Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

And Iv read a gazillion times that step parents must treat step kids as their own so yea they do.

He’s not treating the sc as his own. If he was treating her as he treats his own, he’d only be seeing her once a fortnight and dropping the only other evening he saw her.

The issue is not about the lift or the sport, it’s about a dad willingly sending a message to the child that he’s happy to see her less than he does now (which isn’t very much).

@Myneeboots

And Iv read a gazillion times that step parents must treat step kids as their own so yea they do.
Well then he'd be seeing his partners child once a fortnight 🙄

Nope. Step parents are always being told the step child has two parents and they aren't one of them. If the mum can't do the run then the child's father needs to do it. Not her boyfriend
Step parents aren't cheap help

Disgusting of the Father, the step daughter has her own Father in the picture why can't he step up.

Also he was taking his own daugher first and that should be his priority.

The daughter should be his first priority the step daughter has her her own Father. The daughter only see's her Father every two weeks, he has that easy does'nt he.

I suggest he doesn’t do it and continues to take his daughter

Yes it is

That’s awful. They spend so little time together as it is, and I bet your dd really valued this one thing with her dad.

The advice to "treat them like your own" is about not excluding them from family activities, not getting your child a present but not the sc, allowing them to treat the house like home etc etc. It is not ditching the child completely to focus on the sc.

It is amazing how some posters have made the OP out to be the evil ex, rather than a Mum concerned that her ex is letting their daughter down.

Oh and as many have said "treating them like your own" is saying "sorry, you can't do X because your sister already does Y, and I can't do both."

Not at the expense of their own child who they hardly see they wouldn't.

This.

He's a fool to let her down like this, sadly she willl remember.

Unfortunately it's her lesson 1 in (most) men are selfish & unreliable.

So he can’t do the 3 week nights she does sport. What’s he doing the other 2 nights? He could see her those nights instead, take her out for tea/activity/hot drink/anything to keep up contact time?

SM has pressurised her DP to take her child to an actiivty she has signed them up to on a day she quite clearly knows her not so DSD does and activity which hr DP takes her to.

The SM -
should not have agreed to the activity if she or the childs DF wee unable to take her
First option is to change the day of the activity
Second aske the child's DF to take her
Pay for a taxi /take the bus etc
But she has opted for making her DP drop access to his own child and her activity and expecting the EX to once again pick up the slack for the pathetic household she is part of.

The epitome of the evil Stepmother

That's so sad for your DD, OP. He should definitely be taking over another evening instead- personally, I think it would be fair if his partner finds another way to get home on the night that he picks her up from work so that he doesn't lose the time with his DD.
It doesn't sound as if they've considered that though, your DD sounds low on their priority list. 😒

Hopefully op has got more class and standards to start swearing over a text.

Exactly.

And I don’t think step mums are mostly told that on here. The majority always say “the dc has two parents and it’s up to them not the step mum”.

Ypur popr dd op.
I hope he isn't expecting you to tell her he won't be taking her any more.?

Well that's shitty. And unfortunately in years to come your DD will remember that she was less important than her stepsister.

You said he can't do the other sports nights but there's 7 nights in a week - can't he have her for tea on one of the 4 other nights so they still get time together?

You tell him that.

Sometimes you should let people know how shit they are.

Whether or not her mum can take her, this is about him ring fencing his time with his biological child that he doesn’t live with and with whom he spends very little time.

He isn’t offering an alternative evening. Instead, he is prioritising spending even more time with a child, who is a member of his household and has free access to spend time with him or for lifts to clubs any other day of the week Mon - Fri and alternate weekends.

This is most certainly not a case of a father treating his stepchild as if she were his own.

There is a phenomenon with some men that they prioritise the relationship with the children of the woman he’s in a relationship with. We see it all the time on threads on Mumsnet. This is such a case.

If the girl’s mum doesn’t drive, she could take a bus, taxi or uber with her dd or find a club on a different day. There are alternatives, which don’t impinge on the fundamental father / daughter relationship and quite apart from wondering how this man can fail his child so wilfully, I also wonder at what is going through the head of his current partner that would allow her to think this is an ok thing to do to an innocent child. And wonder at how blind she is to the fact that if they were to separate he would likely not hesitate to do the same to her children, especially as they are not biologically his.

Well we don’t know what the step daughter does and the sports commitments element is not the most important thing here. The daughter is going to lose seeing her dad every week, having him watch her at her sport, knowing he cares enough to take her.
potentially, this time on a Wednesday is their only time together away from the wife and step daughter .

well he shouldn’t have made himself available as what he is giving up to do so is massive