Fell out over peanut butter

[Rosegarden47]

Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not buy peanut butter?

A few months ago when exposing my DD to peanut butter for the first time my hands broke out in a really itchy rash. The second time, the rash turned into hives and my lips swelled slightly and got itchy. I took an antihistamine and it calmed down. I’ve always despised/been kinda phobic of anything peanuts so I’ve not handled it for as long as I can remember. I’m not saying I have a severe allergy or anything, but I’d just rather not take the risk so I asked my husband if we could not buying it in future. I started buying my daughter cashew or almond butter instead which she really loves and I don’t have an issue with.

Well, since then my husband has started buying it all the time and jokes that I “helped him rediscover his love for peanut butter”. I bit my tongue at first because he used to always wash any plates or cutlery he used, but now he’s just started leaving all his peanut buttery things for me to deal with. Aside from my allergy concerns, the smell literally makes me want to vomit.

Today he sat down next to me at the breakfast table and opened the jar and I said “yuck, I wish you wouldn’t buy that stuff.” He completely flipped and said I was childish and rude for insulting his food. He said the hives and itchy lips were all in my head and called me a liar and said I’d never asked for him to not buy it in the past.

I didn’t want this to be a big deal and I’m hurt my husband won’t respect my request about one food item he rarely bought in the past. I have no idea if I’m being unreasonable or not asking him not to buy peanut butter.

I know! And the response wasn’t ‘odd’ at all. Classic symptoms of allergy.

Pet allergies can also cause anaphylaxis and require an epi pen. Regardless of the allergen, hives and facial swelling are indicative of a severe allergic reaction.

It's a valid question. Nothing to do with misogyny. She has not been tested or diagnosed. She has had some mild symptoms associated with allergy which the GP surgery advised her to treat with an antihistamine tablet if it happened again, and may or may not have been as a result of contact with peanuts. Lots of people have health anxiety which causes them to fixate on all sorts of health issues which may or may not be present. If that does not apply to the OP then she is welcome to come and tell us that.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, she needs to get properly tested. Not so she can tell her husband he's wrong, but so she can either relax, or take the appropriate steps to protect herself in future. If that means paying for testing then so be it. It's not going to be massively expensive. There is no point in trying to convince someone else to respect your life threatening allergy when you yourself have no evidence that you have a life threatening allergy. Even the GP surgery was not particularly concerned when she told them about it.

She's had serious symptoms and poor medical advice from a GP not following guidelines.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you & that you're protecting yourself by not accepting it. But what you describe is horrifying, it's such a specific act of violence.

It happens quite often on here, someone pops in with a seemingly innocuous problem (not that yours was) & it comes to light that the problem is far bigger than they want to realise. That's you, right now, & I hope that now you've 'vocalised' it its become more real.

You deserve better than this & for your sake & your child you must find a happier & safer place than this.

Someone with health anxiety checking in - give it a rest. Getting tested means access to potentially life saving meds for an allergy that's already there, she's not making it up.

Let me clarify, I’m not fixated on having an allergy or being hysterical. I said in the original post I wasn’t saying for sure I had an allergy, just that I’d rather be safe than sorry as it definitely wasn’t nice having my lips swell up and itch. Peanut butter was something my husband only occasionally had so I didn’t think it would be a big deal to ask him not to buy it anymore. I did take steps to get tested, but according to my GP I didn’t meet the threshold for the NHS to bother spending the money. I’d love to get tested privately, but as my husband has control of our finances, I don’t feel able to ask for that

Yes they can also sometimes cause anaphylaxis. However, you know as well as I do that the majority of people with hayfever or pet allergies will not be prescribed an epipen. If their breathing is compromised, particularly if they’re asthmatic, that may be different.

My point was that, contrary to what you said, most people won’t be prescribed an epipen for hives or facial swelling. They are symptoms of a mild/moderate allergic reaction and not a severe one according to guidelines.

He is abusive, I’m sorry. Please contact Women’s Aid. They are really helpful and will guide you.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

The allergy debate and peanut butter aside, this is really worrying, more so with every update.

I cannot imagine not feeling able to ask my husband for something similar.

I hate these abusive twats, to hell and back.
Bastard.
Sorry.

This is negligent of your trust. I would escalate this further and kick up one hell of a fuss! It was the lead consultant who told me the above.

Ok. But I will never believe you over what I was told sat in the room at my sons appointment with the head of paediatrics who runs the allergy clinic and prescribed me my sons epi pen…

And I'm never going to believe that every person with hay fever is supposed to be walking around with an epipen because they might suddenly go into anaphylaxis.

You do meet the threshold; your GP is wrong on this and you should take it further with the practice. Doctors do sometimes get things wrong and in this case you should be tested.

Did your GP understand that you were having this level of reaction without having actually consumed PB?

FFS can you please all stop bickering over who has what allergy and who is right and read OPs updates

Unfortunately the allergy seems to be the least of her problems and she's getting some great advice but it's been hidden under posts where you're all sniping at each other 🙄

Yes. She said the guidelines have only changed quite recently. I really don’t get the logic of needing to be hospitalised before they test, by that point I don’t think there’ll be much doubt left

I don’t think hayfever is the same as food-bourne allergy given you’re not ingesting the pollen!!!!!

You need to book an appointment with your GP as you may need an Epi pen, take the twat with you and let the doctor explain in little words how dangerous peanut butter is too you. Make sure he is not the recipient of your pension or life insurance.

Is it possible to go back and see a different GP OP? It does sound very strange.

It's still an allergy. It's still an allergen entering the body. People don't ingest bees but they can still be life-threateningly allergic to them.

You said your top consultant said that "once you are diagnose with an allergy, you are given an epi pen because by nature the reaction gets more severe with each exposure."

What that actually means is in your child's case, their allergy is so severe that repeated exposure to the allergen will make them very ill and so they will have to carry an epipen. That is specific to your child. It does not apply to all people and all allergies.

You wrote @Rosegarden47 ".....I'd love to get tested privately but as my husband has control of our finances, I don't feel able to ask for that."

I'mthat this your reality and with him. How dare he make you feel like that.
If your daughter, when she is older thought she had a severe allergy but her partner scoffed and ignored her and she felt she had no control over finances to get a test done privately what would you think OP ?
What would you advise her to do ?

Do you have a sympathetic parent that would help fund a private test OP? If my daughter came to me and explained what you've experienced, I'd be insisting on helping her with a test.

That aside, I agree with so many others here. Your DH is an abusive dick. Don't let the good times cloud your judgement on this. Read back your posts as though it was your sister or daughter telling you what she was suffering and try to think objectively about what you'd advise.

I lost my job when pregnant and now I’m a SAHM. At the end of the day, it is his money and I’m not entitled to anything

I'm so sorry OP but he has you so worn down that you aren't seeing this for what it is. He is financially abusing you. He is emotionally abusing you. He is verbally abusing you. He is physically abusing you. You are not safe while you are with him. Please please reach out for help from women's aid.