To not keep my mouth shut..

[arcticpandas]

So DH loves romantic comedies. Think Love Actually, Pretty Woman, Bridget Jones etc. I don't but each to their own. But certain movies have not aged gracefully imo. Think Pretty Woman. Is it romantic to pay a prostitute? And Bridget Jones. How overweight is she? Not at all imo and yet it's a big part of the plot. Also when Hugh Grant touches her butt it's supposed to be exciting when in fact it's sexual harassment. Maybe it's me getting old 40+ or it's the whole metoo débâcle that has made it impossible to not notice and be annoyed about misogynie and sexism and bodyshaming in movies. My DH thinks I'm a bore and that "it's just a movie" and I get that. Yet I have to either point out what's upsetting if I'm in the living room, or I have to go elsewhere.
So
AIBU - Yes, just shut up and let your DH enjoy his films.
AINBU- No, you are right to point out blatant sexism.
I am seriously in doubt about this one since I do get that DH wants to relax and not having me nag but also I find some things too offensive and I feel I need to point them out since he doesn't see the harm.

They were written at the time and enjoyed at the time, sure everyone has an opinion on what they watch but why do you feel you need to point it out? Is it because you need to treat him like a,child and lecture him? Is it because you want a pat on the back to show how progressive you are? Do you want him to 'thank you i had no idea you are wonderful for teaching me'?

What do you actually want from it?

Hot take.

I only ever have these discussions with our teen. Partner is a grown man and doesn't need me to point anything out to him.
These films are of their time as are many others from much older period of cinematography.

Jesus don’t be a mood hooverer. I’m sure he is not going to want to be lectured whilst he is trying to watch a romcom.

What we really need to try to avoid is erasing everything that some people find offensive. You don’t really have the right to shame him in to not watching them, I mean they are pretty tame and not hard core porn are they?

I’d put my house on it you enjoy giving him a good lecture about things - be careful as he just might get bored of it

I refuse to watch things like Dirty Dancing now. SO problematic.

Pretty Woman is a great film, but it is not a romance film. It's about an abused woman bring abused again by a man who finds her pretty. Great.

Just leave the room.

Why not look at some more up to date rom coms? I was cheered by the sexual politics of Love Hard (Netflix), I’m sure there are others:-

I love Bridget Jones, though I think Pretty Woman would be too irritating to watch today. What would be more irritating though is watching a film you enjoy while someone is yabbering away in your ear about how dated it is.

If you watch a movie with a terrorist attack or a plane hijack or some other such atrocity, do you point out how awful these acts are, or do you just accept that they are just part of the movie and watch it for what it is.

I'd hope your husband, as a grown man, understands and can recognize sexism and misogyny himself without the need for you to point it out. If not, you've got a much bigger problem than some dated movie plot!

It’s perfectly possible to acknowledge the appalling sexual politics of a film and also quite enjoy it.

I quite like The Proposal (Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds) while also being well aware that it’s a deeply pathetic male fantasy about a dominant female boss (who blackmails her male assistant into being engaged to her because she needs a visa) discovering, on his home territory that he has the upper hand, and he gets to grope her in public because they’re ‘engaged’.

I mean, I don’t sit there during films DH enjoys pointing out their crappy sexual politics or unexamined assumptions about masculinity. I don’t say I find films about men shooting other men boring, whether it’s Full Metal Jacket or The Godfather.

Watch this programme; it will make your hair curl!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m002389y/loaded-lads-mags-and-mayhem

YABU, it's a film, people can distinguish between fiction and reality.

Contrary to the way the world is going, we don't need to be force fed politically correct ideas 24/7. Escapism has its place.

Being offended about everything all the time must be exhausting.

I would find it annoying to have someone lecturing me about the films I watched tbh.

Also, Bridget Jones not being that fat - wasn't that part of the point? She thought she was fat (and she thought that fat = unsexy) because of the 90s heroin chic ideal, but this was just her own perception. I do think this is clearer in the book that it's a bit satirical, and that she's not actually fat, and it's her view of herself as unattractive due her weight. She thinks she's unattractive but actually has no problem with men not finding her physically attractive.

You’re not wrong but as PPs have said I’m not sure what you will achieve by pointing this out to him. He enjoys them as is his right. I think people are far more sensitive to these issues than they were when these films were made: social mores to change.

I don’t find romantic comedies offensive I just find them unbearably twee but I know I am in a small minority so very happy for others to crack on and enjoy them.

Well, I can't watch most of those any more (and I always found Bridget Jones annoying, even when reading the books - she was so INCOMPETENT) and I'm happy to point out the ridiculousness of it, but I wouldn't be annoyed that other people watch it. eg if a friend said she wanted to watch Love Actually I'd probaly say something like, "Ick, I can't watch that any more the whole thing is just too pervy and awful and hasn't aged well" then move on. So a sort of middle ground - say my piece but not stop her from watching and I'd probably be theh same with DH.

Having said that, I wont lie, if DH is watching something I consider offensive and enjoying it, then yes, I guess I would think a bit less of him in a way that I wouldn't if it was a friend or some random person out there.

You can be offended as much or as little as you want. Just let him watch his movie without you moaning from the corner. You don't have to say anything.

I point this stuff out to my teens, as I don't want them growing up with normalised misogyny. No mood hoovering, just discussions on how things used to be and why things need/needed to change.

Leave him alone.

My DH does this and it really pisses me off. If you don't want to watch them, fine, go elsewhere but to comment and ridicule him for enjoying a film watched by millions of people is just rude.
Leave him be.

I find the whole premise of a film like Pretty Woman and Scent of a Woman objectionable and I'm not keen on Romantic comedies in general. I wouldn't sit and watch them.
I would probably discuss with your DH the elements of the film which are questionable. I think that would be an interesting thing to do, hopefully for both of you. But ultimately if he wants to watch them , then fair enough.
As a pp said compared to him watching porn it seems relatively acceptable. Porn would not be acceptable in my relationship.

I think with Bridget Jones a lot of the point was that she felt overweight but was just normal.

I watch slightly problematic nineties films and sit coms with teen dd and she is perfectly able to understand what is problematic and ‘of it’s time’ but still enjoy them in the same way I would watching some forties, fifties or sixties films. We sometimes have a bit of a conversation about it or a bit of a laugh. Someone ranting on about it every time is a bore.

I make these comments when we watch these films but if a family member asked me not to then I wouldn’t as I know my DH knows these things already; I mainly point it out for my teens to have perspective. Some of the things in married at first sight and love island are problematic and I don’t need DH to point it out

What I actually like are Joanna Hogg films, but it’s unbearable if I try to watch one at home with anyone else around — ‘Why is the dialogue so mumbly?’ ‘Why doesn’t the camera move?’ ‘What is supposed to be happening?’ ‘Why is the most famous actor in this film playing an estate agent who only gets two lines?’’Why is Viv Albertine always wearing stripes?’ ‘Why is he wearing a turban if he works for the Foreign Office?’

Romcoms, Merchant Ivory oldies, or black and white old Hollywood at least don’t involve gore. I’d genuinely derive more pleasure from While You Were Sleeping than Apocalypse Now.

Why is Dirty Dancing problematic?? Have I missed the memo?

Whenever watching one of these we always say you wouldn't get away with that now ! Raise an eyebrow and move on .

Older man with teen girl?