Friend locking in plans a week in advance

[Poooooooooooof67]

My friend is constantly locking in plans a week in advance. We agreed to meet last Friday. A whole WEEK before that, she is tying to agree timings, place etc. Our eves are always a casual "let's do something on x day". Not a special event. Neither of us need to arrange sitters for DC or have DH or need to plan around any work timings.

I just find it so odd that for a casual night she needs to have such detailed plans, so far in advance. It feels like wants to lock me into defined plans. I'll think about Friday night, on Thursday night. Not a week beforehand.

AIBU ?

Such a non-issue. I always make plans in advance with friends, sometimes 2-4 weeks in advance. Not that unusual when you have a busy life - and the people in your life have a busy life too. I even arrange to meet adult DD a week or two in advance. They are busy professionals with very full diaries. I am a busy person too!

We can be there at the drop of a hat in an emergency of course/if we're needed, but otherwise, yeah we do plan in advance. As pps have have said, we often have other plans...

It is far from 'needy' and everyone I know who I meet up with does the same.

How old are you?

Have you got a job? Children?

Sounds like you have a lot of spare time on your hands. Not everyone has!

Well I’m with you OP.

If we’ve agreed to spend the evening together, we don’t need to firm up timings / details till nearer the time.

To respond to assumptions, I don’t cancel, I’m not late, I’m not flakey, but it stresses me out and takes some of the enjoyment out of the experience to be very rigid.

It's you

I don't think it sounds bad. Maybe she really, really wants this night out and is just 'securing' it. It shouldn't bother you if you are as easy-going as you suggest.

I’m meeting my friend Tuesday night, same as you no children etc to arrange for. We have had this booked for weeks, we always do. I’m looking forward to seeing her. This is completely normal.
Do you even like this person?

I thought you were going to say like 3 months in advance. A week is totally normal to lock in plans.

That's normal. You'd hate me. I sort out our meeting time when we make the plan so if that's 6 weeks in advance and I've booked a particular restaurant then will confirm right x date at x time at x place booked let's meet in x bar first at x time for a drink.

But I have kids so know exactly what I'm going to be doing well in advance.

My city has places you can walk in but if we want a particular place then you book it.

She is normal. It’s very normal to make firm plans to meet at a certain place at a certain time and stick to them. It’s incredibly flaky to be like ‘whenever whatever I roll with the breeze.’ No. Book a table and make life easy for everyone.

This. ^ I couldn't be doing with such flakiness.

I think your friends approach to this is very normal.

My friends and I always lock in exact times/meeting places when we plan it. No reason not to I guess. And then it’s just done and sorted and you know what you’re doing.

That just doesn't work for most adults though.

If you have kids you can't just drop everything and decide on the day, you have to arrange childcare. I was a single mother for about a decade: it took weeks to arrange a babysitter.

If you want to do anything which involves booking how on earth can you expect to do that if you decide on the day? You won't be able to get a table in a restaurant or a cinema ticket or anything.

Unless you are just literally tipping up to the local pub or sitting in your front room it isn't going to work.

Lack of some spontaneity is the price to pay for a functioning life.

A week isn't that excessive, I don't think, especially not for evenings, and when it's dark.

I tend to socialise during the day, so don't mind a bit more flexibility.

Me too!

I've just been speaking with my sister arranging where we are going to meet and what time next Saturday. Didn't think that was too far in advance.

YABVVU

YADBU.
I could never leave plans until the night before - too stressful. Much better to sort timings in advance. Even thinking about leaving it to the last minute makes me feel panicky 😂

I think it’s nice to know what I’m doing. Then a) I can look forward to it and b) I can cross it off my mental list of things to do / plan.

I understand some people are very wedded to ‘going with the flow’ - and I’m glad that works for them - but they are not my people! I find I get more out of life with a plan…

YABU

I'm usually a "decide what to do on the day" - or maybe the day before if we;re meeting at the restaurant, but this time of year if you're planning to eat, restaurants can be rammed with large parties, even places that are normally quiet. I'm in London, so lots of options - but it's too cold to traipse around looking for somewhere.

I would agree that if you meet twice a week every week, it may be excessive to agree exactly where you will be meeting and what you will be doing on Saturday evening a week in advance if you already have plans to meet up on Wednesday evening. Why not just agree it on Wednesday?

But why not decide where you're going a week in advance? You've got to decide at some point, and surely a week ahead is just as good as 24 hours ahead.
Perhaps you feel you are more laid back than your friend, but categorically refusing to decide where to have dinner next Thursday is no more logical or chilled than categorically insisting on deciding now.

I would absolutely want to know the time and place in advance! So I can plan my days.

This

Totally normal. I am busy. Like to have a day/time/location planned and then I block it out. Vague meetups might get cancelled. Don't really understand why you have an issue with it unless you hope to change it at the last minute.