them. We decently visited a friends house for the first time and their 9 year old "good with children" staffy was there.
It's true he was good with children for the first 30 minutes but by the hour mark he was fed up with having the ball thrown and the toddler running around. He wasn't nasty but visibly began to look uncomfortable and therefore was quickly removed to another room.

This situation was managed well because they know their dog and its ques and both parties knew how to behave around each other which I'm not sure this other young dog will know to do. Our friends older dog had the restraint to signal its discomfort while a younger pup would have been more likely to give a nip. If we had to share a villa for a weekend it would have been a nightmare.

Personally I don't think its safe for your young child and this young dog to be forced into each others company for such a long period.

Same for most dogs am afraid, they would fight. They are, after all, animals.

They’re still fighting dogs ffs. I’m very aware of the history being a breeder myself. There’s knuckle draggers by me who like to use them/cross breed them with lurches for badger baiting. Yes I have reported them. There’s ancient dog breeds thousands of years old that still have the traits that were bred into them at the beginning of their existence

yanbu

Hell no. BIL can stay at home. And if he can afford to get a dog, why can't he afford to pay his share for the villa?

no way, I’d tell my dh the message needs to come from him or I’m not going if I’m left to be the bad guy for caring about my baby. I’d draft for him: all, we’d love to see you but can I be clear, Johnny is my baby too and no we do not want a dog staying. We want to be able to put Johnny down without worrying. Jack (Nik) can find some other accomodation if this is a deal breaker, because it is for us and would be for many many parents.

lol and you know what humans did in medieval times, right? And still do in countries like Syria and Afghan…..I mean…..look at human traits.

i have never said to leave a child with a staffy! My goodness - you may be a dog breeder, but it seems you are not able to read and understand plain English.

But enough of high jacking the thread.

• The OP is not being unreasonable.
• No dog should be left with a child.

Over and out.

I also have a severe fear of dogs and despite therapy, it isn't going anywhere.

It would be a no from me, esp if I were paying. If my BIL with the dog was organising and paying and the dog was going, I just wouldnt go.

In my experience, people are understanding to a point (some are anyway). Usually however, the dog that will 'definitely stay in another room/in a crate' etc appears unexpectedly. Cue much, oh gosh, we forgot ha ha oh dear.
Plus, the added fear of having to go to the bathroom in the night and not knowing if the dog is definitely secured etc.

Your BIL doesn't fill me with confidence he will be very understanding if he does bring it. Probably a tense atmosphere at best.

I don't understand how some people cannot see past their dogs. Lovely to read so many understanding posts on here, hopefully you will be reassured it's definitely OK to say no and not feel guilty about it!

He will find out quickly no one will be keen to have his dog around.

" BIL wants to bring his new dog and I've said no. ...BIL has kicked off."

I love dogs. But BIL can go fuck himself.

I love dogs and have two asleep next to me as I type.

If you've organised the house and are paying the lion's share then no, BIL does not get to dictate that his dog can come. He's being arrogant and thoughtless.

@Isiteveroktousethecword
The nanny dog didn’t come from the 1970s….the origins are from late 19th century England.
Could you provide a source for that, please? I have only ever found the 70s version.

No way. I don't have a phobia but I wouldn't want to be on holiday with a bloody dog. No.

You are not at all unreasonable. Don't cave op, this is a boundary for you and your sole focus needs to be keeping you and your baby safe.

Dh needs to be protecting you both and telling his brother to respect your wishes.

They haven't got the 1 year old dog yet, it's less than 2 weeks till Christmas! Not enough time to know the dog or their temperament!

Likely ddog wouldn't be allowed to stay in the house alone so all trips /meals out would have to accommodate ddog. That's rubbish imo. And I say that as a ddog owner who takes 2 on our trips. Changes the holiday entirely..

I love dogs, but there is no reason they should have to come everywhere. YANBU.

Wikipedia, and just a quick google. There are multiple sources.

Pitbulls are banned in UK so most likely another breed . No way would I allow this - I adore dogs but I wouldn’t allow a dog of unknown temperament ( of any breed) to be around a crawling baby .Even the most placid dogs should be closely supervised and that’ll be stressful for you and BIL .