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Help with this woman from the gym- a bully

425 replies

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 15:20

name changed for this but regular mn user.
I go to a very small gym attached to a conference centre - it's not always staffed and at times, there is just an apprentice on the desk. There's a woman there who I find very unsettling and a little scary. She kind of 'rules the roost' She's very very bombastic. She does boxing training there, is there practically all day (anytime I go she is there and on days when I don't go I see her there as I have to drive past. She gets there in the morning and then spends all day, in the gym , in the sauna , in the pool, outside vaping. She is very very loud with all the gym goers, talks to them but in terms of how strong she is. She can take offence easily, if you don't say hello loud enough or don't smile etc. She regularly intimidates the staff but not in any way enough for them to do much about it if you see what I mean. I feel like she is targeting me at the moment - she was really looking in my locker the other day while I was drying my hair, but when I shut the door, she said " Don't worry I'm not nicking" She regularly mentions her uncles as being bare knuckle boxers and that if the staff annoy her, she'll get them down here as they all protect each other.
I really can't move gym I'm quite rural and this is my only option in my price range but it's getting really uncomfortable. Any mention of the staff sorting anything out (just generally) and she will say things like "They all love me" when they clearly don't. She has a specific heritage which she mentions often in the context of "I'm a ___ so you don't mess with me"
So far I have avoided eye contact, worn headphones, avoided showering and changing there. How can I handle it? I feel like she is lining me up to be a bullying victim.

OP posts:
ManchesterLu · 11/12/2024 22:00

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 15:40

If you're going to have a traveller bashing thread at least have that conviction to use the word, & not skirt around it hoping others will.

This is more like bitch shaming than anything else.
She sounds bloody awful OP.

I can't stand it even when NICE people try to constantly chat to me when I'm exercising - I swim regularly and need to get "in the zone" as I used it as chill time for me, and come to the pool to get away from everyone!

Ger1atricMillennial · 11/12/2024 22:30

Bizzare poeple you thinking your talking about a traveller. I am from Essex and this is very similar behaviour and language (nicking specifically meaning stealing) loads of people say they "bare knuckle box" in my experience the people that actually do don't tend to advertise it.

She sounds a bit fragile if she can't tell that looking in someone elses locker would be a bit weird. I would work out what you can tolerate and avoid her at all times. Guarenteed the staff know about her, but there is a reason they can't shift her or manage her behaviour. When you have the chance to leave, leave. .

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 23:37

brunettemic · 11/12/2024 21:31

As with the post you’ve quoted I’m struggling to figure out what she’s actually done beyond being a bit irritating.

I did a further update

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 11/12/2024 23:38

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 23:37

I did a further update

It honestly didn’t make things much clearer.

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 23:41

ThatTealViewer · 11/12/2024 23:38

It honestly didn’t make things much clearer.

She will hector me and does fake lunges at me

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 00:00

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 23:41

She will hector me and does fake lunges at me

What does ‘hectoring’ you entail? And what do you mean by fake lunges?

None of this is at all clear, OP. Which is probably why you’re getting the responses that you are.

Fraaances · 12/12/2024 00:29

Report her to the staff and tell them that she is harassing you and that you don’t feel safe. Also that you have found her going through your locker. See if that is enough to get her banned.

ColourBlueColourPurple · 12/12/2024 02:38

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 00:00

What does ‘hectoring’ you entail? And what do you mean by fake lunges?

None of this is at all clear, OP. Which is probably why you’re getting the responses that you are.

You're just haranguing the OP now. Plenty of people on the thread have said that they wouldn't put up with the behaviour from the woman, so it's clear to plenty of people.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/12/2024 03:02

oOiluvfriendsOo · 11/12/2024 18:09

No they do not. Glasgow has it's numpties like anywhere else but I've never come across anyone like this.

It's a her (gym woman) issue and nothing else, she sounds insufferable.

You get them all over.

I recall being at the local surgery, accompanying my dad to an appointment. There was a father in the waiting room, sitting next to his primary aged son.

The father looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite place him. Then I heard him discussing school with his son. The son went to a particular primary school in the town.

The father: "Aye, but A went to [name of school that I attended]. Oor school wiz the hardest. We used tae batter aa the ither schools." This surprised me somewhat.

Then the boy's name was called. He was obviously named after his father - whom I then recognised as one of my classmates. He was the poor wee soul who always smelled of wee and once shat himself in the classroom in P7. (I remember it clearly because we had to leave for the gym hall until the jannie could deal with the offending object which had, unfortunately, landed on the classroom floor.)

He didn't move up to secondary school with the rest of us. I presume that he'd opted to go to the one another secondary school in town.

