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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Help with this woman from the gym- a bully

425 replies

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 15:20

name changed for this but regular mn user.
I go to a very small gym attached to a conference centre - it's not always staffed and at times, there is just an apprentice on the desk. There's a woman there who I find very unsettling and a little scary. She kind of 'rules the roost' She's very very bombastic. She does boxing training there, is there practically all day (anytime I go she is there and on days when I don't go I see her there as I have to drive past. She gets there in the morning and then spends all day, in the gym , in the sauna , in the pool, outside vaping. She is very very loud with all the gym goers, talks to them but in terms of how strong she is. She can take offence easily, if you don't say hello loud enough or don't smile etc. She regularly intimidates the staff but not in any way enough for them to do much about it if you see what I mean. I feel like she is targeting me at the moment - she was really looking in my locker the other day while I was drying my hair, but when I shut the door, she said " Don't worry I'm not nicking" She regularly mentions her uncles as being bare knuckle boxers and that if the staff annoy her, she'll get them down here as they all protect each other.
I really can't move gym I'm quite rural and this is my only option in my price range but it's getting really uncomfortable. Any mention of the staff sorting anything out (just generally) and she will say things like "They all love me" when they clearly don't. She has a specific heritage which she mentions often in the context of "I'm a ___ so you don't mess with me"
So far I have avoided eye contact, worn headphones, avoided showering and changing there. How can I handle it? I feel like she is lining me up to be a bullying victim.

OP posts:
Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:08

ChristmasFox · 11/12/2024 21:01

use her words? She’s not 5? She did fine.

Then why leave blanks and give half a story? She could have worded the whole op better.

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:09

She has a specific heritage which she mentions often in the context of "I'm a ___ so you don't mess with me" ops words

ChristmasFox · 11/12/2024 21:12

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:09

She has a specific heritage which she mentions often in the context of "I'm a ___ so you don't mess with me" ops words

Yes, she didn’t say traveller though did she? I can actually probably guess from the further information she’s given, but I’m not going to, because it’s not necessary for this post, and I’m not a dick. It’s only necessary if you want to miss the point and bully the OP some more. She says she’s done with being bullied, so I’d back off if I were you.

StarDolphins · 11/12/2024 21:12

Op, don’t feel you have to have this thread deleted. Just ignore the goady ones. You’re not stereotyping, you’re quoting things the lady has said to you.

She sounds a bit too big for her boots and I wouldn’t like this, there’s always people like this about. Could you not drive past at different times & see when he car isn’t there? I think avoiding people that you feel intimidated by is the best bet. Or anyone you’re friendly with that you could ask?

ChristmasFox · 11/12/2024 21:13

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:08

Then why leave blanks and give half a story? She could have worded the whole op better.

See my comment below. Because it’s not the point. You’re trying to make it the point. What are you trying to say about travellers? Because the OP isn’t.

StarDolphins · 11/12/2024 21:14

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:09

She has a specific heritage which she mentions often in the context of "I'm a ___ so you don't mess with me" ops words

So what. You’re just here to bully the op & it’s unpleasant. you’re relentless.

surreygirl1987 · 11/12/2024 21:15

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 15:40

If you're going to have a traveller bashing thread at least have that conviction to use the word, & not skirt around it hoping others will.

Uncalled for. This woman (the one the OP is talking about) sounds like an utter cow.

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:16

Well stop @ and quoting me I had left ......

ChristmasFox · 11/12/2024 21:17

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:16

Well stop @ and quoting me I had left ......

I’m not stopping you leaving.

StarDolphins · 11/12/2024 21:17

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:16

Well stop @ and quoting me I had left ......

👋

fashionqueen0123 · 11/12/2024 21:17

Lwrenn · 11/12/2024 16:23

she sounds like one of my estranged (total dickhead) cousins.
we aren’t travellers, we aren’t bare knuckle fighters by any stretch and we aren’t even particularly hard as a family, just a bunch of mouthy fuckers who like to project an image of being something we aren’t. One of them wore a fake ankle tag 🤦‍♀️
And if someone turned around and told them to fuck off they make a bit of noise but ultimately do just fuck off.
I imagine this woman is similar to my cousin Wendy who watched snatch 20 years ago decided she was Brad Pitt. Some people will never grow out of that school yard mentality.
Pity her, but don’t let her bully you pal.

A fake ankle tag? What on earth 🤣

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:19

ChristmasFox · 11/12/2024 21:17

I’m not stopping you leaving.

But your messaging me, am I not meant to answer ?

ChristmasFox · 11/12/2024 21:19

There are posters on here behaving like the person you’re actually complaining about in the gym, OP.

I would find it really off-putting too. Sure, you can put your boundaries in, but that’s work in itself when you’re just there as a paying customer to use the facilities. I would complain too, but I can imagine not a lot will happen. Maybe if enough people complain, something will change though.

ChristmasFox · 11/12/2024 21:20

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:19

But your messaging me, am I not meant to answer ?

I’m responding to what you’ve said. It’s your choice whether you respond. If it helps though, I rest my case.

StarDolphins · 11/12/2024 21:21

ShilohTikva · 11/12/2024 15:50

"Bare knuckle boxing"
"All protect each other"
"I'm not nicking"

Any other stereotypes to fit in?

Read the thread. These are quotes that the lady in question made, not the op. How embarrassing.

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:21

And you are replying to me .....

StarDolphins · 11/12/2024 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Please give up🤣

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:23

Why?

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:28

I'm not alone in thinking that's what the op was implying. Mumsnet stereo typing happens day in day out. Prime examples are clothing brands and children's given names

brunettemic · 11/12/2024 21:31

Soniastrumpet1984 · 11/12/2024 16:06

Just because no matter how much I stay under her radar she will find me out and engage in quite rough and aggressive stuff

As with the post you’ve quoted I’m struggling to figure out what she’s actually done beyond being a bit irritating.

leia24 · 11/12/2024 21:33

TwigletsAndRadishes · 11/12/2024 17:01

I'd be tempted to start doing weird things like whispering to myself as though I'm having a conversation with someone she can't see, or let her catch you smearing the inside of your locker with jam and when she asks what you're doing, cackle madly and shout; 'The ANTS! The ants NEED sugar TOOOOOO'.
You could tell her you have such bad social anxiety that having to speak to anyone in a public setting literally makes you poo yourself, then pull a face as though you're actually having a poo right there and then (maybe crush a stink bomb surreptitiously in your pocket for the full effect).

WTAF have I just read?

Glad it wasn't just me thinking what the fuck is going on here

Tallerandtall · 11/12/2024 21:34

@Soniastrumpet1984

sont be bullied here also by the assholes

send an email to the owners.
you can do that ans they won't who from

tell them they are exposing themselves to an action ie a legal action and why.

then they will act and watch

vipersnest1 · 11/12/2024 21:34

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:28

I'm not alone in thinking that's what the op was implying. Mumsnet stereo typing happens day in day out. Prime examples are clothing brands and children's given names

Haha! I can't see what you've got your knickers in such a knot about. OP never used any stereotypes.
And the best bit is, I do have bare knuckle fighters in my background and I'm struggling to find anything offensive in OP's posts.
Do you need me to send you a grip? 😂

surreygirl1987 · 11/12/2024 21:54

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 21:19

But your messaging me, am I not meant to answer ?

Entirely your choice! Nobody's forcing you to answer! 😂 Answer if you want... don't if you don't want to!
👋

Katemax82 · 11/12/2024 21:56

Wheelyfast · 11/12/2024 15:40

If you're going to have a traveller bashing thread at least have that conviction to use the word, & not skirt around it hoping others will.

She probably doesn't want to get cancelled