Friend can never be happy for my child

[Snowballing1]

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

Why do you need her to acknowledge and compliment your child? Why does it bother you so much that she hasn't?

Doesn't sound like she's the one with a problem.

It is weird if a close friend has never said anything nice, ever. Especially in first instances. I agree she is probably annoyed by your DD and watching others ‘fawn/congratulate’ your SD and not hers even if it’s outwith your control. I’d ignore and minimise interaction with her unless she truly adds positivity to your life. I’d bet money she’d have something to say if your DD messed up on a national scale (like bombing out of the olympics etc) or even be gleeful about it.

because this woman is meant to be a close, long-standing friend? Would you not congratulate one of your oldest friends' kids if they achieved something and you saw them soon after? Would you not say, "well done, that was so good!" to any parent of a soloist you were sitting next to at a school concert, let alone if they were your old friend?!

Of course it’s odd.

This woman is your friend…friends celebrate and commiserate the wins and the losses of each other and by extension, their children.

I cant conceive of sitting beside a friend as their child sings a solo and making no comment about it whatsoever.

Shes clearly very jealous of your child’s achievements.

because this woman is meant to be a close, long-standing friend?

Nah! I don't care what the OP claims, I'm not having it! 🤣🤣

Frienemy more like and stiff competition.

Yes it sounds like OP is doing that too. She wants the and comments. Her daughter probably isn't aware of it. But OP clearly has turned it into an issue that the other woman won't praise her.

Without sounding too outing, dd qualified for a trip abroad with her sport & the WhatsApp group & parents were messaging to wish her good luck. Dd has also had lots of well wishes from neighbours, family etc also. This woman hasn't acknowledged it once.
Even a good luck to dd ,enjoy the trip (to me as I'm going too ...)

Some people just really do struggle to be generous in nature and it sounds like she is that kind of person.

I would just let it go, it’s more sad for her that she can’t be happy for someone else’s child.

Children who succeed to a high level in hobbies deserve to be lauded. All children are special and of equal worth but we shouldn’t shy away from congratulating achievement born out of hard work.

And I say this as a deeply average person with zero achievements of note 😁

I have no idea why you are so desperate for this woman to validate your child.

You know she's doing well, that should be enough.

You've said that you've also told your friend you child is being picked (above her child) for school events. Your friend probably thinks your insufferably competitive.

I have had a child compete at national events in sport, I've also currently got a teen who is rising through the ranks in her sport. I don't need any friend's validation to be proud of them. There are parents who do though and genuinely I feel sorry for the kids because the pressure is on them not to disappoint their parents, I'm not saying you are doing this but you appear to be setting way too much store on validation.

Why do I get the impression that both the OP and the other mother are a bit "much" about their kids?

The OP's "friend" sounds annoying. But I also can't imagine keeping tabs on whether someone has complimented my child or not.

I'd quietly eyeroll if my child's school was constantly highlighting the sporting achievements of one of the pupils, TBH.

And dd has had plenty of ups & downs. With plenty more to come as is the nature of any sport.. There are often more bad days than good days!

Jeez you are making yourself look even worse now

As I said it's not just my child. There are other kids achieving highly in other sports & music.

I haven't told her that! Her child is in my child's class so she knows who is chosen!

But the rest of it remains. Why do you feel the need to be validated by this friend? It's frankly bizarre.

You clearly have an exceptional child just enjoy it. Don't focus on other people.

You're not making it sound any better!
Stop looking for likes from people.

The woman isn't obliged to say anything. You and your child obviously don't feature too highly on her radar and that's fine, it doesnt mean she's jealous or anything more to it. Yet you are so wound up about no acknowledgment from her.

It's not validation . I guess it's being supportive & wishing my dd well. It takes a minute to say
" Best of luck to Snowball jnr , enjoy the trip"
That's all.. we have been friends for years & all our other mutual friends have been very supported, excited for dd & her journey.

It's not just about the trip is it though?

That's not what your OP is about.

Honestly, stop making your own happiness dependent on the actions of others. She doesn't owe you anything.

YANBU, OP.

There are a lot of people here who are clearly rather like your friend and never give praise to other kids.

The OP keeps saying she’s a longtime friend, but hasn’t got a good word to say for her. Who knows how the other woman actually views her now? Maybe she can see the OP is desperately over-invested in the sporting success of her daughter and doesn’t want to amplify it even further. Maybe she’s not keen on sport. Maybe she disapproves of the way the OP’s daughter’s sport seems to have consumed her (the OP’s) identity.

Maybe, like me, she sees the sacrifices made by the rest of the family to take the child to training, competitions etc and doesn’t think it’s great. One of DS’s primary school friends had an older brother who was on the national development squad for tennis, and another child playing at county level, and the entirety of family life was consumed in getting them to training, tournaments etc — DS’s friend spent a lot of time with us at weekends because the alternative was being up at dawn to drive hours to development squad or matches, and then just hanging around for hours doing her homework in an arena, because the other parent had taken the other child somewhere else. Which is a lot for a six year old. No sport success makes the sacrifices made by the rest of the family worthwhile to me.

My post is about the radio silence from her regarding my child who is really good friends with hers. It's not making me unhappy, I just can't understand why a friend wouldn't want to celebrate other friends success & that extends to their children also.

Never mind.

I'm sure the whole town will organise a homecoming parade with an open top bus 🙄

Although that still wouldn't be sufficient without a like or love heart from this woman.

Sounds like you have lots of support from other people. Just maybe something is happening in her life that you know nothing about because most people don't need verification for everthing. Your thing isn't even remotely on her radar. You kid got a trip, hippy te depity doo daa. It's important to you not the entire fing world.

OP, she’s just jealous. There’s no explanation why a friend or even a stranger would not sit next to you at a concert and just say a friendly well done about your daughter doing xxx. And not acknowledging your daughter achieving in her sport, I mean you’d expect at least one message via text or verbally. Just an acknowledgment really.
But you know that! That’s why you’re getting all these messages about why should she do/say xxx.

Well you've been discussing it for 4 hours now and 65% say YABU.

Somehow I don't think you'll ever 'understand' this non issue 🤷‍♂️