I feel sad that he felt that he had to put on a hard man act for his son. I suspect that the OP's nemesis might have a similar, unfortunate backstory.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/12/2024 03:04

fivebyfivebuffy · 11/12/2024 18:24

Because it's better than smoking, and I used it to quit
Obviously there's a point to exercise even if you're vaping, for fitness and mental health and bone strength
People could be wearing a nicotine patch and that's fine but a nicotine vape and you may as well just not bother and rot on the sofa?

The difference is that a patch doesn't cause bother for anyone else. I know that people say that the vapour is harmless, but I find the smell of some brands quite sickly. (Yes, it's the same for some perfume etc too.)

WearyAuldWumman · 12/12/2024 03:05

Thevelvelletes · 11/12/2024 18:28

Is it a family that's known for criminality?
A few of those in Ne Scotland and their reputations procede them.

I know that I've heard of families of "hard men" from Dundee and parts of Fife too.

WearyAuldWumman · 12/12/2024 03:10

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 00:00

What does ‘hectoring’ you entail? And what do you mean by fake lunges?

None of this is at all clear, OP. Which is probably why you’re getting the responses that you are.

A fake lunge, I assume, is what the bullies at secondary school used to do: they'd make a sudden move towards one of their victims and then pull back at the last minute. It would be geared to intimidate but done in such a way that they could claim that it was only a joke. They would try to make the victim flinch - it's a humiliation tactic.

HoundsOfSmell · 12/12/2024 03:53

what happened when you wore headphones?

Chat to the staff and find out her usual arrival and departure time. If she stops for lunch.

ChristmasFox · 12/12/2024 04:18

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 00:00

What does ‘hectoring’ you entail? And what do you mean by fake lunges?

None of this is at all clear, OP. Which is probably why you’re getting the responses that you are.

Hectoring - talking to someone in a bullying way / hounding them, continuing when it’s obvious they’d rather you didn’t. Google is helpful when you don’t know what something means.

Fake Lunging - I mean this one is kind of obvious, she’s lunging towards her, but then not connecting at the last minute? It’s aggressive? I would imagine you might understand that.

Hope that helps.

Isatis · 12/12/2024 04:37

Pack in the gym and get your exercise by other means. She's not going to leave any time soon.

Mintyt · 12/12/2024 04:55

You need to stand your ground, she is used to people being scared of her. Don't be. Look her in the eye, and say morning ect, when she lunges don't react just carry on. See her as sad

Cherrytree024 · 12/12/2024 05:13

It seems she has some insecurities of her own if she feels the need to be so out there and loud! I get there is confidence which is great- how about use it to support and empower others? Why does she need the feel to brag about her family- comes across as threatening for sure!

Also, why is she at the gym so much? Hmm the way she talks about the staff too. Is she looking for a job there secretly 😂

winter8090 · 12/12/2024 05:50

I'm guessing she doesn't have a job either.

Ignore and avoid. When forced with interaction be polite and smile.

She sounds awful.

winter8090 · 12/12/2024 06:01

When she lunges look her in the eye and ask "what are you doing"

Soniastrumpet1984 · 12/12/2024 06:09

ThatTealViewer · 12/12/2024 00:00

What does ‘hectoring’ you entail? And what do you mean by fake lunges?

None of this is at all clear, OP. Which is probably why you’re getting the responses that you are.

I don't know how to help you understand if writing it down isn't enough.

OP posts:
IGuessIllbetheFirst · 12/12/2024 06:12

Yes it sounds like she is trying to see if you are intimidated by her - and lining you up as a potential victim. Have you been bullied before in life?

MiddleParking · 12/12/2024 06:18

Bear in mind OP that this is a woman who seems to be spending a great deal of time on her own, trying to initiate engagement with strangers and telling what are almost certainly lies in order to do so. Whoever her uncles are, her relationship with them isn’t one that’s providing her with a normal social life or support network. She sounds horrible to be around but it might help to see her as someone to be pitied rather than feared. And definitely act confident and cheerful when you do see her, as it sounds like she’s identified you as a bit nervous and therefore a good target for engagement.

Diomi · 12/12/2024 06:19

She sounds like a bit of a menace. She clearly likes to intimidate people with her bare knuckle fighting uncle comments. I would forget the gym, take up running and buy some weights and a yoga mat. It does depend on how much you like the gym though.

Melonportal · 12/12/2024 06:26

What if the woman had been a traveller? Does that mean the OP isn't allowed to post about it?

Anyway, I'd raise it with the gym staff OP, and see what they suggest.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 12/12/2024 06:38

You have me 😑, I’m Scottish and I’ve no idea what family/ group you’re talking about.

It would be helpful if you could clear this up as it’s a large piece of context that is missing.

As for the woman, be polite but cold, if she lunges for you , simply stare her down and ask her if she’s ok with a confused look on your face.

Her behaviour is clearly not normal.