To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

[Luckystarss]

Hoping for some practical advice on getting through 17hrs childcare shifts (2am to 7pm) mon to fri please…

So I’m on maternity leave with my gorgeous DD, aged 6 months. This is our last child as we decided with DH our family is now complete, we also have DS aged 7. I’m in my late thirties.
Whilst there are so many amazing moments with DD - her giggles, her beautiful smile, her play etc- there are so many mundane childcare hours and I find myself feeling so overwhelmed and tired especially going towards the end of the week... I know others have probably more difficult situations but hoping for some practical tips to ease these long hours…
I have 7 months of mat leave left and I would like to enjoy it…

We don’t have family close by.

So the set up is this:

DH and I are doing shifts in looking after DD, DH sleeps in guest room and has DD there for part of the night.
DH is out of the house 7am to 7pm Monday to Friday for work. As soon as he gets home, quick change of clothes tea and he takes DD, say 7.15ish.

My typical day (Monday to Friday):
2am ish DH brings DD for a feed (I’m bfeeding)
Sometimes she stays asleep while eating some times she is awake for 2hrs and I need to put her to sleep again
Perhaps I get few hours of sleep then
Around 5ish - breastfeeding again
6am get up, breakfast , play
9am morning snooze about 1 hour
Feed play outside if the weather is good
Lunch
Afternoon snooze 2hrs
Play feed
Go to pick up DS from school
4-7pm (most challenging part of he day) : getting dinner sorted, while managing DD and answering various questions by DS, sometimes he plays with DD which helps me focus on dinner (most of the times it’s something quick - like stir fry, oven baked chicken thighs with steamed frozen veg, pasta pizza and similar)
DH gets in 7 takes DD, I tidy up kitchen a bit, give dinner to DH, make tea.
Then 7.30-8 me time for quick shower foot massage (machine), meditation and 8ish a cuddle with DS before his bedtime.
8pm-2am sleep (sometimes at 11pm DD needs a feed, if so DH brings her in for feeding and takes her back once finished). Brings her back circa 2am and so the cycle repeats until 7pm…

DH takes DS to school each morning, he also pays for cleaners (we have them Monday to Friday- they tidy, clean, do laundry) and he also looks DD over the weekend more unless there are some household stuff to sort out - such as sorting out broken locks, sink, etc

I feel this is so relentless- day in day out, yes I got through it before with DS (albeit I was younger) and DD was very much planned and we are lucky to have her. Yet I would love to enjoy these remaining 7 months more, rather than just keeping an eye on the clock waiting for my break…

Also I was thinking to myself if you approach nanny or a nursery setting with 17hrs childcare request- there is no way they would do it (without a break) and yet the society simply expects this kind of thing from mothers…

Thank you for reading

Tell me about it! And he has to sleep in the spare bedroom

It sounds like you have a supportive husband. They aren't 17 hours childcare shifts, it's being a parent

Goodness ! Your poor husband . Almost 4 hours commuting and then has to take over from you when he gets home . You seem to resent his commute - comfy train , WiFi etc.!!
I mean what have you done all day ? And you are talking about getting a break ??!!! Your life sounds so easy .
Actually I think you're on a wind up - talking about meditation and foot massages (machine or otherwise !!)

Just what I was thinking!

Good grief.

First time I have ever heard of someone referring to caring for their own child as a ‘childcare shift’. How bizarre - I thought this was going to be a post about someone working as a nanny or in some sort of formal childcare role. Many parents work 24 hour ‘childcare shifts’ back to back for days/weeks/months on end - I don’t think it is unusual.

@Wantitalltogoaway

Agree with you. Mine were just having a dream feed by 6 weeks & sleeping through by few months old 7-7. I don't think it's normal to be up half the night with a 6 month old.

OP I just saw you have a cleaner in every day. Also DH does school run every day. Does DS do breakfast club because I can't see how DH would otherwise manage the school run followed by a long commute. You are very lucky!

I think DH is doing a lot to support you tbh.

