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Original poster

DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

659 replies

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:03

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

OP posts:
PixieLaLar · 11/12/2024 15:02

Mookie81 · 09/12/2024 22:21

Don't know why you're laughing (🤣).
He pays nothing, your daughter doesn't like him and 'rubs along' and is forced to live with a prick who slags her off.
What the fuck is wrong with women like you? Why are they so desperate for a man they'll force their kids to put up with this crap?

Show quote history

Bit harsh!

OP said this is the first time he has said a comment like that to DD and she’s questioned him straight away.

Yes she’s been a bit foolish putting him on the tenancy but there’s no need to be so unpleasant.

Justus6 · 11/12/2024 15:43

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

How could that be worse than someone being an outright dick! 100% rather be on my own than with someone that makes my child uncomfortable for sharing observations/opinions

tuvamoodyson · 11/12/2024 17:23

Snakebite61 · 10/12/2024 11:09

Really?

Show quote history

It’s a joke.

GhostHunterPlay · 11/12/2024 19:56

If anyone needs to apologise, it's your DP. He shouldn't have made that comment about your DD. She was only making an observation.
Your DP sounds very immature.
You need to re - evaluate your relationship with him. He is not your DD's father, so shouldn't be treating her in that manner.
The fact that he told you he'd laugh if you tried to make him apologise speaks volumes to his immaturity.

SalsaLights · 11/12/2024 20:00

GhostHunterPlay · 11/12/2024 19:56

If anyone needs to apologise, it's your DP. He shouldn't have made that comment about your DD. She was only making an observation.
Your DP sounds very immature.
You need to re - evaluate your relationship with him. He is not your DD's father, so shouldn't be treating her in that manner.
The fact that he told you he'd laugh if you tried to make him apologise speaks volumes to his immaturity.

OP's split up with him and is now trying to get him to remove himself from the house.

GhostHunterPlay · 11/12/2024 20:21

Thank you for clearing that up for me.
If Op is having trouble making her ex leave the house, she may have to call the police to help her.

SalsaLights · 11/12/2024 20:37

GhostHunterPlay · 11/12/2024 20:21

Thank you for clearing that up for me.
If Op is having trouble making her ex leave the house, she may have to call the police to help her.

He's a joint tenant on the agreement with her, so it's not as simple as that unfortunately.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 11/12/2024 23:12

I believe the Op @Rosettespur is hoping to speak to the Landlord tomorrow ( Thursday ) as he was unavailable / away ? until then.

Hopefully she will be able to work something out with him.

Original poster
Rosettespur · 12/12/2024 08:41

Hi all,

Didn't mean to disappear. It’s been shit here! ‘D’P has been driving me insane with his wanting to stay and work on this. I’m adamant that isn’t happening! Sounds awful but the begging has given me further ick.

I have also told him about other times he has made me feel shitty and he continues to not really accept this and thinks we should just put everything in the past and move forward.

In amongst it all he went to see his parents and was gone a few hours so hopefully he has told them it’s not working here and he needs somewhere to stay.

He is dismissing the fact that I have requested my own tenancy agreement and still seems to think that even if ‘that would make me feel better’ he would still like the relationship to work.

We were due to go to a Christmas thing together today. I’m not going and have started a piece of work for work instead so hopefully this will help him get the hint further.

OP posts:
loveawineloveacrisp · 12/12/2024 08:42

God, he really doesn't get it does he. Stay firm.

missod · 12/12/2024 08:57

Oh he really does get it. It's just not what he wants.

Apolloneuro · 12/12/2024 09:18

Time to give him notice that his bags will be packed and on the doorstep, I think.

Apolloneuro · 12/12/2024 09:19

Good for you for putting your daughter first x

Oodydoody · 12/12/2024 09:25

You are housing to him thats all.
He gets it.
He just doesn't want to lose free housing.
He couldn't care less about you or your daughter.
He has been living off you and he wants that to continue.
I feel so sorry for your daughter that access to her home was given to a man who doesn't contribute to it and is so unpleasant towards her.

Stop listening to him and do right by that daughter by getting him out of your childs home.
His sole concern is his free home.
Of course he wants to now work on the relationship.🙄

You desperately need to do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

It is so basic not to put men on the tenancy of your home just because they want it.

In what universe would any woman think this is in their childs interest to put the home at such risk for a free loading grifter.

You both deserve better than this.

glowinggg · 12/12/2024 09:39

He's probably trying to stall for time to find another roof, and once he has that he'll stop begging and start being vile again.

Are you going to pack his bags and tell him to leave? I think you should. Ignoring him is too passive and makes him think his delay tactics are working - which they are. He's still using you for his own advantage.

toucheee · 12/12/2024 09:42

Rosettespur · 12/12/2024 08:41

Hi all,

Didn't mean to disappear. It’s been shit here! ‘D’P has been driving me insane with his wanting to stay and work on this. I’m adamant that isn’t happening! Sounds awful but the begging has given me further ick.

