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Original poster

DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

659 replies

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:03

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2024 03:53

If he will agree to come off the tenancy agreement with the carrot that you work on the relationship with him living elsewhere, just dating as things went too fast, I would be tempted to play along. Then ‘change your mind’ as soon as he’s gone. He played you to get on the tenancy agreement and he may need to be played to get him to leave. Idk. Just a thought.

ByBusyTiger · 13/12/2024 04:14

Wait til he has left and get the locks changed. If he isn’t on the tenancy there’s nothing he can do. Drop his stuff at his parents or arrange collection with someone with you

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 13/12/2024 07:17

ByBusyTiger · 13/12/2024 04:14

Wait til he has left and get the locks changed. If he isn’t on the tenancy there’s nothing he can do. Drop his stuff at his parents or arrange collection with someone with you

He is on the tenancy though

LookItsMeAgain · 14/12/2024 10:29

How are you doing @Rosettespur ?

Have you managed to get hold of the landlord yet or are they unavailable until next Thursday?

Skyrainlight · 14/12/2024 10:53

I really hope OP isn't going to decide this cocklodger can stay.

Starling7 · 14/12/2024 18:29

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

Hardly

Lotsofsnacks · 14/12/2024 21:16

Course he’s begging you to ‘make it work’! He’s realised this cushy number is coming to an abrupt end, and is panicking he has to go back to live with family

CrowleyKitten · 14/12/2024 21:22

Livingtothefull · 08/12/2024 17:59

You have lumbered yourself with a cocklodger and by extension have lumbered your daughter. He is throwing his weight around just to mark out his territory as the 'man of the house', insecure because you (as he probably sees it) have the upper hand as it is your home.

I fail to see what is funny about this. Bringing a man into a teenage girl's home is almost always a terrible idea. You haven't prioritised your DD at all have you? I feel desperately sorry for her that you have chosen for this man to be inflicted on her in her own home and safe space.

I'm always amazed by my stepdad
He's only 12 years older than me, and took on 14 year old me in his 20s. I can't imagine doing that in my 20s. He was always brilliant with me, helped me when my school did a rubbish job of teaching me algebra and I just couldn't get my head around it. I love him so much. That's a real man. I know he'll be there for me no matter what.

Runnerof1 · 14/12/2024 23:30

Can someone please explain the abbreviations here? Sorry I’m new…

Bowies · 15/12/2024 07:06

I hope he has gone OP. Showing he never contributed financially to the property could be helpful. He’s outstayed his welcome, 18 months too long.

AndreaB220 · 15/12/2024 08:07

Explain the basic outline of why and ask your landlord to renew the tenancy in your name only

AndreaB220 · 15/12/2024 08:19

DinosaurMunch · 08/12/2024 21:07

You can't just remove someone from a tenancy! The landlord would need to give them both notice, then potentially relet to the OP alone but if the partner refuses to leave it would have to go to court etc.

Show quote history

The landlord can remove someone from a rolling tenancy, my daughters landlord did just this when the found out about the situation in the house

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/12/2024 08:48

AndreaB220 · 15/12/2024 08:19

The landlord can remove someone from a rolling tenancy, my daughters landlord did just this when the found out about the situation in the house

Show quote history

No. They can't. Your daughters landlord has acted illegally.

MyPithyPoster · 15/12/2024 09:19

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/12/2024 08:48

No. They can't. Your daughters landlord has acted illegally.

Show quote history

So what so bloody what?
Everybody seems so concerned with upholding the letter of the law. But the law doesn’t always even hold itself.
Sometimes situations require a little bit of leeway judges acknowledge that when they are handing out sentences
So can we just get on board with protecting women from danger situations?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/12/2024 09:24

MyPithyPoster · 15/12/2024 09:19

So what so bloody what?
Everybody seems so concerned with upholding the letter of the law. But the law doesn’t always even hold itself.
Sometimes situations require a little bit of leeway judges acknowledge that when they are handing out sentences
So can we just get on board with protecting women from danger situations?

Show quote history

Exactly - it's the housing equivalent of "gross misconduct". Certain behaviour is just intolerable and as you say the safeguarding of anyone potentially vulnerable (such as a FOURTEEN year old girl as per op) takes precedence over the rental contract.

DowntonFlabbie · 15/12/2024 09:34

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/12/2024 08:48

No. They can't. Your daughters landlord has acted illegally.

Show quote history

But they can do it, because he did. You can do loads of things that are technically illegal. What's he gonna do about it?

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/12/2024 10:09

MyPithyPoster · 15/12/2024 09:19

So what so bloody what?
Everybody seems so concerned with upholding the letter of the law. But the law doesn’t always even hold itself.
Sometimes situations require a little bit of leeway judges acknowledge that when they are handing out sentences
So can we just get on board with protecting women from danger situations?

