He says I love a painting more than him

[BeLimeTiger]

I have a painting in my living room that was a gift from my ex who was an art collector. I didn’t make a secret of where it came from when he asked me a couple of years back. It’s of a bird, so not a sexy nude or a scene from a place we went together. I agreed that we wouldn’t have it in a prominent place if we bought a house together (I was thinking maybe in a spare room). He said last night that it feels really uncomfortable about it (he now lives in my house) and compared it to him having a picture of his ex on the wall. I love it as a piece of art and don’t think of my ex when I look at it. I could sell it but the stubborn part of me wonders why I should get rid of something I love to make someone else happy. We’ve been together for over 3 years and my experience of him is that he’s not jealous or controlling.

I felt completely blindsided by him suddenly bringing it up last night and he took my reluctance to agree to take it down as a sign that I love the painting more than him.

YABU- sell the painting. Your DP feels uncomfortable about it being in the house
YANBU- sell it when you buy somewhere together

Don’t get rid of the painting. I have a jewellery box my ex gave me a long time ago. My DH wasn’t jealous about it whatsoever. I mean, you had a life before you met your boyfriend and he needs to understand that.

Keep your painting, and watch out for other instances of control/sulking/manipulation. It is highly unlikely that he will never do such a thing again. You could do as a pp suggested and get a friend to stash it for you, or talk it through with him to see if his insecurity is firmly rooted.

I think your beau is having a silly moment that he’s likely to get over quite quickly if you tell him the painting means nothing to you emotionally. All the people calling him abusive erc are going a bit far - if this is his only sign of jealousy in three years I very much doubt there is a big issue.

Altho to be fair if he actually said you love a painting more than him that is quite extreme!

I'd play the fucker at his own game.

"I can understand that you feel insecure. However the painting isn't going anywhere. I think we should have some time apart so that we can work out whether we can move forward. Whether there is any validity in me being hung up on my ex (your view) or not (my view), we've clearly reached an impass as I won't be getting rid of it or moving it so we have each have a choice about whether or not to accept the picture and have no further comment on it or splitting up. Let's take the next week to figure that out."

@BeLimeTiger I would go for option 3 - don’t sell it under any circumstances.

You “love it as a piece of art”, not because your ex gave it to you. There is no reason for making your dp uncomfortable, he is being unreasonable.

Dear DP, Your insecurity over a painting is a massive turn-off. Your passive aggressive do-what-I-want-or-I-silently-sulk is making me seriously reconsider our relationship.

I mean if it was a portrait of your ex I'd agree with him!
But he is telling you what art you can hang on the walls of YOUR house. And he is currently giving you the silent treatment, IN YOUR home.
Think hard, OP.

I like you am an “arty” person and have lots of original art on my walls some that my twat of an ex husband bought me. I love the paintings for what they are not who bought them. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do with the painting and don’t put it in the spare room if you love it. Enjoy it in pride of place.

I voted that you were being unreasonable because you're being unreasonable to even think of selling the painting at all!!!!

He's being controlling and needs to get over himself.

Accusing you of loving the painting more than him is a MASSIVE red flag regarding jealousy and control.

This

Oh and I'm not voting because your choices are ridiculous.
You love the artwork so don't sell it.

It’s not the same issue but I had a very generous ex who bought me a car. We didn’t live together, we broke up and he said please keep it. I’d really looked after it, it was so valuable to me. I am also an anxious driver, and the make/model was perfect for me.
On a practical level it had really helped. I was a bit taken aback when it was given to me, but there were no control issues or strings attached.
10 years later, I still had the car and it was pristine.
I met someone who absolutely love bombed me. And a few weeks into the relationship he told me he couldn’t continue with me unless I sold the car.
I did not want to sell the car. It was immaculate, very low mileage and I knew if I sold it what I bought with the money would not be it’s equal in any way.
He went on and on and on until I sold the car.
And then of course a few weeks later we split up anyway.
The painting is not the issue. The fact that he’s living in your home is more the problem.
Keep the painting. You can never replace it.

I haven’t voted as I don’t think you should get rid of it at all. My late partner was like that-he got rid of my stuff that I’d bought with my previous husband.

If it was me I'd get rid of it. I wouldn't have my husband feeling uncomfortable in our home. I would be pretty confused if I expressed discomfort with something he had hanging around and he didn't want to part with it, at my expense.

Another vote for keeping the painting and losing the man who objects to it.

You would really move into someone's house and insist they sold something they loved that had no personal significance at all?

Keep the painting.

He is more eaten up by a painting and a person you haven't thought about in years, than he cares for you.

What else does he want you to ditch from your life and experiences that are associated with someone else from your past?

We are the sum of our lived experiences as much as we are our genetics... if we have to yeet out everything we 'got', be it learning, experiences or objects, from someone else every time we start a new relationship... we'd never be fully rounded, interesting, experienced people!

Definitely do not get rid of the painting!

This is incredibly controlling and manipulative regardless of how he’s been before. He’s demonstrating what you can expect, and before you live together. There will be more to come if you appease him here.

Look at the Freedom Programme online, every woman and girl should do it!

(and I recommend getting rid of the man)

There is no option where yoy don’t sell it op and that’s sad , that you’d give up something you love due to his jealousy. Where does it end. Where do you stop appeasing him.

its option c. Yoy keep it, he grows up and if he keeps giving you the silent treatment you recognise he’s a jealous controlling bully and you get him gone. Fast.

This picture is no threat unless he turns it into one.. Perhaps he feels insecure about his own lack of interest in art.

Can't vote as neither option involves keeping the painting and him growing up.

He’s being ridiculous.
My DH had large photos of his late wife in his house — including his bedroom— and of course we kept them in our future joint home. Not in our bedroom but in the hall and living room. Didn’t bother me in the slightest, from everything I heard she was a lovely, strong woman who died far too young.

He needs to get over himself, it’s a painting.