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Help with this woman from the gym- a bully

425 replies

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 15:20

name changed for this but regular mn user.
I go to a very small gym attached to a conference centre - it's not always staffed and at times, there is just an apprentice on the desk. There's a woman there who I find very unsettling and a little scary. She kind of 'rules the roost' She's very very bombastic. She does boxing training there, is there practically all day (anytime I go she is there and on days when I don't go I see her there as I have to drive past. She gets there in the morning and then spends all day, in the gym , in the sauna , in the pool, outside vaping. She is very very loud with all the gym goers, talks to them but in terms of how strong she is. She can take offence easily, if you don't say hello loud enough or don't smile etc. She regularly intimidates the staff but not in any way enough for them to do much about it if you see what I mean. I feel like she is targeting me at the moment - she was really looking in my locker the other day while I was drying my hair, but when I shut the door, she said " Don't worry I'm not nicking" She regularly mentions her uncles as being bare knuckle boxers and that if the staff annoy her, she'll get them down here as they all protect each other.
I really can't move gym I'm quite rural and this is my only option in my price range but it's getting really uncomfortable. Any mention of the staff sorting anything out (just generally) and she will say things like "They all love me" when they clearly don't. She has a specific heritage which she mentions often in the context of "I'm a ___ so you don't mess with me"
So far I have avoided eye contact, worn headphones, avoided showering and changing there. How can I handle it? I feel like she is lining me up to be a bullying victim.

OP posts:
Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 15:40

If you're going to have a traveller bashing thread at least have that conviction to use the word, & not skirt around it hoping others will.

B1anche · 11/12/2024 15:45

She sounds awful OP. I think the best thing you can do is ignore her as much as you can. She will soon get bored and move her attention to someone else.

HP1289 · 11/12/2024 15:45

There isnt much you can do if you cant move gyms and she is happy there. Just limit contact and keep those headphones in. Be pleasant but "distracted"

Dont give her any power to know she is intimidating you.

ShilohTikva · 11/12/2024 15:47

A clear traveller bashing thread then...

ShilohTikva · 11/12/2024 15:50

"Bare knuckle boxing"
"All protect each other"
"I'm not nicking"

Any other stereotypes to fit in?

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 15:58

She definitely has not said traveller ever.

OP posts:
ThatCoralShark · 11/12/2024 16:03

It’s not really clear what she’s done other than look in your locker. Why do you feel she’s targeting you? I think you forgot to mention that bit?

Startinganew32 · 11/12/2024 16:03

But I’m guessing the heritage begins with a G right?

ThatCoralShark · 11/12/2024 16:04

Startinganew32 · 11/12/2024 16:03

But I’m guessing the heritage begins with a G right?

Or r.

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 16:05

No it's a specific town in Scotland. Weirdly I'm Scottish as well but not with the accent. Really really not about travellers. I really didn't mean to make any connection . Can ask to delete thread

OP posts:
Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 16:05

Fill tht blanks then @Soniastrumpet1984 ....
Did the bad lady say "Gypsy"?

weebarra · 11/12/2024 16:06

Weegie?

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 16:06

ThatCoralShark · 11/12/2024 16:03

It’s not really clear what she’s done other than look in your locker. Why do you feel she’s targeting you? I think you forgot to mention that bit?

Just because no matter how much I stay under her radar she will find me out and engage in quite rough and aggressive stuff

OP posts:
GroovyChick87 · 11/12/2024 16:07

Some people get off on intimidating others. Just ignore her, or if that's not possible give her the bare minimum. I've had this with another fellow school mum and you just have to ignore it because then they have nothing to feed off.

NiftyKoala · 11/12/2024 16:08

I'd ignore her. Who cares if she throws a fit.

ThatCoralShark · 11/12/2024 16:08

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 16:06

Just because no matter how much I stay under her radar she will find me out and engage in quite rough and aggressive stuff

Goodness why are you not being clear. What rough and aggressive stuff?

ShilohTikva · 11/12/2024 16:08

So if its not traveller and none of the things you said are stereotypical. What heritage was she?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 11/12/2024 16:11

I want to know what she is now!

Mosaic123 · 11/12/2024 16:11

Can you write to the owner/operator of the gym and tell them you don't feel safe at this gym and are thinking of leaving.

Perhaps you can mention that one particular person seems aggressive to you.

Ask if there is anything they can do I help you feel more comfortable in the establishment?

Don't mention anything racist or name her at all. I bet they will know exactly who you mean.
They probably don't want someone constantly using the facilities. It's not fair on others

Startinganew32 · 11/12/2024 16:13

So she’s white British heritage but comes from a particular town in Scotland? That’s not really how it came across in the post but okay.
I would have a word with the staff quietly and say you don’t feel comfortable.

Startinganew32 · 11/12/2024 16:13

She sounds like she might have MH issues

ThatCoralShark · 11/12/2024 16:18

Mosaic123 · 11/12/2024 16:11

Can you write to the owner/operator of the gym and tell them you don't feel safe at this gym and are thinking of leaving.

Perhaps you can mention that one particular person seems aggressive to you.

Ask if there is anything they can do I help you feel more comfortable in the establishment?

Don't mention anything racist or name her at all. I bet they will know exactly who you mean.
They probably don't want someone constantly using the facilities. It's not fair on others

Edited

Op, unless you’re clear about what rough and aggressive stuff she’s done you can’t do this.

WallaceinAnderland · 11/12/2024 16:20

So she's trying to greet everyone, making chit chat and not stealing anything. What exactly is it that you think she is doing wrong?

ThatCoralShark · 11/12/2024 16:22

Op you’ve failed to mention one thing why you think this woman is linin you up to be a bullying victim, if you can’t articulate it then the answer is the issue here is you.

Lwrenn · 11/12/2024 16:23

she sounds like one of my estranged (total dickhead) cousins.
we aren’t travellers, we aren’t bare knuckle fighters by any stretch and we aren’t even particularly hard as a family, just a bunch of mouthy fuckers who like to project an image of being something we aren’t. One of them wore a fake ankle tag 🤦‍♀️
And if someone turned around and told them to fuck off they make a bit of noise but ultimately do just fuck off.
I imagine this woman is similar to my cousin Wendy who watched snatch 20 years ago decided she was Brad Pitt. Some people will never grow out of that school yard mentality.
Pity her, but don’t let her bully you pal.

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