I know his secret but how do I play this?

[Waffletots]

I have been married for five years to who I thought was a wonderful man, we have a child and one on the way.
Last night I received a text from his female coworker telling me that “she’s sorry to be that person…. But has been sleeping with me for nearly a year, he told me he would leave you” apparently she feels bad because another coworker “let slip” that my husband and I are expecting again in a few weeks time.
Now I haven’t even confronted my husband about this, it’s been easy as he left for work early this morning and will arrive home around 6pm. I feel sick at the thought of seeing him, could she be lying? I honestly haven’t seen any signs, he’s mentioned this woman a few times and mentioned she’s the office flirt but I didn’t think anything of it.
What should I do?! I’m scared to speak to my friends and family about this, what if she’s lying?!

If you don't want to confront him you don't have to. Tell him not to come back and you don't want to see him. You don't need to put yourself through talking it over with him.

I'm torn between the suggestion to text her and ask for messages etc. and the option to say absolutely nothing and behave as if you haven't received this information. And then think about what to do (don't wait till after Christmas though!!) and do it at a time of your choosing, not someone else's.

Your husband and her are really horrible people. Why does sleep with a married man and give you these news when you are heavily pregnant. She is definitely not sorry to be that person. I am not justifying your husband but she us not any good either.

If man does that to a woman what doesn’t guarantee she will be the one in your position in a few years time.

Erm, you were the one who referred to your parents' marriage?

Your response is pretty snippy and uncalled for!

Maybe some lessons in manners wouldn't go amiss.

You may be right. I feel like I should confront him and then if he denies which I think he probably will, I could ask her for evidence? What does everyone think? My mind is frazzled! My little one has left now happy as anything to be getting spoilt by my parents, I nearly cried when I saw them, I wanted to go too.

Agree with this, I also suspect he knows by now. You need something as proof from her because I'll bet my house he's going to tell you she's a crazy jealous nut job at work who fancies him.. be prepared for lots of lies. I've been in your situation and it really does knock you sideways!! Any proof you get from her at this point would be helpful, don't disclose you have that when you do confront him - wait and see what his side of this sorry tale is first. I'll never understand why men do this to their wives, utterly selfish people. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

As others have said get more evidence before you confront him or he will deny.

So reply to the ow, and ask for screenshots of messages from him to her as proof.

Because if the woman says when they met, and OP can see that he was doing something but not in his working hours, it will help

What would I say to her though? It would have to be a text as I’m too nervous to talk to her

She could be lying. You need at least to consider that possibility. Then ask him. What else can you do?

Because he spurned her advances is just one reason.

She may well be telling the truth but it's not 100% certain without any evidence.

Maybe you should? A confrontation won't advance the truth.
Go to your parents, tell him he has 24h to move out before you return. He'll know why. When he tries to minimise just send him an article about "the script" and tell him you know all the tricks, stop the BS as you're not listening. Don't engage with his emotions and focus on just you and your dc.

"That's quite an accusation that you've made. Are you able to give me proof that my husband has been having an affair with you?"

I would message her and say (as calm as possible) can you have worse details, places they meet up, how often, days ans times etc, why is she telling you now

Just be neutral say could you please send me screenshots of his messages just so I know this is genuine?

Maybe say something along the lines that you can’t believe he would do something like that. Is she sure she has the right person? She may volunteer evidence
Probably best not to suggest that she is lying.

I’m so sorry this has happened.
I would definitely text and ask her for proof, he can deny all he wants and call her all the names, and give all the excuses but you will have proof.

This sounds like a good response, thank you

OP I would ask for screenshots of messages & dates etc ,then let it play out see what he says, if he denies it all then you can say well look at these.

Okay I’m going to message her 😩

Get your evidence before you confront him, don't give him chance to persuade her to delete messages.

Sorry you are going through this .

OK you need to message her and ask for evidence now. Before he gets back.

If they have spoken today it may well be too late already but hopefully not.

Then you will know this is 100% true and you won't be taken in by the load of actual bullshit your husband is about to unload on you.

Take control of the narrative now while you can.

Do not say thank you for telling me etc to her. Keep it neutral and emotionless.

"I need to understand this situation better. Can you provide evidence to back up what you're saying? It's important for me to know the truth."

Handhold @Waffletots . You are being really strong.

I agree.she is a monster troublemaker out to cause maximum upset. Ignore.