Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

She isn't her sister though.
But that is hardly the point, the main issue is he rarely sees his daughter as it is. Wednesday evening was his time for her. Without that he only sees her every two weeks. That's unacceptable.

That's better than some. Some get nothing dad isn't interested at all.
What about inbetween time as well, there are ways of being interested and keeping in touch as we all know, without seeing people in person.

That’s really shit of him OP. I’d ask for him to see her another night but it seems unlikely he’ll do that given that he’s deprioritised her.

@PassingStranger hes not trying to work together though, he’s telling the OP. It’s hard enough for a child to see their dad living with another child all the time without then taking away additional time they do see each other for this other child. Why should he not be told this bluntly?

That's FOUR DAYS A MONTH. 4 out 26. And ONE out of six weeks in a summer holiday. That's absolutely crap and it isn't less do because some are even worse. Christ this place is depressing sometimes. At the very least he should be seeing his DD on a Tuesday or whatever instead but ideally, the step child should have been told she'll have to find a different night or her dad can take her or the mum can learn to drive / get a bus / organise a lift. I totally agree that step parents should get involved and if it was in a different night it's a really good thing that he'd take her, but not drop his own DD's hobby and time with her. Appalling.

It is a shitty thing to do.

At 18 both of my DC cut contact with their extremely disinterested father. Not what you envisage or want for your kids when you become a parent. But life is much more straightforward and I don’t have to manage their disappointment.

One decent parent is enough for them.

So is not seeing your dad at all but alot of people get any choice.

I think that's fair enough IF both of the following apply:

• You're able to take DD
• He has organised another day to see her.

Blended families are incredibly difficult and whatever he did he will be letting someone down. I agree that his SD should be treated the same as his DD, and while it's not great that he can't take her anymore, your DD does have another parent who can. Your DD will make her own mind up regarding the fairness of that in a few years

She is her sister if that's how they define themselves we don't know

But surely "working together" isn't telling your ex you're not honouring a longstanding arrangement as you've made other plans.

In this instance the OP says she will of course now take her child, but that's not really the point is it?!

I'm married to the father of my children , I typically take them to their Friday activity, if I make other plans for a Friday I ASK him first to check if he is available, to check if he is able to take the children to their Friday activity instead of me, and then if he's available I confirm my alternate Friday plans.

"Working together" would be wonderful, it would probably involve the ex asking the OP if she'd mind covering Wednesday's so he could do xyz for his step child, and would it then be possible to see his DD on a Tuesday (for example) so he doesn't miss out on time with her......THAT would be "working together"!!

Come on- really?

Can’t you suggest then that he does one of the other days sport drop offs so that he sees her on a different day every week?

@QuizzicalPause ok but would you do something for your stepchildren that meant you’d only see your child once a fortnight? Because I certainly wouldn’t give up seeing my child once a week for anything

But when she says in a few years time, she dosent want to go at weekends cos she's busy that will be OK will it.
Don't divorce or split up then if you don't want to share your child's dad.
You cannot have it always.

Ask which of the other 2 activities he will take her too instead?

If this was two kids in same household they would have found an alternative activity night

Call his bluff and tell him that if he doesn’t take his own DD can’t go then she can’t go, so he’s prioritising his girlfriend’s child over his own.

I’m astonished at how many people think being a shit parent is acceptable because some parents are even shittier.

I see now that he isn't having her another day to make up for it and only sees her once a fortnight. That's shit of him, your poor DD

They are a family unit now.
As soon as you split up you open yourself to allsorts of blended family problems.

That’s outrageous. He can explain that to her himself.

Do this.

Well presumably he lives with his stepdaughter and sees his own child once a fortnight now. He also had a pre-existing arrangement with his own daughter. Not the same at all.

This........
People are awful trying to cause a row, when they've got a car themselves.
Lives hard enough.
Carry on causing rows and the poor girl won't see her dad at all.

Like this? Sorry I can't take you to sport on Wednesday as I have to take your sister now as her mum can't drive her and your mum is able to drive you so this is the fairest way for both kids. How about we go to nandos every other Thursday after school instead?

Maybe send something along these lines?

"If you aren't seeing DD on Wednesdays anymore, which day are you going to pick her up instead? She also does activity [insert days] or perhaps you could take her out for tea. She will be so disappointed if she doesn't get to see you every week."