Why are so many men single

[Winter2028]

I know quite a few single men in their 30s. They all have jobs and their own properties. Their friend groups are also overwhelmingly single men; a single friend of mine who is a civil servant used to live in a houses where where all the men had similar jobs and all struggled to find girlfriends (the flatmates apparently railed a lot against 'feminazis'); another friend of mine (late 30s) socialises with a group of 6 friends where only 2 are in relationships (they are all nearly 40) and the rest are single not through choice.

This creates an impression that its hard to get a girlfriend and its because women have more choices and are more picky today (my friend don't think this is a bad thing but it also means they support things like government sponsored dating!) These men are probably not an anomaly as the rise of the far right is apparently correlated with the rise in single young men. However as a woman my impression is that many poor men are in relationships (my dh was a penniless graduate student when we married in our early 20s and his sisters also married men who were poor in their 30s; one of my SIL even had to share a hotel room with her MIL and baby and DH and she she is planning on having another baby with him). Sadly many abusive men are in relationships.

So what is the reason why so many men are not in relationship when women's expectations are hardly sky high. Is it lack of social opportunities (they do go on dates but my impression is the dates don't go anywhere). Is it lack of charisma (many uncharismatic men I know are also in relationships)?

I'd happily go away!
Never wanted any children either, but sadly, 20 years ago I "married up".
😂

Indeed. I’m also interested in why he equates women with ‘drama’.

Unless he's just fobbing off his mum.
"Why are you still single? Ain't you found a nice girl yet?"
"Can't be doing with the drama, Mum".
Exit stage right, because he's quite happy how he is.

One of the problems with threads titled "Why are so many men single[?]" is that it presents it as a problem. And whilst there are some single men who are a problem (incels, alpha bros, etc.), being a single man isn't automatically a problem. There are some Mums people that do prefer a problem because they prefer catastrophising/they find it easier to talk about something when it's framed as a problem.

I know a large number of single women in their mid forties. Two of whom have never been married/long term relationship or have children.

If they were men they would definitely be considered weirdos. Maybe they are 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think for some men who struggle to date/ have relationships, the main reason is that they have generally poor social skills. They may blame it on any number of things but very simply, they just don’t have (and possibly lack the capacity to develop) the necessary social skills to choose a likely partner/ establish or maintain a relationship. They often have a skewed view of what relationships actually are and how they work that I don’t think is as straightforward as something like deep seated misogyny. And if their only friendships are with other men who have a similar mindset particularly if a lot of the interaction is not irl, I think this is evidence that the problem extends beyond romantic relationships.

Well just look at all the posts on here to get a snap shot of how many women feel about men. I don't think it's fair and I don't think it helps women in the long term but many women seem to actively despise men (and vice versa). I blame antisocial media. Unfortunately I think it's women who suffer the most in the end as biology puts limits on how much time we have to find a partner and start a family, men don't have this and can go through their incel years and come out the other end in their 30s / 40s and still have the option of starting a family. Personally, I know many women who are single and without children (not by choice) and when we speak about dating I have to bite my tongue as their expectations are fucking ridiculous! They want the guy to he 6 foot earn 6 figures have a 6 pack no different to the men who expect to find a girlfriend who has supermodel looks, can have baby after baby whilst maintaining a perfect figure and be ready for sex twice a day whilst keeping the house perfect. lol seems to me it's a race to the bottom for both sexes atm I feel really sorry for young people.

The research shows that single childless women are the happiest and that it’s a myth that marriage and children significantly increases happiness. So it might not actually be bad for women in the long term. It’s probably bad for the human race overall but I think it’s a result of women realising that they don’t actually have to be someone’s domestic servant all their life. Especially since now there’s a big risk that you will get tossed aside in middle age and be financially fucked. At least in the pre divorce days you were secure for life if you married well. Now you might give up your job and pension and then your DH fucks off with someone else and you have to go on benefits and face an uncertain retirement.

They cannot find a beautiful, intelligent woman who owns a brewery and they refuse to settle.

That's a male perspective, anyway.

Any male in particular? I'm a man and that doesn't describe me!

How sad to give up at 22! Surely this is the best time to go out and meet someone?

I read an article that said children from the 1990s onwards have more social anxiety and traced this back to the "stranger danger" movement in the 80s. It made all the parents stop letting their children go out to play unsupervised so consequently those children didn't learn to navigate life and social hierarchies as well as people who grew up in the 1980s or earlier. Hence more social anxieties and poorer social connectivity. Add on isolation during covid, the rise of smartphones/gaming platforms and the cost of living and people just aren't going out to meet new people.

Back in the day my friends and I would go out every Friday and Saturday night to the pub/club (from the age of about 15/16, so we had lots of practice!) and just get chatting to new people. I don't think it's the done thing anymore.

