Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

The arrangement is club x on y day. Child can still do it as op can take them. Dad should have ASKED mum first but it's not unreasonable for arrangements to change.

Thats not the advice that step parents get pelted with literally every day on this site.

If he hadn't agreed to do this for his blended family the pitchforks would be out for that too

Yes, life is hard and the OP has just been shitted on again by the ex. Maybe that night was her night that she did something for herself, but that now has to stop because, ....something about blended families, not bowing down to his biological child and treating the step child the same as the daughter.

How the fuck is saying I can't take SD on that day as I have DD bowing down to the first child. Sorry some of you have such shit expectations of your child's father's.

It’s disappointing for your DD, but how much quality time does he actually get with her on that day? I have a DD the same age and every club she does is drop off/ wait outside so it’s not quality time together (she had one where we could watch, but again, that wasn’t either).

You can drive and his SD’s mother can’t, so he’s helping them out.

I know you’ve said he can’t see her on the day he works late/ picks his partner up, but can’t he take her to one of the other clubs she goes to on a different day?

There are 7 evenings in the week - he can take her for a burger another night - make it a regular arrangement - can you suggest this ?

You should love your own child the most and prioritise them always….simples ….a step child is not and never will be your own child

Why have his SD’s parents signed her up to a class that she couldn’t get to without your ex giving up his lift for your DD? Call him out, he’s a crap dad. Every other weekend and one week the summer and he can’t manage to give her a lift once a week.

Right, so you wouldn't ditch a standing arrangement for a new one. Take the step/ bio out of it. It's actually irrelevant. This man has a standing arrangement with one child. Therefore the new activity has to fit round it. The OP is not part of this blended family and it's not up to her to take on even more of the running about to facilitate this.

He hasn't just changed the plans, he's ditched his daughter and will now only see her every other weekend, what an outstanding father. He isn't swapping activities/ nights he is completely and totally ditching the daughter.

Don't defend this.

@QuizzicalPause where has anyone said he should do that. But on a Wednesday night his DD is priority. Let's face it only Wednesday evening and EOW does his DD get any look in with dad, definitely never a priority the rest of the time, so he can prioritise SD then

Agree with this, it's not fair to cancel on one child for another child to do a new activity regardless of whether it's a biological or step child.

My answer would be around - ‘are you telling dd she’s being put second to your dsc, or are you telling her you’re arranging a lift/taxi/alterntivar for her as either way you’re relationship with your dd that should be paramount will be damaged’ and see what happens .

So bizarre how people are trying to defend this.

I'll defend it if I want to

Own daughter doesn’t necessarily trump all but a child already committed to a sport trumps younger taking up an activity at the same time if it precludes the original child from attending hers. Especially when he’s not exactly 50/50 so is already spending way more time with SD.

Surely there must be another time in the entire week that SD can do this activity

@QuizzicalPause so if you have 2 DC do you tell one they have to give up something as other DC wants to do something on same night

No…his daughter should always trump the SD ,….the new partner chose to be in a relationship with a man with a child so they need to suck it up and prioritise their own kid……blood will out

Really weird that you are.

This!

If he’s dropping his DD for his SD one day a week then he absolutely needs to step up on a different day instead.

He's dumping his own DC to prioritise someone else's? He sounds awful.

If I were you I'd tell him he has to be the one to explain to his DD why he can no longer take her to her sport, then I'd take her myself, so she doesn't miss out.

What is the SD's actual dad doing on Wednesday nights? Surely if the mother cannot do it, the father of the child should step up in preference to your ex dropping a night with his own child.
Failing that, can he drop off SD on his way round the houses to DD's activity and is there another parent able to take SD home from her activity?

OP, it depends how he has worded things.
If he's messaged you and run it by you, asking whether you can take DD, then sort of fair enough.
But, if he's dropped (dropping DD like a sack of potatoes) with no notice, then he really is a cunt.

I am amazed at the tone of so many of these responses...I feel there has been an invasion.

If I told my eldest child she could no longer do her sport because I am now going to take her younger sibling somewhere, I'd be told I was playing favourites.

He is doing this, but worse, for a non-biological child that he sees every day. Thereby relegating his child to every other weekend. Which is crap, whether or not other fathers are more crap is so far from the point it is unbelievable.

Where is the SD's father? Can he not step up?

Awful behaviour. He hardly sees her as it is.

The stepmum needs to learn to drive!