I have also told him about other times he has made me feel shitty and he continues to not really accept this and thinks we should just put everything in the past and move forward.

In amongst it all he went to see his parents and was gone a few hours so hopefully he has told them it’s not working here and he needs somewhere to stay.

He is dismissing the fact that I have requested my own tenancy agreement and still seems to think that even if ‘that would make me feel better’ he would still like the relationship to work.

We were due to go to a Christmas thing together today. I’m not going and have started a piece of work for work instead so hopefully this will help him get the hint further.

Please don't get sucked in to his promises. Nothing will change.

Are you hopeful about the tenancy agreement, was the LL/agency helpful?

ACatNamedRobin · 12/12/2024 09:44

In the (hopefully very) short term stop doing anything for him, cooking, laundry etc. This includes for his kid as 100% he'll use that to emotionally blackmail you.
If you bought anything for Christmas please return it, or give it to someone else, or even to charity.

He's a complete user and he's been taking advantage of you.

Skyrainlight · 12/12/2024 10:21

Rosettespur · 12/12/2024 08:41

Hi all,

Didn't mean to disappear. It’s been shit here! ‘D’P has been driving me insane with his wanting to stay and work on this. I’m adamant that isn’t happening! Sounds awful but the begging has given me further ick.

I have also told him about other times he has made me feel shitty and he continues to not really accept this and thinks we should just put everything in the past and move forward.

In amongst it all he went to see his parents and was gone a few hours so hopefully he has told them it’s not working here and he needs somewhere to stay.

He is dismissing the fact that I have requested my own tenancy agreement and still seems to think that even if ‘that would make me feel better’ he would still like the relationship to work.

We were due to go to a Christmas thing together today. I’m not going and have started a piece of work for work instead so hopefully this will help him get the hint further.

"hopefully this will help him get the hint further."

It's not a hint, one person wants a relationship to end, it ends. Manipulative cocklodger needs to leave. What did your landlord say? Of course he wants the free accommodation and lifestyle subsidies relationship to continue. He sounds vile, begging to live in your home for free instead of having a tiny bit of self respect and moving out. I'm not surprised the ick has increased. I'm sorry he's making it hard OP, but it shows you who he is.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 12/12/2024 15:48

Honestly you need to stop hinting and discussing and explaining. Just state i need you out by x date and if you are not gone by that date and give me aggro then I will call the police. You can call the police on someone who you have a tenancy with if he refuses to leave. You explain the relationship has broken down and he is affecting yourself and your daughter. Your in the process of changing it over to a single tenancy.
Or alternatively just pack his stuff in bin bags when he's out then hand them to him at the door.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 12/12/2024 16:43

Give him formal written notice to leave.

fullmoonstars · 12/12/2024 16:54

You're not "hinting" OP you've actually told him to move out. He has been testing your boundaries to see how far he could belittle and control you and he's only sorry now you've actually told him to go. Had you not put in a boundary God only knows what would have been next with him!

Please get this low life cocklodger out of your home, if not for yourself please do it for your daughter.

DaftyLass · 12/12/2024 17:35

Stay strong, you got this!
He will eventually see you won't waiver, and will have to face it's over.
I hope thing go smoothly with the land Lord
.
Any chance you can ask his parents to take him back? It shouldn't be your job but he may not be telling them he has to leave

smellydog1 · 12/12/2024 19:42

Well done for being strong. Its hard but you will do it...... especially for your daughter

SpryCat · 13/12/2024 00:40

instead of explaining time and time again I would just say “It’s over” like a broken record. He is trying to wear you down because he wants free accommodation. Could your landlord come over and tell him as he doesn’t pay rent he has to go? I would also ring his parents and explain you are no longer a couple, he doesn’t pay for anything and wont leave. I would probably tell them you will have to involve police soon (that will get them to have him back) he will leave then as I doubt they would make him pay rent. Then get new contract from landlord.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 13/12/2024 01:38

SpryCat · 13/12/2024 00:40

instead of explaining time and time again I would just say “It’s over” like a broken record. He is trying to wear you down because he wants free accommodation. Could your landlord come over and tell him as he doesn’t pay rent he has to go? I would also ring his parents and explain you are no longer a couple, he doesn’t pay for anything and wont leave. I would probably tell them you will have to involve police soon (that will get them to have him back) he will leave then as I doubt they would make him pay rent. Then get new contract from landlord.

Legally, the LL cannot go over and tell him that unfortunately. A LL can only get him out via the courts, (if they don't go willingly), but this would end the tenancy for both. The best way for OP is to get the police to kick him out. Then she can sort the new TA with the LL.