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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to report a manager for sleeping with someone on his team?

253 replies

OutofIdeas86 · 07/12/2024 10:44

A male colleague recently received a significant, and IMO, undeserved promotion.
For context, I work in the beer industry and around 90% of all staff are male.
99% of all leaders are male.

This colleague, with no managerial experience, no has a large team of about 10 people covering large area of UK.

I spotted during an event on his first week, he seemed very 'close' to a female sales person, who has recently moved in the UK, and reports into him.

I've since found out they are sleeping together.

It's totally inappropriate, immature and an abuse of power - his is older than her, and her manager.

Shall I report it on whistleblowing number?

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 07/12/2024 11:25

OutofIdeas86 · 07/12/2024 11:07

He isn't sales.

He was promoted to managing a large team with no managerial experience.

I think it's relevent because his lack of experience has lead him to sleep with his direct report which is immature and unprofessional IMO.

Sleep with someone at work, fine, but not a direct report- especially in our industry which is rife with sexual harassment!!

Show quote history

Again it's only a problem if there's a policy against it or he's done something inappropriate like force her to sleep with him due to his position or has rewarded her unfairly due to the relationship.

I 100pc agree it's absolutely unprofessional and I would never condone his behaviour but there's nothing to report unless one of the above are true

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 07/12/2024 11:25

Have you so little to keep you occupied at work that you have to be so concerned with the lives of people who work in another part of the business?
Change jobs if it's grating on you this much.

MrsSunshine2b · 07/12/2024 11:25

It's reasonable that you are frustrated and annoyed at sexism in the industry.

It's not reasonable that you've pinned it all on one person who you clearly don't like, and are now trying to use his personal life, which has nothing to do with you, against him.

Whether it would have any impact on his career is dependent on the culture in your particular workplace but relationships between colleagues are not unusual or generally considered to be a problem.

Nofrogslegs · 07/12/2024 11:27

Nothing to do with you OP. Unless it’s explicitly against company rules re sleeping with colleagues.
literally thousands of people up and down the country have/ are/ will sleep with colleagues, some may end up in long term relationships, some may not.
you sound like you’re just on a mission to cause trouble for the male as for whatever reason you have decided you don’t like him. Not your place to decide if he’s suitable for the job and not your place to decide if 2 grown adults are allowed to sleep with each other

LetThereBeLove · 07/12/2024 11:31

I would report him but be prepared for a backlash.

Ihopeyouhavent · 07/12/2024 11:33

Smacks of jealousy to me about the promotion!

Galatine · 07/12/2024 11:33

Nofrogslegs · 07/12/2024 11:27

Nothing to do with you OP. Unless it’s explicitly against company rules re sleeping with colleagues.
literally thousands of people up and down the country have/ are/ will sleep with colleagues, some may end up in long term relationships, some may not.
you sound like you’re just on a mission to cause trouble for the male as for whatever reason you have decided you don’t like him. Not your place to decide if he’s suitable for the job and not your place to decide if 2 grown adults are allowed to sleep with each other

This!!

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 07/12/2024 11:35

This is really none of your business.

bluelavender · 07/12/2024 11:36

It's unpleasant and and abuse of power for him to be sleeping with a direct report and there may be extra factors which make this power balance more significant. It feels unlikely that a company would be content with a manager sleeping with a direct report even if they are normally fine with staff being in a relationship. The company may ultimately become liable if this al ends badly at an employment tribunal. I don't agree that the OP is jealous. I think her feelings are more likely linked to ethical issues

Zyq · 07/12/2024 11:37

Tink3rbell30 · 07/12/2024 10:45

Yes that's gross.

Why?

Zyq · 07/12/2024 11:39

Annabella92 · 07/12/2024 11:03

It's not so much her but that it's unjust to set the example that people are hired for who they have sex with rather than their performance and capability.

Show quote history

Where does OP says this is why either party involved was hired?

Stressfordays · 07/12/2024 11:40

If 2 consenting adults want to sleep with each other, then it is none of your damn business.

daisychain01 · 07/12/2024 11:40

A male colleague recently received a significant, and IMO, undeserved promotion. For context, I work in the beer industry and around 90% of all staff are male.

