Help with this woman from the gym- a bully

[Soniastrumpet1984]

name changed for this but regular mn user.
I go to a very small gym attached to a conference centre - it's not always staffed and at times, there is just an apprentice on the desk. There's a woman there who I find very unsettling and a little scary. She kind of 'rules the roost' She's very very bombastic. She does boxing training there, is there practically all day (anytime I go she is there and on days when I don't go I see her there as I have to drive past. She gets there in the morning and then spends all day, in the gym , in the sauna , in the pool, outside vaping. She is very very loud with all the gym goers, talks to them but in terms of how strong she is. She can take offence easily, if you don't say hello loud enough or don't smile etc. She regularly intimidates the staff but not in any way enough for them to do much about it if you see what I mean. I feel like she is targeting me at the moment - she was really looking in my locker the other day while I was drying my hair, but when I shut the door, she said " Don't worry I'm not nicking" She regularly mentions her uncles as being bare knuckle boxers and that if the staff annoy her, she'll get them down here as they all protect each other.
I really can't move gym I'm quite rural and this is my only option in my price range but it's getting really uncomfortable. Any mention of the staff sorting anything out (just generally) and she will say things like "They all love me" when they clearly don't. She has a specific heritage which she mentions often in the context of "I'm a ___ so you don't mess with me"
So far I have avoided eye contact, worn headphones, avoided showering and changing there. How can I handle it? I feel like she is lining me up to be a bullying victim.

But nothing you say in your OP suggests anything specifically targeting you? She just sounds like a gym bore, which is probably hardly surprising if she spends all day there every day.

honestly i could not bear this

I’d suck it up and pay more / travel further OR just invest in a home gym.

I’m no expert on travellers but know more than the average Londoner? and I did not read the OP as covertly alluding to travellers as ithe aggressive masculine energy is not really the “girl traveller” stereotype

Ffs
Sounds like there's a fair few bullies in this thread, people piling on and jumping to (incorrect) conclusions

I would get this thread deleted op but it doesn't sound like you're the issue!

Oh my God, OP! It's really not that hard to say "sorry love but I don't want to talk". What is she gonna do?

Christ just ignore her. You're a grown woman how is she going to bully you if you just don't engage 🤷🏻‍♀️

Either suck it up and be polite or leave. You can’t change her behaviour and I doubt the gym are prepared to do anything.

@TwigletsAndRadishes , no of course not, it would be absurd to homogenise any group of people.
However, and I'm originally from there, Glasgow can have a reputation for being a bit rough and its inhabitants being a bit fighty. I'm not sure any other area of Scotland has that particular reputation!

Ok, so yes is the answer to my question then. 😂

Not all Glaswegians, obviously. But clearly there is enough of a rep there for people to think of it based on the OP's description.

Actually I don't think it's absurd to homogenise whole groups of people in the most general terms. I take everybody as I find them and give everyone the benefit of the doubt on an individual basis, but cultural stereotypes exist for a reason and I think it's daft to pretend they are completely baseless.

Not sure why people are piling on you OP. I know exactly the type you mention, there's a particular group in my area of London like that, and no, they are not travellers. The best thing really is to avoid them because they just don't care about social norms or the police or club rules or anything like that and they get off on making other people feel uncomfortable. But if you really can't leave the gym then I find the best way to deal with them is to be a bit matey with them. Give her a smile, always say "hi" then she'll say "Oh Sonia, she's alright" and maybe even stick up for you if needed in future. (I used this tactic and one of the blokes ended up getting me out of a driving ticket! worth a try!

This is a tricky one but it would piss me off enormously if I was the one having to deal with it.

She sounds like she might be using steroids - all that bravado!

I'd be tempted to start doing weird things like whispering to myself as though I'm having a conversation with someone she can't see, or let her catch you smearing the inside of your locker with jam and when she asks what you're doing, cackle madly and shout; 'The ANTS! The ants NEED sugar TOOOOOO'.

You could tell her you have such bad social anxiety that having to speak to anyone in a public setting literally makes you poo yourself, then pull a face as though you're actually having a poo right there and then (maybe crush a stink bomb surreptitiously in your pocket for the full effect).

