He says I love a painting more than him

[BeLimeTiger]

I have a painting in my living room that was a gift from my ex who was an art collector. I didn’t make a secret of where it came from when he asked me a couple of years back. It’s of a bird, so not a sexy nude or a scene from a place we went together. I agreed that we wouldn’t have it in a prominent place if we bought a house together (I was thinking maybe in a spare room). He said last night that it feels really uncomfortable about it (he now lives in my house) and compared it to him having a picture of his ex on the wall. I love it as a piece of art and don’t think of my ex when I look at it. I could sell it but the stubborn part of me wonders why I should get rid of something I love to make someone else happy. We’ve been together for over 3 years and my experience of him is that he’s not jealous or controlling.

I felt completely blindsided by him suddenly bringing it up last night and he took my reluctance to agree to take it down as a sign that I love the painting more than him.

YABU- sell the painting. Your DP feels uncomfortable about it being in the house
YANBU- sell it when you buy somewhere together

I wouldn't get rid of it at all, this is his problem to get over.

It’s not remotely comparable to a photo of your ex.
Don’t even consider of getting rid of it.

Neither, keep it and ask him to adjust his expectations.
Art is special. You say you don't think of your ex when you look at it. No other information required. Tell him to pull himself together.

This^

He's being ridiculous. And controlling. Although you've not seen signs of him being controlling before OP, make no mistake - this is the start of it.

But by all means, test the theory out. Give it to a friend or relative to 'look after' for you, and when you start seeing more signs of his controlling behaviour you can ship him out and get your painting back.

This.

He’s clearly insecure, which is a red flag. He is unhealthily fixated on the painting but getting rid of it won’t resolve the underlying problem of him being insecure. He’ll just fixate on something else once it’s gone and try to control/change that as well to assuage his insecurity. And then after that he’ll choose another, and another…

What?? Your DP is pathetic. Do not get rid of the painting.

Does he want to go through all your stuff and throw out everything the ex once laid eyes on? Childish and ridiculous.

So you throw out all presents from exs? And he does the same? Batshit. He needs to get over it.

Thank you for your replies. I’m quite an arty person and he’s not (think a photo of a banksy printed on a canvas). I’d be upset about having to get rid of any of my paintings or prints as they’re all really special to me. He’s barely spoken to me today so i really think that’s how he feels

Keep the painting, get rid of the bloke.

This. If I loved the painting, it would be ‘my beloved painting’ and not ‘object associated with past relationship’. Either way, I wouldn’t be contemplating buying a house anytime soon with some that paranoid and territorial. What next — a search through your knicker drawer in case you have any underwear your ex might have taken off?

He’s being a plum and needs to get over himself.

Do not get rid of the painting.

Don't get rid of it at all! He's an idiot.

Agree.

Never date a man who stonewalls you.
Does this boyfriend really enhance your life so much that you need to keep dating him?
Masculinity so fragile that he can't cope with a painting and is trying to bully you into obeying him. Gross.

My god, huge red flags waving in your face right here!!!

I haven't voted because I agree with this. He's being silly.

The thing is, I think that he probably would!

Thats nuts!! Get rid of him and protect the painting while he is around in case of an accidentally on purpose damage

I can't vote as I don't think you should get rid of it at all!
Get rid of him instead.

So what, though? If he’s not particularly visually-attuned, he’s just going to have to take your word for it that it’s a painting you love, not some kind of magic avatar of your ex marking his territory.

I think the universe is giving you a warning. This is lucky. Lots of women have no warning until they're pregnant, or a SAHM with a bunch of kids and shackled financially to an abusive dictator.

I wouldn't be looking this gift horse in the mouth.

If this was HIS painting, I guarantee posters would be saying 'he's clearly not over his ex'.

Your DP is an idiot.

It's a yellow flag for him.

Controlling and manipulative. "If you loved me you would..."

He needs to adjust. If he cant/won't you should reconsider your relationship.