My husband referred to me as a “bigger girl”

[Biggergirl16]

To preface the thread, when me and my husband met I was a size 10 (this was 17 years ago). Sedimentary job, children etc and I’m now a size 14-16.

Another friend had a baby this weekend, every person we know who has had a baby in the last 5 years has had c-sections for a variety of reasons other than me. In general conversation, I happened to mention to my husband that there seems to be a lot of csections, particularly amongst friends who would probably describe themselves as super fit/gym goers etc and that I found it odd that I was the only one who hasn’t had one. His response was “bigger girls like you…..” my face immediately dropped and he didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He immediately started back tracking saying he didn’t mean I was fat etc. He has never really commented on my weight before, and I’m under no illusions that I’m “small” but I have recently already lost some weight and was feeling good about myself again. I just can’t look at him the same, it’s completely given me the ick. We were already going through a bit of a rough patch with work pressure, small children etc. I feel this has put the nail in the coffin of our already fledging sex life. He tried to cuddle me in bed last night and I just felt nothing but repulsion. Can I recover from this?!

Silly boy.

How are you coming across all these men who so freely tell you what they do and don't find attractive? Are you actively dating?

They are telling you what they think you want to hear.

The same men will be telling thin women that they don’t find bigger women attractive.

@RobW1 Not insulting your partner/wife is the most basic expectation.. not perfection. That was horrible what he said.

Ladies, trust me, you are not going to get through the rough and tumble of married life being so oversensitive.

.Ooooooooooh LAYDEEEEEEEES!

A MAN HAS ARRIVED TO TELL US ALL HOW TO BEHAVE!

LISTEN UP! And LEARN! Woo hoo! 😆

Yay, a man has come on to tell us about marriage, “ladies”! Thank god, we can’t do it without their advice! 🙄

Rob I bet I’m older than you, and have been with DH for 36 years, so I’ve had plenty of the rough and tumble of marriage. Like most on here, I don’t need your opinion on what marriage entails and how to get through it.

Oh and despite my being a bit overweight my husband doesn’t insult me. Because he’s not a twat.

Bless, I'm not telling you 'how to behave', rather suggesting some introspection about why one might have an catastrophic reaction to a comment. They are quite different you see.

Awww.....Bless you too my dear. 😍 I needed a random MAN on the internet, to tell me how to conduct my marriage of 35+ years - and my relationship with my husband. I needed guidance and advice, because I don't know how to 'do' marriage. And I know virtually nothing about my husband.

Thank God a MAN come on here and advised me.

THANK GOD! 🙏

"And I know virtually nothing about my husband."

That is probably true.

Absolutely. I NEED a random man to advise me. Please random man on the internet... Please keep giving your advice to us clueless women. We NEED you.

Ignore the mansplainer who thinks everyone should speak bluntly.. that's the opposite way to be around people if you want a smooth relationship.
No-one is taking your advice mate, you picked the worst forum 😂

😂

I don't agree, as some were women who told me they liked a man but he told them they prefer women with more curves. Also men who are just friends chatting about women they like.

I'm sorry, I'm struggling to understand what you're saying here. And who are you saying 'I don't agree' to??? You don't agree with what?

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I think she is replying to me asking up thread "How are you coming across all these men who so freely tell you what they do and don't find attractive? Are you actively dating?"

She had said ".....amount of men who tell me that they don't find thin women attractive."

She is explaining how so many men are telling her they don't find thin men attractive.

Or something.

So...he should call you a boy? I'm not sure what would make you so mad.

I will never understand how so many women have no clue that the vast majority of what men tell them is insincere and is just a way to get them into bed.

if she's "bigger", how is it an insult? If she is uncomfortable with that, she needs to eat better and exercise until she ISN'T a "bigger girl". He did nothing wrong.

Well, since you can't figure it out on your one, SOMEONE has to tell you

To call an adult woman " girl" is demeaning and patronising.
OP's DH obviously doesn't see her as an equal if he calls her " girl". He sees her as immature and childish.
As I'm sure I said in another post near the beginning of the thread.

I don't control what posts do and don't show up. My window is clogged with people quoting other people. I'm not that pressed to go search out your first comment.
And no, it isn't demeaning or patronizing. It is a quite common way to refer to a female. Of ANY age. Just like people do with males. Sometimes they call them "boys"
Any derision you got from that is inferred and likely not at all intended. I hear people use it all the time and it isn't with an even SLIGHTLY negative connation.
Context and all...
Which in the OP's case, yeah, no. Not even the slightest HINT of demeaning or patronizing intent. That's just you. Being hypersensitive.

But you are bigger, in comparison to your gym bunny friends.

As I said you are just repeating what was said near the beginning of the thread.

I have no intention of arguing with you.

If you don't know the difference between adults I.e. men and women over the age of 18 ( in the UK at least) with the maturity and responsibility that implies, and boys and girls I.e. young people who do not have the knowledge, maturity and common sense of mature adults, then you obviously are lacking in basic understanding. And therefore you don't have the required skills to use woman/ girl and man/ boy correctly.

And if YOU don't understand that words are FREQUENTLY used outside of rigid dictionary definitions, you aren't nearly as smart as you think you are.
By your "logic", you can never use hyperbole or figurative speech because that's not how those words are defined in the dictionary.
That's not how languages work.