Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to report a manager for sleeping with someone on his team?

253 replies

OutofIdeas86 · 07/12/2024 10:44

A male colleague recently received a significant, and IMO, undeserved promotion.
For context, I work in the beer industry and around 90% of all staff are male.
99% of all leaders are male.

This colleague, with no managerial experience, no has a large team of about 10 people covering large area of UK.

I spotted during an event on his first week, he seemed very 'close' to a female sales person, who has recently moved in the UK, and reports into him.

I've since found out they are sleeping together.

It's totally inappropriate, immature and an abuse of power - his is older than her, and her manager.

Shall I report it on whistleblowing number?

OP posts:
Didimum · 07/12/2024 12:41

What’s the undeserved promotion got to do with it or his lack of managerial experience got to do with anything? You’ve rather diluted your question, OP, instead of just saying ‘a manager is sleeping with this subordinate – should I report?’

You should then answer the question on what your company policy in relationships is – which you haven’t despite being asked multiple times

Tessasanderson · 07/12/2024 12:42

Wow. Is it against the rules for someone to have a mature, adult relationship with a work colleague now? Yes i know there can be abuses of power etc but in its most sincere form, can a man and a woman not find each other attractive. Treat each other with respect and have a relationship?

The only person who is providing any evidence of it being in any way inappropriate or seedy is the OP.

PureBoggin · 07/12/2024 12:42

His promotion is irrelevant. However, if he is in a position to increase or decrease the amount she is able to able earn by giving or not giving her accounts to work on, or if he is responsible for giving her a promotion etc then they should be disclosing their relationship. This really would protect HER. If she decides she doesn't want to be in the relationship any more he could make her employment precarious.

Solent123 · 07/12/2024 12:42

I think this will back fire on you

Soxersandbocks · 07/12/2024 12:43

'Immature' ???

Wtf 🙄 mind your business

AquaLeader · 07/12/2024 12:43

Corporate policy is what matters here. Is this against corporate policy?

As is already clear, your opinion counts for diddly-squat.

StrikeForever · 07/12/2024 12:45

It’s actually none of your business. Sexual harassment would be, but a relationship between adults is not. It actually sounds as if your feelings about this are very coloured by your (perhaps legitimate) resentment about his promotion.

FancyAReallyLongUsernameJustForAChange · 07/12/2024 12:45

AquaLeader · 07/12/2024 12:43

Corporate policy is what matters here. Is this against corporate policy?

As is already clear, your opinion counts for diddly-squat.

I've asked OP that twice and it's been ignored.

Anotherparkingthread · 07/12/2024 12:46

OutofIdeas86 · 07/12/2024 11:04

I find it crazy that he was promoted, but I work in a very different function so not jealous.
I noticed on a night out they were very close. We work in hospitality/ beer industry and I had taken clients out - so it was inappropriate as they were usual a work 'hosting' event effectively a date.
This week I was urgently trying to get a hotel room in london after an event. I was told by the male I could use the females hotel room - she wouldn't need it as she would be in his room.

I just thought it was gross and it pisses me off my company is paying for them to have sex in hotels.

Not least she is young and just moved to the country.

Show quote history

So she did you a favour and now you're trying to tat out her boyfriend.

Give it a break, you're jealous or unhappy about something in life. Content people don't stock their nose in to this type of thing. They're adults they can do as they like.

Ralphafluffo · 07/12/2024 12:46

Every manager had no managerial experience at some point.

People shag. As long as it’s consensual I don’t see the issue.

User1836484645R · 07/12/2024 12:47

Prisonpillow · 07/12/2024 12:40

Loads of people meet their partners at work 🤷🏼‍♀️

I did. My employer is more than happy to save money on work trips by paying for one room instead of two.

Disturbia81 · 07/12/2024 12:48

Any man who goes for younger women is absolutely fucking grim. Abuse of power or not. I would whistleblow

winterdarkness · 07/12/2024 12:50

They are clearly not been secretive about it and I assume it's not against company policy. You have nothing to report them for!