It can be coerced by parents though haha.
Any man thinking a similar scheme would work here is out of his mind. What would be in it for the women? There’s no ‘screening’ of the people who take part. Maybe one could say that it might attract people who are looking to settle and have kids, but in my experience of dating men (in the UK) it’s the men who are more desperate to settle than the women. Part of my issue with dating is that the men don’t seem to care who they settle with, they’re not interested in actually getting to know anyone properly. Just desperate for a partner and anyone will do!

Why are so many men single @Winter2028

Because two tier Kier Starmer and his ilkl have confused the shit out of every one and no one no longer knows what or who a woman is.

How can men, date women if they don't know who the women are any more 😂

All this perceived 'pickiness' from both sides could simply be that people have more options now. A man or woman not only need be more appealing than other men and women, they also need to be more appealing than a full and happy single life.

Years ago a man needed a wife to keep his house clean, cook for him and generally take over from his mother. A woman needed a husband to provide for her financially (take over from her father if you like!). In both cases marriage probably offered more perceived freedom and opportunity than most people without great financial means could achieve as an unmarried man/woman.

Now men are capable of keeping their own home and women are capable of earning a living wage. Marriage and relationships are still desirable, but they must now compete with other equally desirable ways to live.

Outside of love, children or the desire to have children are probably the biggest draw towards relationships, but remember that in earlier generations for many people children were simply the result of marriage, not the aim of it. Not everyone wants them.

I shouldn't worry too much, these men have so little about themselved and lack any charisma so will never get into a position of power. Many never even make it out of their mums house, never mind have the oomph to get out and get voted in to have power over national decisions.

They'll unbreed themselves out of the gene pool soon enough.

Let's say you're a nice man, strong, passionate, ambitious... all those amazing qualities.

Now read this post. All the comments.

This man approaches a woman with the collective attitude of all the responses above, all compressed into one woman.

Would you want 'that' woman?

I think it's easy to treat every man like that man who hurt you, just as it is for a man to treat every woman like that one who rejected him. If you give off that vibe that the opposite sex is the enemy based on some bad experiences, when that nice one does come along, you'll scare them away and in general they won't want to try again.

I think it's easy to treat every man like that man who hurt you, just as it is for a man to treat every woman like that one who rejected him. If you give off that vibe that the opposite sex is the enemy based on some bad experiences, when that nice one does come along, you'll scare them away and in general they won't want to try again.

That reminds me of an old bloke telling me that men won't fancy me if I drink pints when I was about 20. I said good, as I didn't want anyone who didn't think I should drink pints.

Same as I wouldn't want anyone who found me too scary or intimidating, or too feminist. Always best to take the approach that someone must like you exactly as you are.

Oh yes, I'm sure the Tories have nothing to do with it, those who have been in power and able to change legislation for the last 14 years if they had really wanted to.

😂Haha typical labour not only do they not know what a woman is they also don't know, they are now the ones in power now either.

Is that you Kier or Angelwa Wayner?

Let's not shit up this thread with politics. There are plenty of other threads for bitching about the government. Seems you have only a slim grasp on reality if you want to blame Labour for incels 🙄

I don't think a man that uses the word "feminazi" is a nice man.

Surely there are just as many woman desperate to have children before their fertility runs out. Some women end up settling for someone just to achieve this.

If someone is 22 now, they've lived under a Conservative government since they were about 8. The last couple of months of the current Labour government have had negligible opportunity to influence their lives.

Back to the rock you crawled out from under.

Absolutely. But in my experience as a woman who has never been desperate to have children, I’ve come across lots of men desperate to settle. Which is partly why I’m still single.
It’s a shame that the men and women who are both desperate to settle can struggle to find each other. Though, of course, being desperate to settle is no indicator of being a decent partner. In fact in the case of some men I have met, they are lazy and want a partner to allow them to continue to be lazy

See, I (personally) think that's a 'mistake' of our generation, that arrogant 'I'm the central character' mentality. You are 100% right. We should be able to be ourselves, but we're screwed if that's not what the opposite gender wants.

I'm going to massively stereotype here.
Your 'average' man isn't going to want an assertive, bossy, 'hard work', woman, who doesn't need him, or care for his opinions. A woman who has been with many men and is now bitter because they've hurt her, and now treats the new man like she's settling for him.

Just as your 'average' woman isn't going to want a 'mum's basement' sort of guy, playing computer games, old shirt, pizza stains, expecting his wife to make him dinner and clean up after him.

These may be the states that each of them are most comfortable in, but if both sexes hold to their beliefs, rather than being what the opposite gender actually wants, then they're both destined to be single forever.

If both sides hold firm, then neither side can really complain about being single. Sadly, that's where it's going! I wouldn't want the men OR the women these days!