You must know that's not universal though

I’m sure it’s not, but my point is babies don’t need to be feeding in the night at 6 months.

I’d be working to sort that out as I would hate to still be doing two night feeds after half a year.

Ermmmm they absolutely do. Advice is to not restrict night feeds until they are at least a year old.

Advice is also to restrict night feeds, it just depends what advise you choose to follow!

@Stirrednshaken

Ermmmm they absolutely do. Advice is to not restrict night feeds until they are at least a year old.

I've never restricted night feeds. Just followed a routine & they were eating plenty during the day & so never needed a feed in the night. Obviously they woke up occasionally if they were ill or teething. But with enough solids & milk during the day they should be able to last the night.

Absolutely fine if your baby isn't waking to feed, no way would I wake a sleeping baby! But the other poster said that they don't need them, which is absolutely not true for many.

I thought you were actually employed as a childcare worker and that was your shift!
Can you reframe it? It's just typical days with a young baby.. thinking of it as a 17 hour shift isn't helping. Enjoy the sleep you do get and the nap times

That's totally inaccurate and dreadful advice

Really?! Six months is nothing to drop all night feeds! I’d say that’s actually very unusual, so you obviously got lucky.

at that age the amount of solid food they consume is going to be negligible, most of them are almost certainly going to need a milk top up during the night hours.

I didn't like mat leave but I certainly didn't martyr myself by staying in every day clock watching. I did about 7 different baby classes across the year, went to baby cinema, took myself off to outlet malls an hour away and popped into Costa to breastfeed if I needed to. I also didn't sleep every time the baby slept as that was time to myself in which I didn't want to be unconscious. I think, as you've said, trying to reframe it as a privilege in your mind will help.

Play groups etc.
Cook and do housework while DD has the 2hr nap.
Presumably, if she's 6mths, she is eating food so probably doesn't need as much milk at night. Could she sleep in your room? 8pm is very early for you to go to bed. I would try t get yourself into sleeping 11-6 pattern.

Get out to baby groups to break up the day.

To the jealous posters out there:

• foot massager isn’t very expensive, got it on Amazon . 15 mins of pure bliss. daily. Highly recommend to any tired mums (or anyone with tired feet!)
• i simply do not share your view that man has nothing to contribute to baby care and should only focus on his work and his sleep. Sorry not sorry
• setting example for DS - I was referring to DH having time with and looking after the baby, mostly.
• we had cleaners before my mat leave as we both work in highly demanding jobs and simply didn’t have time & energy for this stuff, with new baby our time only decreased so there is no logic in letting cleaners go.
• as to “looking after baby all day” being referred as “doing nothing” - surely you understand if that was the case then nannies would not be charging what they are, would they? For “doing nothing “
• I also do not share your view that mothers should work themselves to the ground with self sacrifice and self exhaustion, it’s great if it works for you (does it?) but that’s not my route.

have a restful Sunday!
I know I will (try)

Oh wow. Right-o then OP.

What was the point of you posting in the first place, exactly?

You do get a break though? Your baby naps? You also have cleaners all week. I have to fit all the chores in whilst my toddler naps and then quickly get some lunch. Why do you call them childcare shifts? It is just what is called parenting really.

Oh- and looking after your own child is NOT comparable with being a nanny. I’ve been a nanny for 15 years but looking after my own baby and now three year old was/is a walk in the park compared to looking after other people’s children.

It sounds to me like your DH does a lot and you do less to be honest. At least you don't have to get both children ready for the school run. You get plenty of rest from the sound of it. I wouldn't be staying at home though all the time.

At 6 months you are starting solid and dd is going to be sitting, crawling and walking soon so will be more tired. All of this should help towards sleeping through the night and dropping night feeds. As others have said, get yourself out to some baby groups as well.

Your baby is 6 months - she is waking up so much in the middle of the night because she is hungry - it might help to start feeding her more proper food to sustain her. If she's still waking up then dream feed her an hour before she would normally wake up to get her into the practise of sleeping through. Ideally better to express and dream feed her a bottle so you can start adding water as you wean her off her middle of the night feeds.