Page 4 | ...to report a manager for sleeping with someone on his team?

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/12/2024 11:50

RubyRedBow · 07/12/2024 11:08

You sound very bitter.

Agreed.

bluelavender · 07/12/2024 11:50

Yes; the OP doesn't like the manager but do we really know that this is a fully consensual relationship? And would it not be better for aHR professional to be making sure that all parties really are content (and that this doesn't end up at an employment tribunal?)

WetBandits · 07/12/2024 11:52

This has nothing to do with you being ‘concerned’ for her, and everything to do with the fact that you don’t like him. You’re jealous that he was promoted and want to find some way of punishing him for that.

Report if you want, but not sure what you’ll say as it doesn’t sound like anybody has breached any company policies. You just sound bitter and spiteful that he was promoted and you weren’t 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hayley1256 · 07/12/2024 11:52

I'd stay out of it. It doesn't sound like harassment and you do sound a bit jealous of him and like your trying to get him into trouble. I don't think reporting him will do you any favours

Nikitaspearlearring · 07/12/2024 11:53

I would keep my nose out of other people's relationships.

If he turns out to be useless in his new role, that will be noticed.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/12/2024 11:53

It’s a bit grim, but they are both consenting adults and it’s none of your business. If it’s not against company policy (quite common in American companies, less so here) then you have nothing to whistleblow on/for, but either way I’d stay out of it.

RosieLeaf · 07/12/2024 11:53

If people get together at work (common) then all that happens is one is moved to a different team, if they work directly for each other. There’s no punishment.

WetBandits · 07/12/2024 11:54

bluelavender · 07/12/2024 11:50

Yes; the OP doesn't like the manager but do we really know that this is a fully consensual relationship? And would it not be better for aHR professional to be making sure that all parties really are content (and that this doesn't end up at an employment tribunal?)

What do you require all relationships to be approved by someone else to make sure both parties are happy with it, or is there something about this one that makes you think either of them might be vulnerable in some way?

Lufannian · 07/12/2024 11:55

God in my work we just had a woman leave her husband and children for her line manager. It has been an ongoing saga for many months.

He is to be moved to a different team so he will no longer be her manager but other than that, the company is not particularly interested.

There’s a lot of gossip and I think privately that they are a pair of shits for doing what they’re doing - she has walked out and left two very small children behind, and he has a long term girlfriend who has moved hundreds of miles to be here with him - but they are adults and it’s up to them really 🤷🏻‍♀️

Trumptonagain · 07/12/2024 11:56

It's nothing to do with you as long as anything that happens is consensual its between the two adults concerned.

I think it's relevent because his lack of experience has lead him to sleep with his direct report which is immature and unprofessional IMO.

While you're entitled to your opinion I very much doubt "his lack of experience" has lead him to sleep with this girl, or anyone else that he chooses too.

They're by far not the first couple to have had a relationship while working together and certainly won't be the last, many people have met their DH/DW/long term partners at work.

MarchingInto2025 · 07/12/2024 11:56

Genuinely puzzled by the OP. It's obviously not a secret affair given he openly told you that the hotel room would be spare as he & the woman would be sharing. The company isn't paying them to have sex. His promotion is irrelevant.

Maybe my judgement is clouded by the fact I was once the woman sleeping with the boss because we began a relationship and have been married 17 years now. We advised HR at the time and were told it was completely fine, they just took away the responsibility for pay review/bonus in case of impartiality. Can't see how any of them man & woman's relationship is OP's business unless the woman is 16 and the man 50 or there's a strict no inter employee relationship rule, neither of which seems to be the case 🤷🏼‍♀️

Gogogo12345 · 07/12/2024 11:59

bluelavender · 07/12/2024 11:36

It's unpleasant and and abuse of power for him to be sleeping with a direct report and there may be extra factors which make this power balance more significant. It feels unlikely that a company would be content with a manager sleeping with a direct report even if they are normally fine with staff being in a relationship. The company may ultimately become liable if this al ends badly at an employment tribunal. I don't agree that the OP is jealous. I think her feelings are more likely linked to ethical issues

Wonder how that would have worked with myDD and her husband. They actually met at work and she got a promotion which made her his senior.

MissLeToe · 07/12/2024 11:59

A male colleague recently received a significant, and IMO, undeserved promotion.

This colleague, with no managerial experience, no has a large team of about 10 people covering large area of UK.

It's totally inappropriate, immature and an abuse of power - his is older than her, and her manager.

The fact he's had what you consider an undeserved promotion and is 'using his power' to shag another colleague is only your opinion.

I thought it was going to be the other way round- that a male manager had 'abused his power' by promoting a female colleague he was shagging.

YourWildAmberSloth · 07/12/2024 12:00

OutofIdeas86 · 07/12/2024 11:07

He isn't sales.

He was promoted to managing a large team with no managerial experience.

I think it's relevent because his lack of experience has lead him to sleep with his direct report which is immature and unprofessional IMO.

