Why are so many men single

[Winter2028]

I know quite a few single men in their 30s. They all have jobs and their own properties. Their friend groups are also overwhelmingly single men; a single friend of mine who is a civil servant used to live in a houses where where all the men had similar jobs and all struggled to find girlfriends (the flatmates apparently railed a lot against 'feminazis'); another friend of mine (late 30s) socialises with a group of 6 friends where only 2 are in relationships (they are all nearly 40) and the rest are single not through choice.

This creates an impression that its hard to get a girlfriend and its because women have more choices and are more picky today (my friend don't think this is a bad thing but it also means they support things like government sponsored dating!) These men are probably not an anomaly as the rise of the far right is apparently correlated with the rise in single young men. However as a woman my impression is that many poor men are in relationships (my dh was a penniless graduate student when we married in our early 20s and his sisters also married men who were poor in their 30s; one of my SIL even had to share a hotel room with her MIL and baby and DH and she she is planning on having another baby with him). Sadly many abusive men are in relationships.

So what is the reason why so many men are not in relationship when women's expectations are hardly sky high. Is it lack of social opportunities (they do go on dates but my impression is the dates don't go anywhere). Is it lack of charisma (many uncharismatic men I know are also in relationships)?

Lovely little first post from a robot ticking a lot of boxes to get people annoyed!

Being in a relationship isn’t seen as the be all and end all so people are less afraid to be picky?

I know large numbers of single women who have good personalities, are attractive, have good jobs. They have a good sense of their own self-worth and aren’t settling. Perhaps these men are doing the same.

What is government sponsored dating?

(the flatmates apparently railed a lot against 'feminazis')
herein lies a clue about the reason for their single status

I can’t say I relate to your post - I have various wide social groups and only know one single man (considering people in their 30s/40s). I have many single female friends. Almost all of them aren’t particularly interested in dating or finding a partner. We mostly have decent jobs and busy social lives and dating is just a hassle.

Western society

there no need to be in a relationship plus there is a 50% chance of divorce after 10 years.

I’m not sure about ‘sponsored’ but some countries do indeed have schemes to introduce people to each other with the aim of increasing the marriage/birth rate.

My son is 22, he had a group of about 8 good friends, all around the same age. All bar one are single. He gave up trying to meet anyone about a year or so ago, he gets a bit down about it sometimes.

Reading about husbands' bad attitudes towards responsibility, homes and children here on MN might keep women single....

They have it in singapore (basically the government organizes events for singles often based on their educational status like dances cruises etc and its all free or heavily subsidized). My own parents met at such an event (disco at a hotel) 35 years ago, my dad was an engineering graduate and my mum was an accountancy graduate; law and medicine graduates are similarly paired off and so on and so forth.. this is all voluntary and tbh these days there is a stigma, social development unit is also known colloquially as 'single, desperate ugly '. It probably was different in my parents time as only 1% of the cohort then went to university so harder to find matches who were at your educational level.

my mum apparently went to the event to meet her friends and score some free food, my dad was keen to find a girlfriend before he went abroad to work (short term contract). They did hit it off and are still happily married 35 years on with 2 daughters and a grandchildren on the way. So I suppose it worked for them. I know of no other country who does this though macron was talking about government sponsored dating in france.

My experience is rather the opposite, certainly by late 30s - most men coupled up but lots of single women struggling to find partners.

But generally the traditional means of finding partners - through friends, family work etc. have gone off a cliff and dating apps have all completely and irredeemably enshittified.

Because the world doesn't revolve around being married anymore. Women and men can make choices.

Possibly because some men have unrealistic ideas of what kind of woman they want.

Actually, if you make it to ten years then divorce rate drops to 20%. It drops each year thereafter until there is only a 2% chance of divorce after 30 years.

That's the thing. It would be normal if it's due to choice (many reasons why relationships are not attractive) but they are still dating in hopes they will find someone. One of my friends is also disappointed he is getting less attention from women on nights out..

Womens standards have raised over the years, their less willing to accept bad behaviour.

Depending on the generation, being married was the be all and end all. It's not like that now, aside from reproducing we dont really need men for anything

Maybe your friends are simply unattractive and not much fun.

A lot of women in that age group aren’t about throwing themselves at men on a night out, they’ve matured

Probably because these men think that their job and property is all they need to bring to the table. Women's standards aren't sky high, I find most single women friends are looking for someone who will be an equal partner in a relationship. That means the man can cook clean and do the washing and not have to be told or instructed how to do so.
The feminazi comment shows that these men you know don't want an equal partner in a relationship they want someone to pick up after them, cook for them, tell him hes amazing and give her mediocre orgasms and expect her to be grateful. It's not a bad thing that they are being left on the shelf.

Maybe if they hadn't been so picky about dating feminists in their 20s, they wouldn't be single now.....

In Singapore the incentives to marry are so much greater than they are here though. Both socially and financially, and being able to buy a flat etc. In the UK the pressures are just not comparable.
Government sponsored dating wouldn’t work here as many woman are perfectly fine with being single. I’m sure there are some that would like another way to meet potential partners, but it would probably just attract a load of strange men who are just as undesirable as the ones on the apps and you’d be stuck for a whole day or overnight trip with them 🤣

I don't think the shift to online, algorithm based dating favours men at all. Women are far more choosy than men are - which makes evolutionary sense. Men have a 0.6% match rate, whereas women have a 10% match rate.

If they are serious about dating then they can't do it from behind a screen. They'll have to have a realistic assessment of their level of attractiveness to women and not hold out for unicorn perfection.

Meanwhile, I think the easy availability of porn is killing sexual appetite for men. I wouldn't be surprised if their efforts to find a partner aren't very robust or sincere. It's less effort to get your effort free kicks online and complain that real world women aren't throwing themselves at you.

I think most of the PP’s have covered it. Women are less and less willing to put up with shitty behaviour, want complete equality in a relationship and idiots like Andrew Tate are convincing men they want perfect little sex robot wives and not ‘feminazis’ 🙄🙄🙄

Also I think the PP who mentioned porn has a point - many years ago the final straw for me to leave an abusive arsehole was him watching increasingly out there porn and expecting me to comply. We do need, however, as women and as mothers, to teach our children that this is not normal sex and try to skew the normal back to, well, normal. I’m reading increasingly horrific things about what young girls are doing or thinking they have to do because of the increasing availability of porn.

These men sound like overgrown boys, that’s why. Who wants to be with a man with stunted maturity. Oh he has a house and a job? By his 30s? Errr that’s called being an adult, whereas here they are thinking ‘/dusts off hands, my work is done, now where be all these ladies throwing themselves at me!? …’ Yeah pass thanks. I can get my own house with my own job. Men need to up their game and think of relationships as equal partnerships. These men clearly don’t.

I know one of these. He basically thinks his job and salary in Fintech and his expensive suits entitle him to no less than a supermodel. Trouble is we're now in our 40s so he's considerably less appealing to the 25 year olds he fancies...

I'll bite.

Women don't owe anyone anything. They certainly don't owe some random man attention.

Why is this place so incel-y these days?