For all you know, they've also mentioned it to HR. People are allowed consentual relationships whether you agree or not

YOOHOOITSMEEE · 07/12/2024 12:51

how is it your business where he put his dick?

if the other persons consents and is a grown adult what is it to do with you?
i would get it if there's a major age difference(ie a older man preying on a 16-19 y old)

so many people think they have the right to interfere in other peoples lives

keep it out would be your best bet and concentrate on you

and take the mind-ya or nun-ya route on life

CountessWindyBottom · 07/12/2024 12:52

How does this affect you? Really? Seems like you want to report this out of spite or bitterness and reporting it won’t do you any favours whatsoever.

DelicateSoundOfEchos · 07/12/2024 12:53

I think you need to take a step back. Several people have asked what the company policy is on relationships and I don't think you've responded.

If you work in a male dominated company in a male dominated industry, the liklihood (wrongly) is that it is her who will suffer, not him.

Has she alluded to being unhappy? Anyone could shag anyone in a hotel room paid for by work, so I don't think you really have much of a point in all honesty.

And whether he's equipped for the role he's been promoted into also isn't your concern if you work in different functions. And you're very unlikely to have a full view of his skills or experience.

I think you just sound oddly bitter.

LlynTegid · 07/12/2024 12:58

Ralphafluffo · 07/12/2024 12:46

Every manager had no managerial experience at some point.

People shag. As long as it’s consensual I don’t see the issue.

Well I suppose it is different from promoting someone with technical experience who has no people management skills.

If there was a documented interview process you would have difficulty demonstrating that is why the promotion was decided on the basis of a personal relationship.

TheBerry · 07/12/2024 12:58

None of your business. Reporting them is petty and interfering, unless you genuinely believe he’s abusing her in some way.

They are adults, let them conduct their own relationships. Just focus on your own relationships and job and stop thinking about this couple.

Mylifeupsidedown · 07/12/2024 13:03

How do you know that they met, they have clicked and are happy getting to know each other and hoping it leads to more? Just because it’s rife with sexual harassment doesn’t mean every man is like that. He may be actually ok and really respectful towards her and my friends parents met in a similar way with a 30 age gap and they were still together until recently when he passed away they were besotted by each other.
not everyone is bad and he obviously got promoted because someone higher than him see potential and sees something and if it doesn’t work then I’m sure he’ll be first to go!

leave them alone and live your own life

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/12/2024 13:04

In every case I know of where an older man at work is sleeping with a younger woman who he’s managing, when it comes out, it’s always her career thats fucked.

just read the examples on this thread, the man always keeps his job.

Interestedinapathy · 07/12/2024 13:11

Gliblet · 07/12/2024 10:54

Whistleblowing is there for disclosures in the public interest so if you're going to use that mechanism you'll need to be clear about exactly what your concern is in terms of his wider responsibilities (is he in a position of trust as far as people outside the company are concerned, like a teacher or police officer for instance), risk to the public, risk to safeguarding or similar. It's not there because someone's done something you disagree with morally and it's given you the ick, but you don't want to address it with them directly.

And if your company doesn't have a policy barring relationships between staff and management, then 'reporting' turns into 'spreading gossip because I don't like this person and it suits my perspective to believe what I've heard and use it against him' which won't do your own promotion prospects any good longer term.

That is not true. Whistleblowing within the workplace can be for any concern you would like to report whether anonymously or not. Firms will generally have an external helpline that then feeds back into the firm or you contact protect-advice.org.uk/contact-us/

MildredSauce · 07/12/2024 13:12

Disturbia81 · 07/12/2024 12:48

Any man who goes for younger women is absolutely fucking grim. Abuse of power or not. I would whistleblow

Sweeping statement. But hey, don't let the absence of facts get in the way, eh?

Disturbia81 · 07/12/2024 13:16

@MildredSauce Absence of facts? You mean if it isn't happening? Well if it isn't happening then he's not one of these grim men I'm referring to. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Jostuki · 07/12/2024 13:24

Yes it's an abuse of power. Once again a woman is using the power between her legs of sleeping with her work superior to get ahead.

It's a tale as old as the hills.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 07/12/2024 13:24

It gives me the ick too. However, pp have made excellent points

  • what is company policy on relationships
  • does the relationship predate the promotion
  • if you are right that he got the promotion through favouritism, he will have protection
  • even if you are right, this can still affect your job prospects

This is a proceed with caution situation.
Btw, a team of 10 is not a “large” team. My first managerial position was over a team of 12. So, not having managerial experience before taking on a team of 10 sounds normal to me.