Show quote history

As the victim of an abuser who was illegally evicted by a protective landlord, who fought that and was allowed to re-enter, then cancelled the entire tenancy from under my feet leaving me homeless and in debt I'm 100% all for protecting women in dangerous situations but I can assure you that illegal evictions does not equal the automatic protection of women in domestic abuse situations.

But so what, so bloody what eh?

MyPithyPoster · 15/12/2024 10:41

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 15/12/2024 10:09

As the victim of an abuser who was illegally evicted by a protective landlord, who fought that and was allowed to re-enter, then cancelled the entire tenancy from under my feet leaving me homeless and in debt I'm 100% all for protecting women in dangerous situations but I can assure you that illegal evictions does not equal the automatic protection of women in domestic abuse situations.

But so what, so bloody what eh?

Show quote history

In this situation, it protects the daughter and that’s all I’m interested in. The two dick head adults can sort themselves out.

NPET · 15/12/2024 17:50

Some men just think they can make horrible comments to each and every woman of any age.

Purpleispretty · 15/12/2024 20:21

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

How on earth is that worse. Would be a blessing in my house!!

NewBootsWeather · 15/12/2024 21:58

Purpleispretty · 15/12/2024 20:21

How on earth is that worse. Would be a blessing in my house!!

Show quote history

It wasnt me who wrote it but I am sure the poster was being sarcastic.

Moonlicker · 16/12/2024 01:29

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:26

Fuck knows, but it’s put my back up and his further responses have really given me the ick

Show quote history

Those responses you mentioned are awful. Contemptuous, disrespectful & a bad sign. For me, it would be a deal breaker at this stage.

AnnieCookWriter · 16/12/2024 10:25

Is there something else going on that he isn't talking about? Maybe there needs to be an honest conversation about how he is really feeling about living with you and your family. It's appropriate to tell him that if he does want to be there, his attitude needs to be more respectful, because living with people - whoever they are - means having some consideration for the impact your words have on them. It's your daughter, so of course you are concerned at what he says to her, and what the impact of that is! There are a lot of contributing dynamics in blended families that constantly need to be talked about, reappriased, and appreciated. Maybe he IS feeling overwhelmed by feminine hormones and is handling it badly. He is definitely handling SOMETHING badly, in this mix, but the key here is understanding WHY he is being the way he is. Getting things on an even keel means talking about the issues, identify what is really going on in everyone's mind, so that everyone knows how the others feel, and you can hopefully agree on a way forward that works for all concerned. Harmony is never easy to achieve for very long. Once resentment starts to build, it can take a lot to get rid of it. Talking and being honest are the only way you will get anything to work well in any family, especially when adolescents and/or peri/menopausal women are in the mix. Not to assume anything - just my perspective as a family psychologist. 💛💛💛

TrainedByKittens · 16/12/2024 13:47

AnnieCookWriter · 16/12/2024 10:25

Is there something else going on that he isn't talking about? Maybe there needs to be an honest conversation about how he is really feeling about living with you and your family. It's appropriate to tell him that if he does want to be there, his attitude needs to be more respectful, because living with people - whoever they are - means having some consideration for the impact your words have on them. It's your daughter, so of course you are concerned at what he says to her, and what the impact of that is! There are a lot of contributing dynamics in blended families that constantly need to be talked about, reappriased, and appreciated. Maybe he IS feeling overwhelmed by feminine hormones and is handling it badly. He is definitely handling SOMETHING badly, in this mix, but the key here is understanding WHY he is being the way he is. Getting things on an even keel means talking about the issues, identify what is really going on in everyone's mind, so that everyone knows how the others feel, and you can hopefully agree on a way forward that works for all concerned. Harmony is never easy to achieve for very long. Once resentment starts to build, it can take a lot to get rid of it. Talking and being honest are the only way you will get anything to work well in any family, especially when adolescents and/or peri/menopausal women are in the mix. Not to assume anything - just my perspective as a family psychologist. 💛💛💛

Read the fucking room

He is (hopefully now was) a misogynistic boyfriend who appears to contribute very little in terms of financial, practical or emotional support. They’ve no joint children, and he’s unpleasant to and about the OPs daughter. There is no ‘family’ here just a cocklodger.

The OP doesn’t have to justify telling him to leave she just has to sort the legalities of the tenancy.

I’m struggling to believe an actual family psychologist would write
’Maybe he IS feeling overwhelmed by feminine hormones’ And think the OP should spend effort understanding why he’s a misogynistic cocklodger.