Wondering what others would do in this situation

[farmergirl15]

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

Given B has a clear anti-A agenda... I'm doubting the veracity of As shouting.
Is it a competitive club where your and As child are against each other? 🤔

I'm off to bed as I've had a busy weekend and I'm exhausted! Looking forward to reading all the comments from people who only think of their own dc and don't consider the implications of the rest of the group. You know the ones who tell school that their child has a temp rather than d & v because they can't possibly look after their own child for a full 48 hours and they would much rather risk making a whole class poorly.
If person a had been honest then this could have all been avoided. I don't give a shit what she does in her own time, and I've got enough on with my own kids than to worry over how people parent their children, but having said this we have to do safeguarding etc and we have to pay attention to communication from parents, and to listen to the children themselves, and REPORT to the appropriate person , which was done.
As I've mentioned before I would do exactly the same again, except I'd ask all parents to report to the group leader that's in charge of the event instead.

No not at all, my child doesn't attend this club anymore

Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A.

What do you mean you "said as much to person A"? Said what? How did it come up?

Are you saying that you crossed them off from the trip and then informed person A they were no longer invited because you assumed they were ill.. in which case her shouting isn't acceptable but I'd be annoyed if you made assumptions and decisions about my child's attendance without even bothering to ask me.

I think the TLDR is that you crossed her child off the list based on an assumption, and she was so mad about it she rang you up to shout and then rang the leader up to shout?

And that was the problem because it’s all was hearsay. Don’t make assumptions on behalf of other people. Maybe child just had a bit of cold and mum deliberately left them at home to recover for the trip. Maybe child had periods and 2 first days are tricky to manage but the 3d one is ok. Maybe child had anxiety attack or toothache.
If you were unsure about the trip attendance you should have asked parents in your official capacity: Hi Helen, im checking last things for the trip on Saturday and heard that little Louisa was out of school today and yesterday. Can you confirm if she’s still going onto the trip?
I think mum was wrong to shout but maybe something going on and she was stressed and your interference didn’t help at all. Yes you have policy about illnesses but I bet you have policy about exclusion child from an activity on the base of someone’s assumptions ax well.

Disclaimer: my child doesn't go to school and activities if unwell. The rule is that if she is not in school today - no other activities as well (e.g club or cinema) However it doesn’t mean no activities this week/months. It’s possible to be out of school on Friday but in a drama club on Saturday.

But you didn't even know what the child was poorly with. It might not have been something contagious. You just flexed your bit of power and got the child banned from the trip and potentially from the club now.

You're the problem OP. It's unfortunate you can't see it. And if you have said you would do the same again, what was the point in starting a thread asking what others would do? As it is obvious you thought you were right and you still think you're right, so it's a pointless thread

Urgh. Person B is a nosey parker and possibly power tripping on this.

Not your child, not your decision to make.

You do you, you leave everyone else to make their own decisions on their own children.

That still doesnt give anyone the right to yell at someone else.

Eh?

person B comes across as very interfering, they shouldn’t have nebbed in. Person A shouldn’t have shouted though. But none of this would have happened if person B hadn’t have taken it upon themselves to make decisions for everyone.

You keep saying you couldn't take the risk to other children but you don't even know there was a risk, because you didn't bother to ask the mum!

Instead you ran off tattle taling and causing a load of unnecessary drama.

Why on earth didn't you just ask the mum what the DC was sick with??? It would be perfectly reasonable for you to ask this in the capacity of assessing the risk to others.

But you cannot do that risk assessment WITHOUT ALL OF THE INFORMATION!

To make it worse, you're sloping your shoulders with "but I didn't make the final decision"...... clearly this was the outcome you wanted though otherwise you wouldn't have went running to the other organiser.

As for the mum shouting at you..... not sure I fully believe that given you are so obviously prone to dramatics, but actually, if you unnecessarily prevented her child from going on a trip they were looking forward to and left her to deal with their disappointment then I think she was slightly justified in making her feelings known.

If person a had been honest then this could have all been avoided. I don't give a shit what she does in her own time

But you so do.

So person B (you) decided to assume the child had an illness that was contagious at the weekend, when you had absolutely no details about what was actually wrong with the child the day they were ill.

They could have had an asthma attack. Or anxiety. Or a headache...or a number of things that would have not affected them or the other kids or the volunteers at the weekend away.

You overstepped . But you are not going to admit that so not sure why you have bothered with the thread

Person B sounds like a bit of a busy-body & made assumptions about Person A.

Person A has behaved badly, but if I were Person A, I would be quite irritated that Person B had assumed to reorganise my child. That should have been between Person A and the organiser (Person C?)

How was this situation Safeguarding ??? If you think it was, you don’t understand what the word “safeguarding” means

What an interfering busy body you are

Or not even been ill at all, either way, nothing to do with the OP/person B.

OP your best bet would have been to ask A whether child was ill or off because of emergency before wading in.

As it is, you just come across as a complete busybody.

Person B (or OP) had zero reason to stick their oar in.

The parents are the ones responsible for their child, and for cancelling any activities.

Of course, the parent shouldn't have shouted, and I would say as much in an email (which included an apology for miscommunication)

examples on this thread prove, this is why we needed lockdowns during covid because of how others aright jack and forget everyone else so to speak

Parent A thinks fine to phone volunteers to yell at them, doesn't pay on time (so frustrating & time consuming to chase late payments if youre a volunteer), and is a PITA.

They could have phoned and said "I understand youre worried, but DC been off school thurs/Fri due to asthma/family drama/not contagious thing / and is absolutely fine now, so will be fine for the trip away on Saturday" Rather than effing a d reffing and kicking off generally.

You made a judgement without facts or an attempt to get facts. You have no idea whether the child was even ill on the day never mind contagious. All you had to do was ask if it bothered you. Really you should accept the parents judgement as to whether they should send their child. Not all contagious diseases are symptomatic.

It should not be up to you to decide whether to throw the child out. You are hopelessly conflicted.

Just admit you made a mistake. Learn from it.

Person B should get a life.

People can pass on a contagious illness while completely symptom free, so you have been unreasonable about all of this. In a group of 40 people, at least a few will be percolating a virus at any given time, yet adults work in open offices and children sit in classrooms every day. We have immune systems for precisely this reason.

It wasn't on you to decide if the child was going or not. You didn't even know what was wrong with them to know them going actually pissed any risk. What you did was seriously and weirdly controlling