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Original poster

I know his secret but how do I play this?

1000 replies

Waffletots · 08/12/2024 14:53

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 08/12/2024 17:22

Waffletots · 08/12/2024 17:17

Thanks everyone for all of your input, a few minutes after she sent the last message she did indeed send (a lot) of screenshots including messages from an app I don’t recognise, emails, many selfies of them in various places and a few of them they look like they’re lying down in bed looking very pleased with themselves.
I’m heartbroken, I don’t know how he could do this to our family. I’ve been such a fool for toddling along like life was perfect when all this time he’s been sticking his penis is another woman and not thinking about us! I hate him for this, truly. I’ve called my brother and sister in law to stay with me tonight, they will be here before he arrives home, I didn’t tell them much but it was clear I was upset.
I plan to have a bag packed for him and forward him all the messages when I hear him pull up outside. For me, the trust is gone and it’s over for good, I could never go back now after such a betrayal.

Just ask your brother to take his bag out to him and stop him coming in, just in case he doesn't see your message when he pulls up.

So sorry OP.

oakleaffy · 08/12/2024 17:22

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August2024 · 08/12/2024 17:22

Organise the financial settlement as early as possible, between yourselves. Look at advice now website. While he still feels guilty before he has someone else in his ear

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 08/12/2024 17:22

Ach OP I’m so so sorry this is happening. You were so courageous to ask her for evidence, and now that you’ve got it you’re doing exactly the right thing. Surround yourself with people who will unquestionably have your back and don’t let that selfish cheating prick set foot inside the house until you are ready. He can sleep in his car tonight if he has to ❤️

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/12/2024 17:22

Oh god. I'm so sorry @Waffletots

What an absolute bastard. You sound like you've got a good support network with your family so make sure you use them.

Gloriia · 08/12/2024 17:23

What a stupid man. So sorry op, glad that you'll have some support tonight.

Thehop · 08/12/2024 17:23

You're being amazingly strong, OP. Good luck x

DowntonNabby · 08/12/2024 17:24

God, this is so horrendous to read, OP. I can't imagine how devastated you must be. I'm so sorry he's done this to you. It's good that you have conclusive proof and that you have a brilliant family to rally round you and your DC. I hope he has a miserable life without you all, it's what he deserves.

Onceachunkymonkey · 08/12/2024 17:24

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This just reads like you didn’t bother even reading the thread and stuck the boot in. There is no reason this should affect her children negatively , especially the 3 year old. And she told because she found out the op was pregnant.

NoEscapingMe · 08/12/2024 17:24

Waffletots · 08/12/2024 17:17

Thanks everyone for all of your input, a few minutes after she sent the last message she did indeed send (a lot) of screenshots including messages from an app I don’t recognise, emails, many selfies of them in various places and a few of them they look like they’re lying down in bed looking very pleased with themselves.
I’m heartbroken, I don’t know how he could do this to our family. I’ve been such a fool for toddling along like life was perfect when all this time he’s been sticking his penis is another woman and not thinking about us! I hate him for this, truly. I’ve called my brother and sister in law to stay with me tonight, they will be here before he arrives home, I didn’t tell them much but it was clear I was upset.
I plan to have a bag packed for him and forward him all the messages when I hear him pull up outside. For me, the trust is gone and it’s over for good, I could never go back now after such a betrayal.

I was hoping she was just pissed and being a bitch. I'm so sorry OP. He's a selfish bastard

DaringLion · 08/12/2024 17:24

You got this xxx you got good family support and I wish you all the luck in the world

Middlemarch123 · 08/12/2024 17:24

Lean on your family, you’ve done nothing wrong. Glad you won’t be on your own. You’re running on adrenaline right now, so glad people are staying with you overnight. Let DB tell your parents, and perhaps stay with them from tomorrow, you’ll need your family, and they will want to rally round, so let them. X

Gotabadfeelingaboutthis · 08/12/2024 17:25

I'm so very sorry @Waffletots
You have nothing whatsoever to be ashamed of, the shame is all his.
You have been unbelievably brave this afternoon, I'm so glad you have family coming to support you.
The coming days/weeks will be tough, just try to focus on yourself and your little ones and take it an hour at a time.
I can't believe what an absolutely awful person he has been.

jeaux90 · 08/12/2024 17:25

You are doing amazing OP and I'm so glad you told family and have support.