Sleep with someone at work, fine, but not a direct report- especially in our industry which is rife with sexual harassment!!

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That's a stretch at best - lack of management experience caused them to sleep together. Two consenting adults, with nothing to suggest that his promotion is connected to their relationship. Most companies have rules about direct reports and managers but that's all, anything else would be impractical and unworkable. Despite your protests about not being jealous, and not wanting the company to pay for them to have sex (which clearly it isn't), there is definitely something going on for you - otherwise why would you care so much. They are not hurting anyone, you really should stay out of it.

MildredSauce · 07/12/2024 12:00

MarchingInto2025 · 07/12/2024 11:56

Genuinely puzzled by the OP. It's obviously not a secret affair given he openly told you that the hotel room would be spare as he & the woman would be sharing. The company isn't paying them to have sex. His promotion is irrelevant.

Maybe my judgement is clouded by the fact I was once the woman sleeping with the boss because we began a relationship and have been married 17 years now. We advised HR at the time and were told it was completely fine, they just took away the responsibility for pay review/bonus in case of impartiality. Can't see how any of them man & woman's relationship is OP's business unless the woman is 16 and the man 50 or there's a strict no inter employee relationship rule, neither of which seems to be the case 🤷🏼‍♀️

Judgement clouded by common sense! Yay!

Wonder how that will go down with the OP of this thread who has her beady bitter eye on every move the guy makes?

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 07/12/2024 12:04

Gogogo12345 · 07/12/2024 11:59

Wonder how that would have worked with myDD and her husband. They actually met at work and she got a promotion which made her his senior.

Show quote history

I met dh at work too, and was senior to him (though not his line manager or anything). Very common in my sector (teaching).

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 07/12/2024 12:05

Glad you're not in the wine industry - those grapes would be sour.

HelplessSoul · 07/12/2024 12:05

OutofIdeas86 · 07/12/2024 10:44

A male colleague recently received a significant, and IMO, undeserved promotion.
For context, I work in the beer industry and around 90% of all staff are male.
99% of all leaders are male.

This colleague, with no managerial experience, no has a large team of about 10 people covering large area of UK.

I spotted during an event on his first week, he seemed very 'close' to a female sales person, who has recently moved in the UK, and reports into him.

I've since found out they are sleeping together.

It's totally inappropriate, immature and an abuse of power - his is older than her, and her manager.

Shall I report it on whistleblowing number?

😂

This has literally sod all to do with you.

Or are you upset because he's not sleeping with you?

SallyWD · 07/12/2024 12:08

Mind your own business. They're consenting adults and can have sex if they want. No one would bat an eyelid at my workplace.

Positivenancy · 07/12/2024 12:10

RosieLeaf · 07/12/2024 11:53

If people get together at work (common) then all that happens is one is moved to a different team, if they work directly for each other. There’s no punishment.

Yep exactly this. Happened for me, I am in a relationship with my ex team leader. When we knew it was going the way it was we agreed to tell our dept manager (who was thrilled for us!) and I switched over to another team leader a bit later when they had some new starts, it was done this way so it wasn’t obvious to others around us as we hadn’t told people at work. I work very closely with him still as we are in the same dept but he has nothing to do with my time off requests/overtime etc. but he’s still in my line of management technically.

YourWildAmberSloth · 07/12/2024 12:11

I met my partner through work - in fact relations were relatively common, there are several marriages that started at work. I would be horrified if senior managers felt the need to check with me (a grown woman) that I was truly consenting to be in this relationship.

housethatbuiltme · 07/12/2024 12:12

Is she being forced to sleep with him as an abuse of power or are they just in a relationship.

I'll be honest you come across really bitter and like your looking for any reason and a going to be the girl that cried wolf which will look terrible on you.

A general rule for life stay out of other peoples relationships/sex lives.

Lavenderblossoms · 07/12/2024 12:13

Keep your bloody nose out you busy body!

Jesus christ, if they are adults and consenting, keep out of their business!

AllTangledUpInTinselAndTiaras · 07/12/2024 12:13

Absolutely none of your business what two people choose to do with each other if it's not explicitly against company policy.

EnidSpyton · 07/12/2024 12:15

If he is her manager, then he should have declared to his line manager and HR that he is sleeping with his direct report. If he hasn't, and is having this relationship without it being openly acknowledged to his own line management and HR, then that is an issue.

In every workplace I've ever been in - and there's been a lot, across several sectors - it has been company policy for any relationships between line managers and direct reports to be declared to HR. It's then up to HR to decide on the appropriate course of action.

It absolutely is not appropriate for a line manager and a direct report to be conducting a relationship without senior management and HR being aware. However, whether that's really what you're worried about, OP, is another issue. I don't see what any of this has to do with him having had an undeserved promotion. The suggestion seems to be that this younger direct report is being taken advantage of in some way - but unless she has directly told you that, then there's nothing for you to whistleblow. The only grounds on which you would have any reason to speak to HR would be if they don't know about this relationship. And by the sounds of it, they're conducting their relationship in the open, so they may well already know.