To not keep my mouth shut..

[arcticpandas]

So DH loves romantic comedies. Think Love Actually, Pretty Woman, Bridget Jones etc. I don't but each to their own. But certain movies have not aged gracefully imo. Think Pretty Woman. Is it romantic to pay a prostitute? And Bridget Jones. How overweight is she? Not at all imo and yet it's a big part of the plot. Also when Hugh Grant touches her butt it's supposed to be exciting when in fact it's sexual harassment. Maybe it's me getting old 40+ or it's the whole metoo débâcle that has made it impossible to not notice and be annoyed about misogynie and sexism and bodyshaming in movies. My DH thinks I'm a bore and that "it's just a movie" and I get that. Yet I have to either point out what's upsetting if I'm in the living room, or I have to go elsewhere.
So
AIBU - Yes, just shut up and let your DH enjoy his films.
AINBU- No, you are right to point out blatant sexism.
I am seriously in doubt about this one since I do get that DH wants to relax and not having me nag but also I find some things too offensive and I feel I need to point them out since he doesn't see the harm.

There are a few but the massive age gap - she's 15!!!! is the most obvious one.

Talking over a movie while it’s on and your husband is relaxing and enjoying it? Unreasonable. Bringing up what your issue with it is after or before watching it? Not unreasonable

I think it's obvious these films are dated and contain misogynistic scenes. I'm sure your DH also knows this and doesn't need to be told. But film is such a wonderful escape, getting lost in a story, and just enjoying the storyline... you are taking that away from your DH by commenting on these films. It's not like he likes them for the sexism they contain.

I am fully aware of the sexism in the ones you have mentioned. It doesn't stop me from loving them for what they are. If my partner was commenting on them while I tried to enjoy them or scoffed at them, I'd think he was condescending twat.

I'd love it if my partner enjoyed romantic comedies, instead he likes War films and action movies. Which usually contain no women, or a women as a side piece. Which I think it more problematic, as he doesn't even immerse himself in a story that even shows women doing women things.

You clearly never watch films from the 40s to the 70s

They are of a time. It's fiction

Get over it

How do you know her age? It’s never mentioned and neither is his. I think she’s supposed to be about seventeen or eighteen as she’s about to go in the peace corps and he’s supposed to be early twenties, which is not great admittedly. Swayze was in his thirties but Jennifer Grey was 27. That’s more an issue of casting.

I think she is 17/18 there, which is still young admittedly and he is mid 20s or smth like that.

Exactly! I'm old enough to remember my dad, uncles and male cousins sniggering over Carry On films... Yes, all the women in the family used to eye roll and tut tut but it's just how it was then. Things change.

There are loads of dodgy films when you look back - but you can look back and think, ok, that's off but I like the film.
Big, Splash...

I am going to go with this advice. For those saying that DH knows their misogynistic though..no he didn't get the memo and missed metoo as well. He's a decent guy but sometimes I do have to point out the obvious to him, especially since we have teenage sons. But when it comes to movies I'll raise an eyebrow and move on. My sons are not into that type of movies anyway so no need to think about them.

If your DH doesn’t recognise misogyny, then you have a way bigger problem than his opinion of romcoms.

The fact that she was actually 27 is irrelevant. Okay the character was 17 and he's 24. Still inappropriate.

it's a bit like the historical romance fiction I used to read back in the day - the heroine was always about 17 and the hero in his 30s and frankly, a huge part of the "romance" came from her being the plucky smart woman who tames the hard bitten rake. ICK.

"The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there."

There's stuff going on now that will be looked at askance in 20 years time. I'm the "right age" for Love Actually, Pretty Woman, etc and I think it makes more sense if you were around then than it does now.

I've never liked romcoms, I'm a horror/Tarantino fan.
I have been made to sit through the films mentioned above to "just give them a chance" and I still much prefer dead people eating people and/or everyone getting shot.

I keep quiet when others watch their romantic stuff though because it just leads to arguments otherwise and life is too short to go on about Bridget Jones.

Omg I LOVE this 😂 going to need to watch whole thing now!

Bridget Jones isn't fat - that's part of the joke. She is obsessed with being fat and her weight but she is a normal size.

Lost in Translation, Bill Murray was 52 and Scarlett Johansson was 17.

There are problems with age gaps, there are problems with plots. One of my favourite films is Dead Poet's Society. As a teen I thought the kiss on her forehead was romantic, now as an adult I can see that kissing a girl who has a boyfriend, who is drunk and half asleep is problematic which is an understatement.

I have two adult sons, we have watched lots of 80s films together (Grease, "did she put up a fight" Summer Lovin) and we have pointed out all the problems, Gilmore Girls which team for Rory's boyfriend? They are all wankers and she deserves so much better. With the relationships even now this shit is still being made. Amazon Prime had Maxton Hall where a boy tries to ruin a girl's life but she falls for him. Yuk.

Pointing it out the first time I think is fine, keep harping on about it, not fine. I like some movies because they remind me of my childhood, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers being one. I don't think kidnapping women is the way to get a bride.

Completely with you on Love actually. It’s hideous and not at all romantic.
Totally disagree on Bridget Jones - as others have said, the point is she is completely fine but obsessing over weight like people did / do, and there’s no need. And Hugh Grant is clearly a sleaze and she figures that out.

On commenting to your OH - I think once you’ve made your thoughts clear on them, no need to speak up every time, I’d probably employ a light harrumph and read my book with headphones in. It would be annoying if someone is trying to watch a film and the other person over and over is telling them how it’s awful. But I would concentrate on talking about other stuff - does any of the misogynistic attitude impact your lives? Or impact what he says about actual people? That’s the thing to focus on IMO.

Ronnie Barker national treasure. Loved Porridge as a child but rewatching with ours and it’s so sexist and casually misogynistic, I was surprised and struck by the subliminal messages I was receiving as a child that it’s ok for women to be treated and spoken about in that way. A lot of the comments wouldn’t be broadcast today. That’s how society was then

typo efit

I can't get over parent trap, mother hates husband so decides she never wants to see him again, which means he takes one of her kids, neither ever see the other twin again until they reunite at age 11, kids don't seem to care that their parents just abandoned them and all live happily ever after, why did I never notice this before, I'm telling my 11 year old and she is saying mam, its a film, just enjoy it

That would drive me nuts if I was trying to watch a movie. Just let it go, not everything (no matter how true) must be commented upon.

I have a problem with the way women are presented in a lot of films.

I think Pretty Woman is horrific and can't believe people like it.

I have a soft spot for Brigette Jones. I used to read the articles and love the first film. The hand on her bum was done after a lot of mutual flirting.

Romantic comedies are often clunky and full of stereotypes but there have been some good ones.

Such po faced joy spongeing.

Everything is problematic now, according to some. Cancel it all, from brief encounter to friends, it's all terrible. Or you know, just watch whatever you want and don't watch what you don't want and let everyone else do the same?

And btw, Bridget was only delighted when Daniel cleaver touched her arse, she'd been trying to get him to!

There just films if he enjoys them let him be.
Im watching the heat killers at the moment a bl series love story.
I couldn't care less what others think as its just a film.
I love a romantic film.

Bridget Jones i love it its a rainy day film for me.
Op your husband is a grown man would you like it if you was watch something and he kept on at you no he would be called abusive and jealous.

I agree with your others, but the whole point of Lost in Translation is that Scarlett Johanssen and Bill Murray don’t have a romantic/sexual relationship. They don’t sleep together, and share only a single ambiguous kiss at the moment of parting. Also, SJ was playing older than her actual age (19) because her character has already graduated from Yale and is married.

Blimey do you suck the joy out of everything?