Quietlywatching · 08/12/2024 17:25

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this pain, especially when you are so heavily pregnant. I'm glad your family are able to support you. Keep going as you are, it's amazing and ask for any help you need.

rainbowlou · 08/12/2024 17:25

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this, sadly I and many others on here, know exactly how you’re feeling right now and you have not been a fool at all.
You sound so strong but I’m glad you won’t be alone tonight.

I hope he grows old very alone and full of regret at what he done and what he has lost.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/12/2024 17:26

I would telephone her and get as much detail as possible.

I would then confront him once child is in bed ... if he denies it ... ask him for his phone and ring her from his phone ... he will have her listed as a male name.

Can you get his phone re words on-line also, or ask him to get them for you.

You need an idea of what you want to achieve as your end game.

SmileEachDay · 08/12/2024 17:26

Divorce really impacts children, especially so young like your three year old

It doesn’t have to. The OP is clearly a brilliant, strong parent - that’s more important than a marriage. Kids will be absolutely fine.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/12/2024 17:26

Oh love I'm so sorry. I feel every bit of pain in your post. While you have some very tough times ahead, I promise you that one day you will look back in this as a blessing in disguise. Having been through it, you realise that these men don't change and if it hadn't been her it would have been somebody else. Indeed my ex had two on the go so he could hedge his bets with which one would let him move in. They are utter cunts.

So glad you've got people with you and I hope he's on his way home knowing that his life is about to implode in ways he never thought possible. Keep your head together as best you can and legal advice asap. Flowers

Harshreality · 08/12/2024 17:26

Have you got a midwife or the labour ward number on speed dial in case this triggers you off?

WinterColdBrrrr · 08/12/2024 17:26

She sounds like a woman scorned. He obviously has had this affair.
However be wary of her intentions. She is quite happy to destroy a pregnant womans life just before Christmas.
She is not telling you because she cares it is because she is angry at him.

Threetrees745 · 08/12/2024 17:26

LeBonBon · 08/12/2024 17:16

But did you then message to tell the poor woman, causing untold stress and heartache at the worst possible time?

I can't understand everyone - he is of course an utter scumbag who has done this, and lied to the OW etc.

But she's also equally terrible - why would she do this now? Why not wait? Or just dump him and forget about it all. She wanted to hurt @Waffletots too and that is unforgivable.

Also sorry, but the number of women falling for the "separated" married men out there need to get a fucking grip - if you willingly get entangled with someone who still lives with his "ex" for the children's sake, and/or are "not having sex"/are unhappy, you are a mug. They are still married, they are a liar and a scumbag, and you are not special.

Show quote history

No, of course I didn't. I never told her. I'm not sure if he did or anyone else did as they are still married a few years on as far as I'm aware.

Yes I was incredibly stupid to fall for it. I was young and didn't have a lot of life experience. I'm married now and laugh at how ridiculously clueless and gullible I was at the time.

LumpyandBumps · 08/12/2024 17:26

August2024 · 08/12/2024 17:22

Organise the financial settlement as early as possible, between yourselves. Look at advice now website. While he still feels guilty before he has someone else in his ear

I second this advice. It won’t be that long before before he starts to ‘re write’ history.

I agree also with the poster who said to spit on his clothes when packing, although what I would like to suggest is almost an anagram of spit.

Stay strong and make use of your current upper hand.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/12/2024 17:27

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 08/12/2024 17:26

I would telephone her and get as much detail as possible.

I would then confront him once child is in bed ... if he denies it ... ask him for his phone and ring her from his phone ... he will have her listed as a male name.

Can you get his phone re words on-line also, or ask him to get them for you.

You need an idea of what you want to achieve as your end game.

Read the update.

DonnaDonna0 · 08/12/2024 17:27

He most definitely is a total arsehole and deserves all the blame but the other women is no hero in this, she may have let OP know but she’s been with a married man with a child for sometime doing all this behind another women’s back. - she’s a catch.

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