Fell out over peanut butter

[Rosegarden47]

Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not buy peanut butter?

A few months ago when exposing my DD to peanut butter for the first time my hands broke out in a really itchy rash. The second time, the rash turned into hives and my lips swelled slightly and got itchy. I took an antihistamine and it calmed down. I’ve always despised/been kinda phobic of anything peanuts so I’ve not handled it for as long as I can remember. I’m not saying I have a severe allergy or anything, but I’d just rather not take the risk so I asked my husband if we could not buying it in future. I started buying my daughter cashew or almond butter instead which she really loves and I don’t have an issue with.

Well, since then my husband has started buying it all the time and jokes that I “helped him rediscover his love for peanut butter”. I bit my tongue at first because he used to always wash any plates or cutlery he used, but now he’s just started leaving all his peanut buttery things for me to deal with. Aside from my allergy concerns, the smell literally makes me want to vomit.

Today he sat down next to me at the breakfast table and opened the jar and I said “yuck, I wish you wouldn’t buy that stuff.” He completely flipped and said I was childish and rude for insulting his food. He said the hives and itchy lips were all in my head and called me a liar and said I’d never asked for him to not buy it in the past.

I didn’t want this to be a big deal and I’m hurt my husband won’t respect my request about one food item he rarely bought in the past. I have no idea if I’m being unreasonable or not asking him not to buy peanut butter.

This @Rosegarden47

Not at all. But believe what you want 😴

You must urgently make an appointment for gp.there is every chance you may develop an anaphylatic reaction..additonally you may be allergic to other nuts.

I read all your updates OP and I'm so sad for you

Your partner is abusive and I wouldn't feel safe with someone like that

Also the comments you made about it being his money wtf, the only reason he can go out and work is because you facilitate this by looking after his child. The fact you have to sell things on Vinted just buy something for yourself is shocking. This is not right.

Also what you described him doing to you when you were pregnant is also terrible and shocking

The fact he's threatening to take your child and swearing at you in front of your 18mo daughter, he's a bad man

I would be making a plan of action on how to get out/get rid of him. I would be seriously worried about this escalating further. Whatever you do, don't have any more children with this man

Also, he is your husband so actually you are entitled to "his" money

Came here to write this OP. Please reach out for help. Womens aid or your GP.

Does your DD qualify for childcare funding? Could you get a little part time job somewhere, try and build up an escape fund and at the very least buy a test for your allergy.

You are married and a SAHM to his child so of course you are entitled to the family money. You should not have to beg. Don’t let your daughter grow up in this environment, break the cycle. Also you do know that if you divorce him you will be able to get child support and also maybe benefits which will mean you have independence.

Wishing you a way out of this abusive situation.

At the end of the day, it is his money and I’m not entitled to anything It's shared money.He earns; you facilitate this by caring for his child.If you weren't entitled to anything, you would be able to get universal credit, but of course you can't because he is earning.

It is NOT his money

You are married. You are raising his child. You are running his home.

Get legal advice. Very fast

Just commenting to echo others he is abusive. I think you should leave. Remember you have struggled to see this abuse because you grew up with abuse as your normal- this is what's happening again for your dd. Do you want her to think this is normal?

On reflection I am really concerned for you @Rosegarden47 He is abusive in multiple ways.

Please seek support to put distance between yourself and this man. I am sorry to say that from personal experience, it won’t get better. You can do this, 💐

Allergic reactions build up with exposure unless medically managed she has reactions that are getting worse each exposure....as I've already said with my wasp stings it wasn't until number 10 or 11 I ended up in hospital. I agree other abuse is going on but the allergy thing is part of it and potentially life threatening.

So your being mentally, physically and financially abused you need help to get out of this.

Reactions don’t build up and get progressively worse over time, they are more unpredictable than that.

However, those that have had a severe reaction before are more likely than others to have one again. Those with asthma are also more likely to have a severe reaction.
Amount and type of allergen, as well as the health of the person at the time of exposure, play a part too.

Yep chuck it in the bin, and the peanut butter

i havent responded to a lot of comments quoting me because i havent seen the need given some other comments. OP hasnt tested for it - broken record. but at 6am just put my baby back to sleep and i'm wide awake, so in response to @jannier my initial comment was in response to the OP - if the NHS didnt take it seriously and it wasnt obvious enough for DH to take it seriously and OP didnt consider it a severe allergy herself and the fact that she has been handling his dirty plates without telling him to deal with them himself given her allergy, then saying 'yuck i hope you would stop buying that stuff' was in my view unreasonable and bound to cause a fight. i have an allergy myself but we still keep PB in the house for DH. since then loads of people are saying the PB allergy may more serious given the hives she once experienced and yes thats true so although i still dont agree with the way it was put at the breakfast table, if OP doesnt feel safe around PB then DH should be respecting that, its up to OP to explain it properly to DH otherwise it just comes across as controlling. but now since OPs further posts, its clearly not just about PB. theres other deep rooted issues such as not having enough money for herself because she is a SAHM and physical abuse which shouldnt be tollerated.

It's not HIS money it's FAMILY money. That's why you can't receive benefits right now because they assume you have access to family money. But he's a horrible abusing prick so you don't. At least you'd get Universal Credit if you weren't with him.
You need to seek advice as he is financially abusing you.

Was given one day’s notice after telling my work that I was pregnant. I know it was illegal for them to do that, but I lived in fear of my boss and as my pregnancy was complicated it actually came as a relief at the time which is why I didn’t take it to a tribunal

Wow, you should really look into that

Your husband is controlling and abusive. You need to leave.

I'd see another GP as my dd had allergy tests and hasn't been hospitalised because of her allergy to dairy.
Your husband is being completely unreasonable. As someone else said I'd worry he'd have some on his lips if you kissed him just to test your allergy.
We take our dds allergy very seriously. We are very careful not to cross contaminate her food and drink. Your husband should be doing the same. I think if I were you I'd be making sure I had everything in place should I decide enough was enough.

I have a nut allergy like yours, uncomfortable but not life threatening. Most nuts cause a topical skin reaction in me and peanuts ingested will make me throw up. I avoid all nuts to be on the safe side. As soon as I moved in with my partner he stopped eating nuts/ peanut butter. He used to have nutty cereal which I didn’t think of as a big deal, but then started having a reaction from kissing him, so he also gave up nutty cereal. These are the actions of someone who cares about me and my health, even though he really misses those things! Whenever he goes away on his own for work or his hobby I’ll buy him a couple of nutty bars and tell him to make the most of the nutty granolas at breakfast!
OP your partner is being ukind and selfish and I would be seriously reconsidering my relationship with someone like that.

I have a deadly peanut allergy; my initial symptoms after exposure are itching hives on my hands, torso and face, then wheezing and stomach cramps. Within seconds, I go into shock. I have only minutes to get a jab of epinephrine in.

Please OP, take these physical signs very seriously! With every exposure to peanuts, your sensitivity will increase and eventually, you'll develop a life-threatening allergy.

With every exposure to peanuts, your sensitivity will increase and eventually, you'll develop a life-threatening allergy.

That’s not how it works but I agree OP needs to see a doctor again and get tested. She could be at risk of a severe reaction if she accidentally eats peanuts.