That’s such a gutting thing to hear, especially when you were feeling good about yourself. I think the first thing to recognize is that this is about how you feel, not just what he said. It’s clear his comment hit a nerve, especially if you were already feeling vulnerable or dealing with other stresses in your marriage. It’s completely understandable that it’s shaken you.
That said, it might help to take a moment to unpack why his words hurt so much. Is it because you feel he’s noticing something you’ve been insecure about, or because it confirmed a fear that he might see you differently? Often, these feelings are less about the words themselves and more about what they seem to imply.
From what you’ve written, it sounds like he’s trying to backtrack because he realized what a colossal foot-in-mouth moment he had. Men can be utterly clueless sometimes when it comes to understanding how sensitive certain comments can be. His "bigger girls like you..." line may have been less about criticizing you and more a terribly clumsy way of making a point about fitness and C-sections, but that doesn’t make it less painful for you to hear.
If you want to try to recover from this, it’ll take a proper conversation—not a “you hurt me” standoff, but an open talk about how his words made you feel. Tell him that while you know you’re not the same size as 17 years ago, you’ve been working hard, and his comment made you feel unattractive and unappreciated, especially when you’ve already been struggling. He may not realize the full impact of what he said until you spell it out for him.
As for the ick—you’re feeling it now, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. The ick often comes from a mix of emotional hurt and pride being wounded. Time, apologies, and him making an effort to show he truly values and desires you can help. But if this is part of a broader pattern where you’re feeling unsupported or unloved, it might be worth exploring that together (or even with a therapist). The fact that this came at a low point in your relationship suggests there’s more going on than just this one comment.
Finally, give yourself grace here. You’ve grown and changed over 17 years, and your body has done a lot—children, work, life stress—it’s all in there. You’re making steps to feel good about yourself again, and that’s for you. Whether or not you can recover from this as a couple, don’t let his clumsy words derail the progress you’re making for your own well-being. You’re more than a number on a label, and his opinion—however stupidly worded—isn’t the full measure of your worth