I just thought it was gross and it pisses me off my company is paying for them to have sex in hotels.

you don't think he deserves his promotion, you don't like the fact most employees are men and you dont like the thought of his privilege giving him access to freeby hotel rooms to be with a female employee.

you need to at least admit to yourself that your motive to report him is based on jealousy. And then decide whether your whistleblowing process is the right approach for reporting him.

daisychain01 · 07/12/2024 11:42

bluelavender · 07/12/2024 11:36

It's unpleasant and and abuse of power for him to be sleeping with a direct report and there may be extra factors which make this power balance more significant. It feels unlikely that a company would be content with a manager sleeping with a direct report even if they are normally fine with staff being in a relationship. The company may ultimately become liable if this al ends badly at an employment tribunal. I don't agree that the OP is jealous. I think her feelings are more likely linked to ethical issues

The OP has openly admitted she's "pissed off" that he gets free hotel rooms.

That's nothing to do with ethics!

Fireworknight · 07/12/2024 11:42

Every manager has had to start somewhere with managing a team. Did other people also go for the position ? Maybe he was the best candidate.

Regarding the relationship, they are both grown adults, unless you think he’s abusing his position of trust .

namechangeGOT · 07/12/2024 11:42

Come on love, you wouldn't be reporting him for being 'immature and unprofessional', you'd be reporting him because you don't like him, think he's undeserving and to try to get him into trouble. Stop playing the 'she's young and just moved here card' too. She's got control of her own genitalia and can have whoever she wants looking at it.

Report them if you must, but at least be honest about your reasons.

Patterncarmen · 07/12/2024 11:44

Mind your own business, OP. If not against company policy, keep your nose out of it.

Mamabear487 · 07/12/2024 11:45

It’s absolutely none of your business

MildredSauce · 07/12/2024 11:45

daisychain01 · 07/12/2024 11:40

A male colleague recently received a significant, and IMO, undeserved promotion. For context, I work in the beer industry and around 90% of all staff are male.

I just thought it was gross and it pisses me off my company is paying for them to have sex in hotels.

you don't think he deserves his promotion, you don't like the fact most employees are men and you dont like the thought of his privilege giving him access to freeby hotel rooms to be with a female employee.

you need to at least admit to yourself that your motive to report him is based on jealousy. And then decide whether your whistleblowing process is the right approach for reporting him.

All what Daisy says, @OutofIdeas86

The key word is "in your own opinion". If you report him based on what you think, rather than what you know you'll be a laughing stock.

Is the relationship against company rules and guidelines - check your handbook
Have you evidence that it has a negative effect on business
Can you demonstrate it impacts you, in your role, directly.

Feels like you have too much of the wrong headspace invested in this. Are you sure you are in the right industry?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 07/12/2024 11:46

No. Why would you? Mind your own business. I can't believe you are even considering this

BodyKeepingScore · 07/12/2024 11:48

I don't believe any of this is your business personally.

Unless there's a specific policy prohibiting this then stay out of it. Whether you think she's immature or naive is irrelevant. They're not being "paid to have sex in hotels". They're in the hotels for work purposes. What they do in their down time is no concern of yours. You're coming across as bitter and jealous.

Isxmasoveryet · 07/12/2024 11:48

Keep out of it they both consenting adults and you are not being zsked to join in so spit out the sour grapes n let them get on with it

DaringLion · 07/12/2024 11:49

You sound jealous

DoYouReally · 07/12/2024 11:49

How does anyone get management experience before their first managerial promotion?

The hotel rooms were paid for anyway. Company is not paying for people to have sex so it's relevant.

If two consenting adults want to sleep with each other and there's no evidence of it being any other than consensual or having an impact on work, what's your issue?

Jeschara · 07/12/2024 11:50

Mind your own business, it is that simple. If he us favouring this woman in anyway, it will be noticed and people will complain, you have no need to do anything.
To be honest you do sound bitter snd jealous.