Friend can never be happy for my child

[Snowballing1]

I have a friend whose dd is in the same class as mine. This woman is very successful in her field & has always had very high expectations for her dd. From a very young age she would compare hers with mine & hers would always be superior.
However as the years went on my dd became very competent at her sport & is now competing nationally . She is also chosen for a lot of things at school & has been given recognition for her sporting achievements.
Many parents in the class have text or had a kind word to say but zero from this friend & she's been like that for a number of years.
She just cannot bring herself to say anything nice about my child.
If we meet I never mention dds achievements, I'm don't put posts on social media (but the school have posted quite a bit over the years of dd but said woman has never liked or commented)
Aibu to be a bit flummoxed?

Really?! 😂

I have never gone around complimenting my friends DC's 'achievements' or expected them to compliment mine. What a batshit thread @Snowballing1 She is not jealous of you - OR your DD. She doesn't care, and she doesn't need to care.

I know a woman who was upset (several years ago) because I wasn't excited enough when she announced her DD was getting married next summer, after 8 years with her partner!

Like IDGAF. 😆

@Snowballing1
I too want to ask why you need this from this woman.

I know a woman whose daughter does a sport ( rhythmic gymnastics). She used to be a mum of a child in my daughter's class, so an acquaintance rather than a friend. I've never ever mentioned her daughter's achievements even though I saw them on social media.

I personally didn't mention them because I don't believe in the lifestyle the child and the whole family leads to achieve these goals.
I have my own set of values and while I wouldn't ever say directly what I think about certain parenting choices, I'm also not two faced, so I just won't mention it.

She commented years back how she felt sad that "the class" wasn't "supportive" of her daughter, meaning that we didn't facilitate going to see her exhibitions.
This sort of thought process implies that she felt that her lifestyle and choices were objectively "good" and therefore couldn't see why we wouldn't want to congratulate and support her daughter.

There are personally a whole host of reasons why I would congratulate and feel truly happy for my friends' children but if I am honest with you, being good at a sport really isn't one of them, especially if it means sacrificing a significant proportion of childhood and family life with siblings to do so.

You’re just making shit up now.

I also said dd has been chosen by the school for quite a few things besides her sport. And again she just can't acknowledge that.

Are you even reading the posts you’re responding to?

The thing is OP, you actually are looking for validation, because you believe that all the effort your dd and your family have put in should be recognised.
But maybe not everyone feels that your choices are ones to be praised.

On the contrary @nomoretreats has got it bang on!

Does that even matter? The children's congratulated your daughter, that s what matters for your daughter. The mum doesn't need to congratulate you.

Yes a poster wanted to know how other parents got my number & I responded. Read the post!

She's a friend for years, I would always have a kind word for my friends dcs, nieces & nephews . It's nice to be nice.

Why dies she needs to? News flash, she doesn't have to.

I think it's because the OP feels deep down the other child is more gifted than her own, and she doesn't like that feeling.

Receiving praise from this woman, would probably soften that a bit and make the OP feel the woman sees her child as some sort of 'worthy competition'.

My advice would be for the OP to concentrate on her own achievements, and then she mightn't be as needy over her child's.

No she doesn't but I think it's quite petty to blatantly ignore! Other parents in the class & school have no issues saying good luck, none of them are obliged to either!

If that was your main takeaway from that comment, I’m not the one who needs to reread it. 🤦🏾‍♀️

Are you referring to me? My friends child does not compete in the same sport as dd.

I mean when you think about it, your kids isn’t on the WhatsApp. So what are these parents even saying?! Congratulations on your child’s achievements? Surely that’s really cringe? Like when people wish toddlers happy birthday on Facebook knowing they wont see it. All for show.

You’re starting to sound nuts.

You asked, and 66% think YABU. Now, what?

Perhaps they know how desperately needy some parents can be, so they do feel obliged?

@YabbaDabbaDooooo
Yes, I think you could be right.
This much desire to be acknowledged, and by a specific person, doesn't scream confidence.

No , not at all. The same is done for other children who get mentioned in the newsletters & school socials not just mine!
The children also get their own recognition during assemblies.

Why is it petty. You have lots of people saying congratulations. Is that not enough. It's like fb I rarely comment because people just want more. Who has time for that? It's like obsessing when someone doesn't happy birthday on FB. No one really cares they just do it because every one else does it. The same goes for WhatsApp school posts, no one really cares but post anyway which I why avoid it like the plague.

Honestly just let her get on with ignoring you. You don’t need her validation. If she’s jealous/stewing/disinterested/forgetful whatever, just let her be so. It’s fine. DD is still thriving.

OP has explained that she would expect some praise as this woman is a long-term friend who has known DD since birth. Nothing unusual or weird about that! I got a promotion at my (very normal, not high-achieving) job recently, and my friends sent me a bunch of flowers to say congrats. Because you know, friends are usually happy for each others' successes? Our kids are all still very young but I know we'd all be praising each others' kids to the hilt if they achieved something in an olympic sport.

OP, this woman simply isn't a friend, I'm afraid. I think you're getting upset because you're expecting her to act like one, but she's going to keep disappointing you, as she clearly doesn't care about your family. She just liked having you around as someone to boast to and someone to compare herself with. Sorry to be blunt, but there it is.

If you otherwise enjoy her company then keep seeing her in a group setting but just slowly fade her out of 1-to-1 stuff. She's not a real friend, so please don't keep beating yourself up by expecting her to act like one.

Again, so why do you need a woman you clearly resent to acknowledge you? It’s clearly your daughter is acknowledged by her school and her friends. Why is this all about you?

Yes I was and I know that but she doesn't need to, does she?

You want this mother to 'recognise' your child's achievements (note, they're not YOUR achievements) because deep down you feel the other child is more gifted.

And receiving that 'recognition' would make you feel she saw your child as worthy competition, as to who's the most gifted child in the year group.

As I said previously, my DC are adults now and this sort of transparent 'one-upmanship' went on all the time.

The other parents viewed it as pathetic and the kids were embarrassed about it.