To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

[Luckystarss]

Hoping for some practical advice on getting through 17hrs childcare shifts (2am to 7pm) mon to fri please…

So I’m on maternity leave with my gorgeous DD, aged 6 months. This is our last child as we decided with DH our family is now complete, we also have DS aged 7. I’m in my late thirties.
Whilst there are so many amazing moments with DD - her giggles, her beautiful smile, her play etc- there are so many mundane childcare hours and I find myself feeling so overwhelmed and tired especially going towards the end of the week... I know others have probably more difficult situations but hoping for some practical tips to ease these long hours…
I have 7 months of mat leave left and I would like to enjoy it…

We don’t have family close by.

So the set up is this:

DH and I are doing shifts in looking after DD, DH sleeps in guest room and has DD there for part of the night.
DH is out of the house 7am to 7pm Monday to Friday for work. As soon as he gets home, quick change of clothes tea and he takes DD, say 7.15ish.

My typical day (Monday to Friday):
2am ish DH brings DD for a feed (I’m bfeeding)
Sometimes she stays asleep while eating some times she is awake for 2hrs and I need to put her to sleep again
Perhaps I get few hours of sleep then
Around 5ish - breastfeeding again
6am get up, breakfast , play
9am morning snooze about 1 hour
Feed play outside if the weather is good
Lunch
Afternoon snooze 2hrs
Play feed
Go to pick up DS from school
4-7pm (most challenging part of he day) : getting dinner sorted, while managing DD and answering various questions by DS, sometimes he plays with DD which helps me focus on dinner (most of the times it’s something quick - like stir fry, oven baked chicken thighs with steamed frozen veg, pasta pizza and similar)
DH gets in 7 takes DD, I tidy up kitchen a bit, give dinner to DH, make tea.
Then 7.30-8 me time for quick shower foot massage (machine), meditation and 8ish a cuddle with DS before his bedtime.
8pm-2am sleep (sometimes at 11pm DD needs a feed, if so DH brings her in for feeding and takes her back once finished). Brings her back circa 2am and so the cycle repeats until 7pm…

DH takes DS to school each morning, he also pays for cleaners (we have them Monday to Friday- they tidy, clean, do laundry) and he also looks DD over the weekend more unless there are some household stuff to sort out - such as sorting out broken locks, sink, etc

I feel this is so relentless- day in day out, yes I got through it before with DS (albeit I was younger) and DD was very much planned and we are lucky to have her. Yet I would love to enjoy these remaining 7 months more, rather than just keeping an eye on the clock waiting for my break…

Also I was thinking to myself if you approach nanny or a nursery setting with 17hrs childcare request- there is no way they would do it (without a break) and yet the society simply expects this kind of thing from mothers…

Thank you for reading

The crux of the problem seems to be that you don't have a normal adult evening and probably barely see your husband.

Your baby is six months old. You do have options around feeding.

You could stop breastfeeding if you wanted to. It doesn't have to be all of it but one bottle for her last feed would save you waking up as well.

Has she started weaning?

You seem a bit stuck on an almost newborn pattern.

I know they regress, I know they don't sleep through all the time but your wakings still seem quite a lot and I don't see the point in two people having interrupted sleep at 2am.

Why doesn't your husband just put her down with you? Currently he has to get up to then wake you up.

It's really easy to get set and not acknowledge that your baby is changing as well. Do you think you might be at that stage?

As for day, again she's big enough to pop in a swing or sit in a highchair at a community cafe. All a bit more interaction than the pushing about a newborn.

Get yourself to some groups or make arrangements with other mums to do things out and about. Doesn't need to be expensive. I used to take a sandwich and a flask of tea just so I could stay out rather than feeling tied to the house and it cut out lunchtime clearing up.

This is such a strange attitude to parenting! You talk of childcare, shifts , clock watching and waiting for your break! This is not a job. This is a life that you choose knowing full well what it entails. I’m a single parent and was a stay at home mum for the first seven years. I’m not going to start comparative parenting but lots of parents do 24 hour ’ shifts’ for years!
Maybe it would help you to feel more content if you can try reframe your life as parenting not a job? Yes it can be dull and repetitive but ( most ) time spent with your kids is actually really special . These times will shape them and the rest of their lives. Their childhoods are not chores to be endured.
I hope you get a routine that makes you all happy. Good luck.

I’ve just re-read the OP’s daily routine and the more I read it the more bizarre it is. I’m starting to wonder if this is fake.

They don’t have any kind of evening or time together. Why are both kids not being put down at 7ish so they can have dinner together? Then the baby could be given a dream feed at 10.30ish before OP and DH go to bed?

When does the DH get any ‘downtime’?

And why does DH have to always ‘bring’ her the baby for feeding? He must be exhausted.

You are obviously finding it hard being a SAHM even though you have cleaners every day and DH takes son to school. If you are just bored can you go back to work earlier. I had a 5year old 2 year old twins and a newborn. That was my choice. I did everything myself with no help as DH had a job which involved driving so could not be tired. I enjoyed being a SAHM and felt that I was very lucky to be able to be one. As you already had a child you knew what to expect.

and how does her husband take son to school but then has a 3.5-4 hour commute every day 🤔

Can you get a nanny and go back to work OP? It doesn’t sound like you enjoy parenting a baby at all!

You sound more bored than anything. Yes broken sleep is rough and parenting can be really hard work, presumably the majority of women commenting on this post have been there and do have sympathy for you! But it’s really not that usual to have cleaners 4 days a week and a DH who literally walks in the door after being out for 12 hours and takes the baby. When do you see your DH?

Does your DS have to go to breakfast club at 7am and who gets him ready for that etc? Does your baby nap in a cot during the day so you can get stuff done or even take a nap then? I’ve definitely gone back to bed for a hour at 9am after a rough night. Does your baby (and older child) have a set bedtime and get put to bed solely by your DH every night?

I feel like you’re describing how exhausted and overwhelmed I felt in the first couple of weeks with a newborn and a toddler (and no cleaner) - not a 6 month old and a 7 year old!

If you’re struggling this much then I’d seriously consider weaning off breastfeeding. It might not help with sleep (hopefully will) but at least your DH can do a bottle in the night since he’s woken up anyway at 2am. Then you could take turns and each of you could have an unbroken nights sleep every other night.

@Inmydreams88

and how does her husband take son to school but then has a 3.5-4 hour commute every day 🤔

I reckon the son has to do breakfast club every morning. Probably gets dropped off 7.30.

When does your husband get to have some unbroken sleep? You get 6 hours 8-2am….he gets 2am to around 6am (maybe earlier if he also has to get DS ready for school) if he leaves the house at 7am so 4 hours. You also get to nap when baby naps during the day. Your poor husband must be absolutely exhausted! Also if you’re on maternity leave why is your son having to go to school at 7am when your husband leaves for work. I think you need to reevaluate what is fair/right for the rest of the family and not just you.