Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

@crazycattlady0 can he take daughter to sport another evening as she goes other days too?

Not her sister, his wife's daughter.

Should he? Or should he 'love SC as his own' ?

This sounds good apart from the last sentence- he's not an idiot he'll know it's disappointing

Epically shit of him. Why does he have to take away the one time he sees her in the week?

Yea that’s really bad. His own daughter should come before everyone.

Depends on whether you think he's a shit parent or not!
He's probably doing his best to please everyone.
Blended families are hard.
As soon as you split up it's never going to be the same.
Stay together if you don't like it.

He's not able to do either of the other evenings (so tried!) - one he works late and the other he has to pick his partner up from work.

I suppose?

No. His own daughter trumps all.

I already am and my twatty ex sees his teens about once every six weeks. They absolutely know where they stand in his priorities. It's really sad. What they choose to go as adults is absolutely up to them and yes he'll have to accept it as a consequence of his neglect. No parent has a "right" to spend time with their kid once the kids are old enough to have a say.

This is NOT how blended families work. Like it or not she's in a blended family now

Error that's life when you part company.

So he gets to bow out of a parenting duty and taking some of the day to day running around off the larent who does it the other 6 days a week and play Disney dad by taking his daughter out for her tea?

How about explaining to step daughter that she can do a club on a Monday, Tuesday, Thursday or Friday or one that her mum could take her on public transport to?

It's crap of him. He's reducing his contact with his dd to prioritise his partners child.

WTF??? He barely sees her throughout the year so she’s hardly his no.1 priority and clearly has never been. Poor kid.

What a prize tosser the ex is. No wonder he’s an ex. 🤦🏻‍♀️

So you think what he’s doing is ok? Really?! 😂 thank fuck my kids will never experience that then

I’d expect his position to be more along the lines of ‘sorry new partner, you know I take DD to her club on a Wednesday and I want to continue that as I only see her EOW and it’s important to us both. Let's find something for SC to do on a different evening’.

OP already does the lions share of parenting.

Not acceptable, the step daughter needs to do her activity on a different night

@Teisen1990 loving stepdaughter as his own would involve saying 'sorry SD I can't do Wednesday as already committed to DD, shall we see what other evening/club we can do' in the same way if he had DD1 and DD2 and both were his own not SD. DD! already has a club on Wednesday so DD2 has to find something that fits round that, in same way DD1 would if DD2 was doing something on a night she wanted to do something new

So would you actually say to one child (regardless of step or bio) that they have to stop doing X so that a sibling can do something? The OP has had her Wednesday nights free for years. I know she's said she'll do it but she absolutely could have said no, I have a club / class whatever that say that I've built up for years. She does two other nights. I absolutely agree that a good step parent should be involved in stuff like this but NOT at the expense of an existing arrangement.

I can't imagine turning round to my stepdaughters and saying sorry my DD is my priority now so I'm done with doing anything for you.

This is what you would expect a reasonable person to do.

I do think he’s shit because he had a longstanding arrangement with his daughter. As others have said SD should have been told she’d have to do an activity on another nigh/her dad could take her/his partner could learn to drive. I don’t expect blended families to be the same but it can be done better than this. He sees SD way more than his DD so should prioritise her in this instance.

He could have easily said no to SD if he didn’t want to - sounds like an excuse because he no longer wants to take DD