Ex no longer able to give DD lift

[crazycattlady0]

I share a DD11 with my ex. He sees her every other weekend and one week in the summer holidays. This has been the pattern since we split up 7 years ago.

He also takes DD to her sport every Wednesday evening, watches her then drops her back.

My ex has been with his partner for a few years and she has a DD a couple of years younger than DD.

My ex has messaged to say that he can no longer take DD to her sport. His SD has just started a similar sport and because the mum can't drive, my ex will now be taking her.

AIBU to think this is unfair on DD, or is it ok because I can drive and therefore take her now?

Your attitude towards the daughter is vile

Because the op has to get up and take her? Yeh ok, such a horrible attitude. 😂

It’s not about the OP “getting up”. Firstly, she said she will do it. Secondly, it’s about the CHILD having even less contact time with her father.

Boor off troll

Don’t engage with this person it’s obviously a troll

This makes me so sad for your daughter. Seeing her father every 2 weeks is not enough for him to have enough valuable time with him, particularly at her age when they grow up so fast!

I only have stepchildren but my stepchildren have always lived here 50%. Either way, I have seen what a good father can achieve, despite a separation.
It's unbelievable that some people on here think this behaviour is okay in blended families. If his stepchild had an activity on the Wednesday before his daughter, it would make sense that she is prioritised over his daughter. Letting his daughter down like this must break her heart

For a start I would never, ever make something up (aka lie) to a child.

Secondly it’s probably going to fall to OP to tell her daughter that she will be taking her from now on, but ideally it should be her dad, providing OP is fairly confident he won’t lie. If he’s a habitual liar, she would be better telling her.

Thirdly, it’s extremely unlikely that OP will get an explanation as to why the step child’s father isn’t taking her to her sport. OP already stated that her ex’s partner doesn’t like her.

Or I just believe that this isn’t a huge issue, specially as it’s drilled into stepparents to treat step kids as their own.

the step daughter is not a half sibling , it’s his partners dd.

If the father gives up every Wednesday, he will see his daughter for 55 days a year which is 15% of the time. I can see the OP feels that inadequate for a good relationship!

There are approx 52 Wednesdays (assuming it’s all year round) in a year then when he won’t be having any contact, meaning they go 12 days without seeing each other. Currently, she gets to see her dad and know he’s watching her sport once per week. This child is only 11. Poor girl!

I’d reply: wow so you actually want me to tell dd you’ve ditched her for your sd?!

You don’t know that.

This is really poor of him and poor of the step mother too.

I have step children (who my husband has 50:50 contact in place for) and I would never ask this of him, for him to effectively ditch a long-standing commitment permanently to prioritise my child (who has her own involved father). He would never ask it of me either. There could be perhaps a one off emergency situation in which a favour was asked but never more than that. How selfish and thoughtless of both of them.

I’m not suggesting lying, I am suggesting if is a good reason the dad is cancelling on his commitment, it would be good to know.

I suspect there is no good reason…..

Just wow, so because some dads never see their kids this girl should be grateful for every little bit of time she gets even though it’s pretty low

“The poor bastard” sees his daughter eight times a month and wants to reduce that to every other weekend. Give over, he’s a crap dad.

He’s reduced down to 15% of the time.
poor dad, indeed! 😂

Is that you, OP’s ex?

OK so if I live with one of my own children and see the other 8 days (4 full days and 4 evenings) it's OK for me to half that?

The difference between stepmums and stepdads on the whole is that way more kids live with their mother and SD most of the time rather than 50/50 or EOW with mum. So all these (well one in particular) SMs on here saying 'TREAT THEM AS YOUR OWN ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY ON THE STEPPARENTING BOARDS?????!!!!!!' are missing the point entirely. The SMs usually live with their own kids and see their SKs far less often so yes, make them a priority/treat them equally. This loser lives with his SD and is cutting the very limited time he has with his daughter. How the two can be compared is utter nonsense.

You really are missing the point 🤦🏼‍♀️

the dad then won’t see his daughter. Meaning he’s dropping a day, willingly, of seeing and spending time with his child.

Very likely there is no good reason.

The contact arrangements were EOW and one week in the summer for the past seven years (since the daughter was four or thereabouts). It’s unlikely this Wednesday night thing has been running for all that time, so my only hope for her is that it won’t have been for too long or too deeply ingrained and the loss of it will not be too upsetting for the child.

grasping at straws really, but what can you do? He’s made his decision. 🤷🏼‍♀️ They will somehow have to live with it.

can you not read properly? The step dad ISN'T available as he has has a prior commitment to his daughter.

the level of stupidity by a select few on this thread is staggering.

Ha ha …well actually Can you not read properly… he’s already told OP he isn’t doing it anymore so he can do it and he is indeed free.

This thread isn’t asking if he should or shouldn’t do it. It’s the OP having a moan as he has already made the commitment to take his DSD. He’s not asking permission. He’s already made his mind up.