I find it astonishing that people can act the way she does and have no negative push-back from anyone - be it other gym users or the people who work there (and should really be helping to make ALL gym users feel comfortable in that environment). People like her, who make everything all about themselves and swagger around with such hugely misplaced confidence are generally so obtuse that they have NO idea everyone hates them.

I'd be asking the gym management to have a word with her and let them know she's making other members feel incredibly uncomfortable with her intimidating attitude. They could certainly put a stop to her vaping outside the gym and ask her not to disturb other gym members when they're working out - just a tiny little stomp on her believing she's got some sort of 'right' to do whatever she likes.

I can't take anyone seriously who stands outside a gym, vaping (actually, anyone who vapes at all!). Why spend all that time working on your health and fitness if you're just going to poison yourself from the inside out?

Anyway, she sounds awful and I'd struggle to be around someone like that. I've worked in leisure centres before and come across members like that and when people stopped paying them any attention they got bored and moved on. Perhaps that's the best way to deal with it, go 'grey rock as they say on here? You have my sympathies!

She sounds dreadful. I would either try and determine her schedule and go when she's unlikely to be there, or just don't go and find another way to work out.

So far I have avoided eye contact, worn headphones, avoided showering and changing there. How can I handle it? I feel like she is lining me up to be a bullying victim.

Well, you're acting like a frightened victim. Next time you see her, look her in the eye and say 'morning'. People like this, you're better off handling confidently. She isn't going to kick your head in, she's just a bit full of herself.

What stuff, specifically? What has she actually said or done to you?

I'd be tempted to start doing weird things like whispering to myself as though I'm having a conversation with someone she can't see, or let her catch you smearing the inside of your locker with jam and when she asks what you're doing, cackle madly and shout; 'The ANTS! The ants NEED sugar TOOOOOO'.
You could tell her you have such bad social anxiety that having to speak to anyone in a public setting literally makes you poo yourself, then pull a face as though you're actually having a poo right there and then (maybe crush a stink bomb surreptitiously in your pocket for the full effect).

WTAF have I just read?

@TwigletsAndRadishes ppl find themselves utterly amusing on mumsnet and try to be outrageous with their "hilarious " replies. Where in reality they would do nothing and say nothing .

Ask to borrow some money. That usually makes these types clear orf.

You didn't make any connection. Other people put words in your mouth.

Ok so I'm going to tell you a secret, people like this thrive on attention, any attention. Even negative attention is still attention so the way you deal with them is to starve them of any attention whatsoever but you're going to have to be determined and not let yourself crack. Once she realises she cannot get your attention no matter how hard she tries, she will move on to the next potential victim. When someone like this have tried to intimidate me, I have gone about my business like they just don't exist, but expect them to try and push back. No matter how hard they try to draw you back in, do not respond. Ever. You have to hold yourself tall, pretend to be confident and swallow your nerves. Each time you see her just stare straight ahead and carry on as if she doesn't even exist. She will try to engage you because not getting attention will wind her up, but if you stay strong for long enough she will give up trying eventually because she's not getting what she wants from you.

@TwigletsAndRadishes sometimes, acting like a proper weirdo has the desired effect and annoying people leave you alone. I wouldn't say I make a habit of it, and I've never done any of those actual suggestions, but I have been known to pull a pearler to get shot of several intensely irritating / vile / borderline dangerous characters in my time. The thing is, if you're an intensely irritating / vile / borderline dangerous character yourself, you never factor on meeting someone MORE intensely irritating / vile / borderline dangerous than you are.... so you can imagine the acute surprise and confusion when it happens.

She'll say things like "ooh who rattled your cage, doesn't cost anything to be friendly " that sort of thing but loudly saying it to other gym members who are also all a bit scared and just smile and point at their headphones. Then when she sees me again she will do something like a pretend lunge etc. When staff have asked her to calm down she says shes friends with everyone , or then says her uncles will come. It's all done on the side of joking

I could try this actually

She sounds insufferable. If you want to freak someone out, stare just over their shoulder as you're talking to them. They won't know wtf's wrong with you and might steer clear in future.

She sounds like she's living her life on a hair trigger though and she'd probably be thrilled if she found an excuse to have a proper fight, so you're wise to be wary of her.