To think that *Some men steal the joy

[Vodkaandpepsimax]

Out of life?

I see it around me, with friend’s husbands and then often have it at home with mine and also grew up with a dad who veered between super fun, very imaginative and funny to very grumpy…It would feel like a lot revolved around his mood, whereas mum stayed pretty constant (or pretended to be at least)
Yesterday, trying to get all christmassy (I enjoy it all and especially for dd, 6’s sake) went to a christmas event, Dh silent in the car, me singing along awkwardly with dd to a Mr Tumble xmas cd. It was very busy when we arrived, lots of time to park, yes annoying, but dh so moody about it, I offer to drive/park, he snaps back. Complains about queues for the hot chocolate…just takes the joy out of the experience. I’ve booked for just dd and I to go to see The Nutcracker as I know it will be a much nicer, special experience just us, but obviously need to do things as a family.
Anyone else in this situation

Seen this mood sucker behaviour from both sexes and I am very happy my DH is not one. My Dad could be like this when he was not confident in a situation, or it was too crowded, so we learned not to pull him into environments where this behaviour kicked off (after learning the hard way sadly) and when my Mum died I made it very clear to him that should he ever kick off in my company, then he would be told to do one, and indeed was on more than one occasion by me! I no longer had to pacify him as Mum did for our sakes and interestingly the behaviour then became increasingly rarer, so I wonder if nipping it in the bud is the way to go for some?

What child would not want to fly model aeroplanes?!? My DC BGB would all LOVE that!

Alnightingale said quite clearly that HER children wouldn't and didn't want to do it.

Hi, they were only very young at the time, maybe three and four, and it was usually some muddy field on a cold winter's day!

She actually said no young child.

I agree. You can be a bit quiet without stomping around, muttering FFS or banging items to let everyone know you're unhappy.

My ex was like this . One year we had a trip to London booked for just after new year . Activities booked for us and DS . The night before he announced he wasn’t going . He really thought I wouldn’t go but I took DS and we had a good time though it did put a bit of a cloud over the trip as DS felt guilty leaving his dad behind . Christmas is so much better without him.

Exactly, or being snappy, irritable and having a face like a slapped arse at a family event when nobody there has done anything to cause your mood. It’s especially childish when you’re just with your kids and partner as everyone can feel the mood and it brings down everyone’s enjoyment. It’s one thing at home on a normal day where you can just take yourself off and deal with your mood in peace, but another thing altogether on a day out/family event. Kids do pick up on these things too, very much so. Everyone ends up on eggshells and it isn’t fair.

I've noticed it's always men who loudly sigh when out and about, "notice me, I'm a man and I'm annoyed" fuck off mate, I'll keep not acknowledging you.

I got unreasonably pissed off the other year when Next's Christmas pj's were, Glamorous Elf (Mum), Cheeky/naughty Elf (kids) and Grumpy Elf (Dad). I just thought that it normalised being grumpy at a time were you should be making the best of it around kids. Men could behave how they wanted during my childhood (1970's), no-one should be putting up with it anymore. I see posts on here from younger women finding 55+ year old men attractive and I always think, spend time in his company when he isn't on his best behavior. Mine's alright, but I have had to threaten to go back to my house, on occasion. We don't have children/GC together and do our own interests, separately.

What’s wrong with these arses being mood hoovers😤
I put my husbands down to him seeing his father rule the roost ,I don’t think it was a coincidence that his sister was also like the mother.My MIL was so lovely ☺️.

Not mother ……the father

@Ponoka7 I agree- my friend who is mid 40s has recently split with her partner who is 64 -10 years ago she said the age difference didn't matter- now she finds he's moody and grumpy more often than he isn't and doesn't like the general ambience. There 'are' some cheery older men out there but often the ones you don't remotely fancy I've found!!

It's also men who sigh and breathe the loudest in yoga classes.

It's like fuck OFF with that energy.

They just have to take up as much human space as possible, don't they? Even with their fucking breath.

That stomping around swearing under his breath really pisses me off.

And when he opens his presents from family the appreciation is muted and silent when it's from me.

@Crushed23 Exactly, they have to take up space and be noticed. It's the same when I'm walking out and about, men will purposefully make sure they cross my path and make sure I notice them, and then theres me doing the opposite and trying to avoid them.. it's quite funny seeing them do it sometimes. But also annoying and a bit disappointing when it's well known how women feel vulnerable walking alone.
It's not all of them no, but it is just men.
Anyway I'm on a tangent, back to men being grumpy 😆

My friend is 60 and has a great job which she has insisted is wfh 95%.

She is highly qualified and was asked to start returning to the office 2 years ago.
She promptly sent in her resignation and when they nearly had a heart attack she told them not to mention it again or she wouldn't agree to rescind it.
She's a definite "couldn't give two fxcks post menopausal woman".

Anyway about 5 years ago when she actually started working from home she put a home office in to the back of her large garden.
As she was planning it another friend who had one mentioned her regret at not getting a larger one as with teen kids she would love to move out there sometimes!

My friend on the back of this chat, upgraded her order massively and went for a two bed, open plan kitchen living room, with a stove.
One bed is her office, the other has a double bed.
It has a great aspect so is very bright and comfortable.
Her children have now left home and she stays there very regularly as she calls it her work/hobby/gin space.

She uses it to socialise with her girlfriends, and it has hugely taken the strain of her marriage off her.
She no longer okays with him visitors calling to see her, it is no longer his business as they don't go through the main house.

Her husband is quiet and a tad moody.
She is no longer even vaguely entertaining him.
The minute she senses him being "off" she is gone.

She has her own mini kitchen, freezer etc and can literally walk 100ft and she is in HER space.
Even when he is in ok form she will just tell him she is going to be on her own.

She said it is without a doubt the best thing she has ever done for herself.
Interestingly she has no interest in the main house and her husband has a cleaner coming in once a fortnight as she doesn't really do much there anymore.

We all envy her the space.

I think you got my ex …no not really but I always told him he sucked the joy out of life. We’d be having fun, then he would turn up and whatever we did thereafter, staying in or going out, he would pout and stomp and glare, or mope. Crack a smile? Never. It was like the light went out on the day. Even the dogs hid. If it wasn’t his idea, don’t let him come along because his mood dampened the whole thing. Better to fix things myself than ask. With his pals, he was the life and soul.
edited typo ..had written digs for dogs

Wonder why he was life and soul with them but everyone else he was the fun sucker? Two extremes. So weird

I'm glad she has a solution but sounds they have a miserable marriage and she'd be happier on her own.

My DP is like this & it makes me want to scream - other people get the best of him because he is enjoying himself, doing things he wants to do & there are no demands being placed on him. Me & DC get the rubbish parts, moody, sullen fun sponge who resents doing anything to help us & will not entertain doing things DC might enjoy but he won't. He wants to come out with us on Christmas Eve & I'm already dreading it.

Our first minister Wales lived in the garden, his wife and MIL lived in the house. I suspect that was a dead marriage

Right. Just get a divorce and live in a proper house.

@Dontletthebedbugsbite2 God that sounds awful, I feel for you and the kids. Sounds like you'd have a much better time without him, yet he still wants to come? I don't understand it at all.. he wants to inflict his miserable presence on everyone.