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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

537 replies

Biggergirl16 · 09/12/2024 09:40

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 20/12/2024 09:05

Don't feed the troll guys.

WendyA22 · 21/12/2024 09:59

I didn't want or expect perfection. But throwaway comments hurt.

Boohoolol · 21/12/2024 21:49

Dumbles · 09/12/2024 13:32

Why don’t you ask her what her BMI is? Then you’ll know if she’s overweight or not!

FYI I’m not saying BMI is a great method, it doesn’t reflect muscle mass vs fat for example. So if you friend is very athletic and bulky as a result and that’s pure muscle then her BMI will come out as overweight or obese but she arguably has nothing to worry about. Doesn’t change the fact she will be medically overweight/obese.

I also don’t think finding odd examples changes the fact. The vast majority of women who are a size 14-16 will be medically overweight or obese. It’s a fact.

You’re a bit of a rude little lady aren’t you? Normal people don’t go about asking others their BMI unless there is a good reason (ie a medic)

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 21/12/2024 21:54

Zvifflemeyer · 20/12/2024 04:52

And if YOU don't understand that words are FREQUENTLY used outside of rigid dictionary definitions, you aren't nearly as smart as you think you are.
By your "logic", you can never use hyperbole or figurative speech because that's not how those words are defined in the dictionary.
That's not how languages work.

Are you OK @Zvifflemeyer ???

Zvifflemeyer · 22/12/2024 21:07

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 21/12/2024 21:54

Are you OK @Zvifflemeyer ???

I'm great, thanks for asking. How are you?

Zvifflemeyer · 22/12/2024 21:09

Boohoolol · 21/12/2024 21:49

You’re a bit of a rude little lady aren’t you? Normal people don’t go about asking others their BMI unless there is a good reason (ie a medic)

Well...it's somewhat an important detail in the matter at hand. It determines EXACTLY whether the husband is being a douche or the wife a hysterical hypersensitive crybaby.

nodramaplz · 22/12/2024 21:44

At the risk of getting annihilated!
Can I ask a question?

If you see yourself going up a dress size, then up another and up another.
Why does it not bother you until someone says something?

If you're happy with your size, don't worry what people think/say.
If you're not happy, then lose the weight.
Calorie deficit is usually the way forward 

I've two beautiful friends, size 12/14/16 used to be 8/10's

Constantly moaning about weight, on diets. Never losing weight.
I tell them ffs be comfortable in your own skin, be it 10 or 14
Either fix it or be happy.

Maybe I'm insensitive but I love them the way they are and wish they loved themselves as much as.
One tried to squeeze in to a 10/12 and looks poured in. The other is happy to buy the right size then lie.
I wish they were happy.

5128gap · 22/12/2024 22:23

pumpkinpillow · 16/12/2024 09:13

How are you coming across all these men who so freely tell you what they do and don't find attractive? Are you actively dating?

If you have conversations with men about weight, they will invariably tell you they prefer slim women if you're slim, and that they prefer 'curvy' women if you're not. Even the dimmest of them tend to know what's required of them when a woman brings this subject up.

Zvifflemeyer · 23/12/2024 01:52

5128gap · 22/12/2024 22:23

If you have conversations with men about weight, they will invariably tell you they prefer slim women if you're slim, and that they prefer 'curvy' women if you're not. Even the dimmest of them tend to know what's required of them when a woman brings this subject up.

yep. Honesty. If you don't like the answer, stop asking the question.

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/12/2024 02:03

fledging
(of a young bird) develop wing feathers that are large enough for flight.

Shelley999 · 23/12/2024 18:29

Good come back would be with regards to smaller men, looking pointedly at his crutch area.

User19876536484 · 24/12/2024 00:37

Shelley999 · 23/12/2024 18:29

Good come back would be with regards to smaller men, looking pointedly at his crutch area.

Only if he isn’t a “bigger boy”.

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