I know his secret…. Thread 3

[Waffletots]

Starting another thread because the last one is full.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226374-i-know-his-secret-but-how-do-i-play-this?page=1

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5226809-i-know-his-secret-thread-2?page=1

Thank you so much everyone for your messages, I appreciate them so much and you have truly helped me this past crazy few days to know I have so many people supporting me.
I’ve seen a solicitor this afternoon who has given me some good advice regarding finances and the legalities when it comes to our jointly owned home, a lot to get my head around but I feel a lot more informed now!
I’ve missed two calls from my husband since I last updated, I’m worried he’s going to come to the house to try and speak to me but hoping he may think my brother is still here and not bother!

Put your key in the back door so he can't open it from the outside

I really feel for you I really do. I'm wishing you all the best for your future & good luck with your new baby once he/she arrives X

Can someone stay with you op. Sending lots of love and hugs x

Does this work with all locks?

Not sure what lock we had (sorry!), but I used to leave the key in & husband could get in with his key.

I think I must have left it "lined up" somehow.

The one time it seems I didn't, we were all out with my key in the lock & couldn't get in!

Had to call a locksmith!

Move anything important paperwork wise to your parents. Leave keys in locks if possible. For extra comfort when it’s just you use a door jammer on your bedroom or the exterior doors just know how to remove them fast for fire safety.

She cannot lock him out of a jointly owned house unfortunately

So glad you've been to the solicitor.

Can your brother come if he does come round?

@Waffletots any of the sleep stories on the Calm app do it for me. It’s annoying because I want to hear them but a few minutes in and I’m out like a bloody light 🥴🙄

What's the point in that?

He'll then have to call the police who'll make OP remove it so he can enter his home 😳

I'm pretty sure she doesn't need the extra stress and hassle of that.

Will he though? I doubt very much he'll make this situation worse by calling the police and making himself look like even more of a cunt. Op doesn't want him just wandering in

Leaving a key means it’s just oops sorry habit. Not I’m locking him out.

If her key is in the door. She has time from when he starts knocking to alert family/friends to come/be on stand by.

Op can't lock him out but if they are now separated I wonder if there are measures she can take for example to stop him just letting himself in whilst she is sleeping?

Yes of course he will if he decides he wants to move back in, or even just get his things.

Unfortunately it's still HIS house as much as it's the OP.

And the law agrees.

She can lock her self in her bedroom. Doesn’t help if the toddler is home in their own room however. Or stop her waking up and just finding him on the sofa.

You can get a court order to stop him entering but time and reasons yadda yadda.

I'm really, really glad you've already gotten legal advice and your family is firmly yet calmly supporting you. Also glad your midwife has reassured you about him not being allowed near you while you're having the baby.

So glad to see you've taken legal advice OP.

There is nothing the op has said that implies she wouldn't let him get his things.

He'd, I assume, knock before calling the bloody police ffs.

It just means he can't just wander in when op is there and not expecting him

Don't be suprised if he just shows up be calm and collect but keep your stress levels to a minium op.

I have no experiences akin to what you are going through right now, (heartbreak yes, but piddly in comparison).

I just wanted to comment to say that I am in complete awe of your strength and that your children are beyond lucky to have such a strong Mumma Bear forever in their corner.

I so wish you nothing but love and happiness.

Just a single Mum cheering you on from London xxx

Don’t know if you might want to move this thread to the Relationships board OP? Obviously your choice but it will mean you might get fewer but still helpful posts - AIBU does have a lot of rubberneckers!

MNHQ will be able to move it if you ask them.

Legally no, but in practice, in all the circumstances, she could. Especially if a family member offers him an appointment to enter when they are also there.

He probably thinks you'll calm down after a day or two and he's now ready to come home.

Maybe it's worth replying to the message and seeing what he wants but say you're not interested in a conversation. He will soon get the message that you don't treat your family like this and expect to have a little
Silent treatment and it's all okay again.. 🤯

The OP was given this advice by a few people on the last 2 threads, but chose to stay in AIBU.

Yes I think this is wise.

Maybe respond via message so that he doesnt just come round uninvited

What do you mean 'offers him an appointment'?

It's legally his home and he can enter any time he wants.