Friend locking in plans a week in advance

[Poooooooooooof67]

My friend is constantly locking in plans a week in advance. We agreed to meet last Friday. A whole WEEK before that, she is tying to agree timings, place etc. Our eves are always a casual "let's do something on x day". Not a special event. Neither of us need to arrange sitters for DC or have DH or need to plan around any work timings.

I just find it so odd that for a casual night she needs to have such detailed plans, so far in advance. It feels like wants to lock me into defined plans. I'll think about Friday night, on Thursday night. Not a week beforehand.

AIBU ?

This is why weekly planners are a thing. It’s entirely normal to plan the week ahead. Enjoyable even!

I see nothing wrong with this, hate being hit with last minute plans

I'm with you @Poooooooooooof67 This would irritate me 😂 In my opinion, a night out is more fun when it's spur of the moment. You never know where the night will take you.

At first glance I honestly assumed this post was complaining that your friend wouldn't commit to locking in plans until a week before... that's last minute to me!!

Me and my husband saw a post for a local restaurant on Facebook and the new seasonal menu looks pretty good, this was the Sunday and we thought we could go the following Friday... nope, it's booked up for weeks!

Also, yes of course I'd want to know where we're eating as it would affect what other meals I cook that week. And need to figure out how long it takes to get there/if I'd need to leave work early or if I have time to go home and get ready. It would really annoy me not knowing any of this until the night before and potentially having to scrape clothes together in the dark to take to work with me to work the following day (my husband goes to bed early)

Perfectly normal. I hate the kind of plans that are wishy washy. I want to know time and date because there is nothing worse than just sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for your friend to summon you.

Yabu

Yup! Sorry but YABU. A week before is perfectly normal

Do you get irked in other areas of your life, if you are feeling pushed? If so look up 'pathological demand avoidance'.

I agree with you. There have been numerous posts on here about friends cancelling when the friend has been notified of the plan way in advance. Yes of course for big events but sometimes for casual things I prefer last minute “are you free tomorrow “. Some people love to organise everything in advance and whilst that might be normal for them it does not mean that the rest of us should be the same.

I think this is totally normal...?

I'm seeing a friend on Saturday afternoon coming, and we've had that scheduled for at least a fortnight.
Another friend I'm having a Christmas lunch out with on Sunday. That's been booked for probably a month.
A "see how I feel the night before" would drive me scatty.

I like to know in advance. When people just want to wing it that says to me they can turn up whenever they feel like it and my day/evening is spent waiting for them to decide the right time for them. It's wastes so much of MY time I could be doing something else. Set a time so EVERYONE can plan there day not just the person wanting to wing it.

That would stress me out. If I'm meeting someone I need to know when and where as soon as possible. It helps with working out travelling time cost of meal etc

This is me. I don’t know why but I hate the not knowing what I’m doing. I am a planner and organiser tho

YABU

This is completely normal for me /my friendship groups, I would assume you weren't interested in meeting up if you didn't want to agree a time until the day before.

Well, it is better than some of my family who wait for significant plans around Christmas, birthdays, holidays (etc) to be made by everyone weeks or months in advance, and then on the week before or day of the planned thing decide to just change it all, turn up really late, and moan about what has been arranged...

Perfectly normal and more to the point, very welcomed for both my Partner and I.

Im in your camp OP. I went out with work mates yesterday, planned about two weeks ago. I didn’t have a definite meet time until the same day and the meet up venue we sorted about half an hour before…. I just prefer to see closer to the time (and I’m not a flakey person who cancels either)

I’d want to know timings a week out, and location within reason so I could factor in travel and dress code. I like a plan.

I prefer your friend's style, because otherwise it's hanging in my mind as another thing to do ("finalise plans with x") prefer to agree and then forget about it until the day.

Nothing wrong with a short notice "are you free tomorrow" type of invite, but in my experience as a busy full time working adult, with 3 kids and a shift working husband I need to be able to plan WAY ahead.

I need the date so I can check if I'm free, I need the time to see if it works around DHs shifts or kids classes etc, I need to know if we're eating out or in because I need to consider the meal planning for the week.

I often have things planned several weeks in advance!!

YABU. I’d find it really annoying to have someone like you say ‘yeah maybe’ and then I don’t know if it’s happening or not. We have a monthly dinner date with another couple. At the end of the night, we get out our diaries and pick the date for the next one 🤷‍♀️

Your the strange one I think

She's just sorting plans so she knows what's what