Friend locking in plans a week in advance

[Poooooooooooof67]

My friend is constantly locking in plans a week in advance. We agreed to meet last Friday. A whole WEEK before that, she is tying to agree timings, place etc. Our eves are always a casual "let's do something on x day". Not a special event. Neither of us need to arrange sitters for DC or have DH or need to plan around any work timings.

I just find it so odd that for a casual night she needs to have such detailed plans, so far in advance. It feels like wants to lock me into defined plans. I'll think about Friday night, on Thursday night. Not a week beforehand.

AIBU ?

Just confirmed plans for Friday with a friend, the restaurant we had fancied is fully booked.

My friend is like you and I hate not knowing what is happening.
'I'll come see you on Friday'

What time? What are we doing? Am I cooking? Are you bringing wine?

I hate the uncertainty.

Sounds normal to me. I hate trying to make plans with people who won't commit. It feels like they hold off in case a better offer comes along.

Are you quite young op? I was a bit like you when I was in my early 20s. But that all changed with responsibilities and age.
Now I need a months notice, and permission to back out last minute if I change my mind 🤣

Totally normal. Sometimes 2 or 3 weeks in advance!

I’m the same as you and the OP.

We’re meeting Friday? Grand! It’ll be around 7/8/9 pm depending on work / life commitments. We might agree where (near you / in town / that new restaurant etc ) but we can firm up the details - the where and what - nearer the time.

Her behaviour is normal. Your reaction reflects some issue/s of your own. Get digging into your own rationales and past for some answers, if you are genuinely curious about this.

Read the responses, your opinion is in the minority.

You're the unusual one here. Do you not have much else going on in your life that you can just plan things extremely last minute every time?

How old are you OP? When I was in my 20s I did things fairly casually and winged it. I'm in my early 50s now and all of my friends either have kids or professional jobs or both: we book things in sometimes several weeks ahead of time because people are busy and there's no way on earth I could do a casual "what are you doing tonight" type thing.

I don't think a week in advance is remotely odd, even if you're young: I think its very normal and if you find this too much you probably are quite flaky/secretly hoping for a better offer.

I think your friend is being very normal. Most of the people I know will plan a night our in advance.
It's fine that you're both completely different but it's strange you're this bothered by it.

You say you'll think about Friday night on Thursday. I'm probably busy on Thursday. Straight from work to another commitment and can't look at my phone for a back and forth about plans. What then? Your friend probably just has more on than you.

I need timings. Nothing wrong with dinner at x time at x place, then can get a drink afterwards somewhere spontaneous. I’ve friends like this, they think of somewhere literally the night before and 9 times out of ten it’ll be booked up / then timings have to change and it’s a faff. Or we’ll do a vague plan of a morning coffee but no timings and I never know when to get up / what time to do anything then often I’ll be rushing as I then don’t have enough time to actually travel there. It drives me mad and I get stressed

This is totally normal. Friend messaged me a couple of months ago saying her run up to Christmas was starting to look busy when shall we meet. Confirmed last week soma table could be booked for next week

Especially this time of year then yeah you do have to prearrange a couple of week in advance

Sounds normal to me.
I do the same. I have a lot to fit in... If you ask me the night before then it's unlikely I'd be free.

Completely normal. In fact, planning it only a week before feels quite "last-minute" to me.

'A WHOLE WEEK'. That makes me laugh. She's the normal one here in my opinion.

Your friend is completely normal.

How am I supposed to plan my day, meal plans, other activities, childcare, household chores, travel etc if we only have 'rough plans'?

Both of you sound normal. There’s a just spectrum for how much certainty vs uncertainty people enjoy in their calendar.

I’m naturally more like you, but my DH and a few close friends are planners like your friend. I’m happy to commit to whatever I can in advance for them when requested and in exchange they take the lead on a lot of planning. I don’t want our time together to be a source of stress for them, and since I’m not intending to flake on them committing to specific times & places isn’t some big sacrifice for me.

No need to turn it into a battle IMO.

I might be an outlier but I'm also someone who is irrationally irritated by people wanting to plan more than a couple of days in advance 😆 If we've set a date, a loose time e.g, evening I'm comfortable leaving it until the morning of the meetup to iron out the details. I'm not a flakey, unreliable person either - but I am more than happy to wing it!

Sounds perfectly normal to me. I mean, I wouldn’t want a laminated itinerary, but deciding on a date and rough plan a week in advance is usual practice isn’t it?

I’m with you! How will you know what kind of night out you’re going to be in the mood for so far in advance? If its a night out and not, say, a dinner party where advance planning is required I say lock in the date and time a week or even a month in advance and then check in a day or two before to chat about what you’re both in the mood for! No sense going for a quiet meal and a chat if you’re in the mood for a dance! And similarly nothing worse than being out at the dancing when you’re in the mood for something more low key.

This is normal. I can't stand flakiness or giving people the opportunity to bail.

Perfectly normal.

Fair enough if you prefer to make plans closer to the time but it's a bit unusual that it bothers you so much.

You're having a laugh, aren't you?! She sounds organised, and you sound chaotic.