I know his secret but how do I play this?

[Waffletots]

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

What a horrid thing to happen to you.

Nothing will make this better, but be assured there are many of us who can empathise with where you are right now.

Big breaths. Get through the next hour. Read the messages. Arm yourself for what is to come.

And please keep posting on here. You need an outlet for all of this emotion.

I'd pack a bag for him whilst you waiting for the screenshots, don't you dare leave the house tonight. Can you call on a good friend to come over and sit with you this evening?

Just sending you some good thoughts OP. You sound very strong

@Waffletots, you are reeling of course, but you need to operate from a position of strength and that means gathering information. I wouldn’t hesitate to ask OW for proof in black & white. If your H knows that she has spilled, he has already sanitized his devices and will have an agenda to spin the narrative.

Ask for evidence, @Waffletots. You need to know if this man is a faithless pretender who has duped you, stolen your consent, and risked your and your unborn child’s health.

Sending you strength.

I am so sorry you are going through this, it's dreadful and even more so as you are about to have a baby any minute.

Oh what a tangled web.

You've done everything right so far.

You will be brave and confront him this evening, I can tell you are a strong woman.

Wishing you everything I would wish for myself were I in the same circumstances.

If she does screenshot some evidence, then when your DH comes home, just forward the screenshot to him, and have his bag already packed. Hand him the bag and tell him to leave.

You might want to try reading all of the thread. She's asked the OW for proof.

So sorry this is happening to you. Definitely gather all the evidence you can from the ow before you confront him tonight. Even if he does then get the heads up that you know,
it'll be harder for him to deny it. As someone who has been in the situation before you will be able to tell from his reaction as soon as you confront him whether it's true or not. Stay strong.

I don't think one would be harmful so long as you just stuck to that x

This. It's the best way to take back power. No discussion, just out.

If she gets the screenshots his reaction is irrelevant.

Ask her for a hotel they’ve stayed at, or a restaurant/club / pub they go to. With a name or two you’ll know by your husband’s face when you throw the names at him .
I’m so sorry.

Well atleast you will be armed when he starts denying everything. It must feel as your whole world has broken down but please remember; IT WILL GET BETTER. One day it won't hurt so much if at all. So you just got to ride this out believing there is light in the end of the tunnel. I feel so sorry for you, especially since you have children and one to come. I would like to punch him in the face tbh. What a shitty excuse of a man.💐

I’d usually never advocate drinking during pregnancy, but one glass of wine at 38 weeks wont do any harm… sounds like she is telling the truth though based on your updates. Can you go to your parents with your child?

@Waffletots, I had not seen your update before I posted. You made the right decision to request evidence.

Oh god OP, how absolutely devastating for you at 38 weeks. Glad to hear you have parents nearby who sound like a good support to you x

OP I'm so so sorry.

I'd ask to see his phone but I'd guess he might know that the OW has contacted you and is busy deleting all the messages.

Sorry @OP for my terse response but I am glad that you are seeking evidence now.

She has some strange morals. So it’s ok to not say anything but know someone is married and has one child but the tipping point to come clean was when she knew about the pregnancy as well??!

If you find out it’s true, I would take the upper hand.

”can we sit down husband? I’m sorry but I’ve fallen out of love with you. The longer we stay together and having seen you as a husband and father now, I just feel a bit ick about you. We have kids so I want to stay civil for their sake, and will support you to have a good relationship with them, but I can’t stay in a loveless marriage, I need more”.

don’t acknowledge or bring up the affair. Stand your ground and don’t look desperate. You can do so much better than that horny piece of crappy man child.

If that's the case, at least you know he's not with her right now, so is really at work.

When you confront him, be prepared for him to say that you can work it out. You'll need him to be there for the birth/Christmas or he doesn't want to miss the birth/Christmas.

Your response: "You should have thought about that before you had sex with OW".

He needs to learn about consequences.

If you let him stay he will do this again.

ugh, what a horrible horrible situation. It would be wretched at any time, but in late pregnancy even more so. Sending you love and strength, OP.

Oh I'm so sorry op.

I still haven't got the full truth 11 years later. Wasn't an affair but a string of encounters from a hook up site.

Stay strong op, sending you love.

OP I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Maybe other people have suggested this, I've read all of your posts but not the full thread. Assuming your parents are supportive which it sounds like they are, could you not confide in them for some in-person support? Or a close friend? I'm sure you could do with a hug right now.

This is in no way your fault. You have not been stupid AT ALL. Of course you have trusted your husband. Relationships are much harder when you're unable to trust. I don't pay attention to what my partner does with his phone and I believe him when he tells me he's going to meet friends etc, because I trust him. If he exploits that trust to betray me, that's on him.

If this happened to one of your friends, would you think they had been stupid? I'm sure you wouldn't.

This is all his fault, entirely his fault, and you deserve all the love and support you can get.