Friend locking in plans a week in advance

[Poooooooooooof67]

My friend is constantly locking in plans a week in advance. We agreed to meet last Friday. A whole WEEK before that, she is tying to agree timings, place etc. Our eves are always a casual "let's do something on x day". Not a special event. Neither of us need to arrange sitters for DC or have DH or need to plan around any work timings.

I just find it so odd that for a casual night she needs to have such detailed plans, so far in advance. It feels like wants to lock me into defined plans. I'll think about Friday night, on Thursday night. Not a week beforehand.

AIBU ?

She seems sensible and wants to know what she's doing. Folk get fed up with friends who can't commit to a time.

She’s normal yabu

This is how the conversation usually goes
Free to meet up soon?
Yes, how about next Friday?
Sounds good. Do you want to watch that film/ try this restaurant/ see this exhibition/ come over to mine?
Definitely. 7pm?
See you then

.

your friend sounds a bit anxious. Just go along with it and agree a time and place and then she'll leave you be till the day you meet up.

This is very normal. Weird you’re trying to say it’s a thing but. Sounds like you’re the one with an issue.

Try living in london where everyone wants to book a table on a specific time/ date 3 months in advance, then everyone cancels anyway because the momentum we had three months ago is gone.

I can't deal with the "let's do something next Sunday" people.

Give me a time and place and I'll be there but I've no interested in waiting all week to know whether it's a morning walk on the prom or a 4 course meal in a high end restaurant"

Very normal thing to do.

What would drive me mad is someone saying I'll think about Fri on Thurs. Sometimes it's not just about that night itself, it can be about deciding what evening you will do exercise or how to organise grocery shopping.

Your friend sounds like a sensible grown-up.

Perfectly normal to plan in advance where and when you will meet up.

It feels a bit entitled that you expect your friend to just keep her entire day free for you because you can't be arsed to think about the details. I assume she has other things to do beyond just meeting you.

Also 'locking in' is a meaningless turn of phrase...

Calling you friend 'needy' is a rather disrespectful thing to do. Seems to me that you are taking her and her time for granted.

Could never have you as a friend.

Yabu to see it as needy. Maybe she just likes to know her plans. Maybe if you're going to go for Italian on a Friday she'd like to know so she doesn't make spaghetti for dinner on Thursday. People are different. Neither of
you are odd or over thetop just different. Get over it.

Normal

@Poooooooooooof67 i have adhd and if plans aren’t locked in place it niggles at me and makes me anxious.

Im often happy to be the one that sorts out bookings etc (just in case..).-

I struggle with time blindness as well so like things locked down so I can work my day out as to how much travel time I need, shower time, time I need to leave house etc.

I’m totally with you OP I cant plan ahead but fair plays to those that do. I go day by day and think about things when I have t. I’m not flakey either always turn up just don’t stress about the finer details

Seems totally normal. Don't you thing it would be annoying for her if she banked on you being free, called you up the day before, but you had plans and she'd left it too late to sort anything else out. She might have a busy schedule and she wants to make sure she makes the most of her free time and not leave it all to chance.

So normal to me. I might make loose plans weeks/months before but definitely firmed up anything 1-3 weeks in advance. 1 week is normal. I do have a busy life, so maybe it is partly that (and you say you don't have to fit in around others) but also that most people like to know so its done and they can look forward to it. I've just finalised where to meet a friend on Friday but it was always going to be city centre at 9.30 (we rotate a few cafes there!

It's also getting close to Xmas now.

So you never have any other plans except seeing her meaning that if she asks on a Thursday you’d be free on Friday? I think that’s quite unusual and tend to plan things in advance so that i can guarantee I’ll be free and not arrange anything else.

I plan months in advance so this sounds laid back to me 😂probably because most of my family and friends live much further away, but I still confirm plans at least a week in advance with local friends. How else do you avoid double booking? We’ve got busy lives and I don’t have time for vague flakiness.

That's normal; - you're odd.

I think you’re overreacting tbh. It’s normal to carve out plans in advance. No one is doing a minute by minute itinerary…

leaving things the day before, especially a Friday before Christmas, is risky.

Well yes if you want to eat you need to make a reservation, are you going somewhere tickets are needed?

It is silly season but surely you make a plan?

You sound like you don’t like her. Calling her “needy”, being hypercritical. Maybe you don’t want to see her?

It’s perfectly normal. I like to make plans so I know what I’m doing. I always have a plan. I hate not knowing - drives me potty.
Your friend is probably moaning about you always being last minute.
Your brains just work differently and there’s nothing wrong with that. Horses for courses and all that.
Maybe just go along with her plan for a change as it’s a nice thing to do

Sounds normal. I always book a table so I know I'm going somewhere decent