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Original poster

...to report a manager for sleeping with someone on his team?

253 replies

OutofIdeas86 · 07/12/2024 10:44

A male colleague recently received a significant, and IMO, undeserved promotion.
For context, I work in the beer industry and around 90% of all staff are male.
99% of all leaders are male.

This colleague, with no managerial experience, no has a large team of about 10 people covering large area of UK.

I spotted during an event on his first week, he seemed very 'close' to a female sales person, who has recently moved in the UK, and reports into him.

I've since found out they are sleeping together.

It's totally inappropriate, immature and an abuse of power - his is older than her, and her manager.

Shall I report it on whistleblowing number?

OP posts:
showersandflowers · 11/12/2024 15:44

It happens. DH and I were sleeping together when he was my manager and I was his subordinate. No one "knew" but a lot of people guessed. One person even reported us, although nothing came of it. I was the only woman in an all-male team so it was very similar.

In our case, it was definitely not an abuse of power. I was always in control... still am 😝

showersandflowers · 11/12/2024 15:45

... I should say that was before we were married! Married 10 years now though.

Killjoy124 · 11/12/2024 16:45

Id just like to say I don't think OP is jealous, everyone was jumping on you and I don't think it was necessary

Original poster
OutofIdeas86 · 11/12/2024 22:23

I'm absolutely not jealous. His promotion still makes him (very) junior to me.

I think he's quite a manipulative character and very good at building a work persona - which i find disarming.

For example, we have a casual dress code - jeans and trainers - he wears a full suit, everyday.

I think he thinks being 'corporate' is wearing a grey suit. I think being corporate is not shagging the most junior person on your team 2 weeks into your new job.

OP posts:
Miri13 · 12/12/2024 00:18

It’s none of your business.

alibongo5 · 12/12/2024 00:31

OMG! He wears a suit when others wear jeans!

maltravers · 12/12/2024 00:32

In my day (it was a while back!) relationships with work colleagues were pretty normal, although you had to be discreet. I understand why this is considered dangerous by companies, and why there are policies against it (potential power imbalance) but I don’t really get why people consider it as gross.

healthybychristmas · 12/12/2024 00:38

I think you should report it actually. She is a direct report. However he's obviously on someone's side because he got that promotion so make sure you report it to someone other than that person.

maltravers · 12/12/2024 00:57

It all feels a bit Stasi-like, the need or wish to inform on others, so that they will be punished.

TrishM80 · 12/12/2024 01:24

So he very kindly offered you a hotel room when you had nowhere to stay in London, and this is how you repay him?!

You sound unhinged, seriously.

Edingril · 12/12/2024 01:32

OutofIdeas86 · 11/12/2024 22:23

I'm absolutely not jealous. His promotion still makes him (very) junior to me.

I think he's quite a manipulative character and very good at building a work persona - which i find disarming.

For example, we have a casual dress code - jeans and trainers - he wears a full suit, everyday.

I think he thinks being 'corporate' is wearing a grey suit. I think being corporate is not shagging the most junior person on your team 2 weeks into your new job.

You are obsessed by him, let me guess you will say 'no i am not he came into work wearing underpants now he thinks he is Superman'

SallyWD · 12/12/2024 07:26

OutofIdeas86 · 11/12/2024 22:23

I'm absolutely not jealous. His promotion still makes him (very) junior to me.

I think he's quite a manipulative character and very good at building a work persona - which i find disarming.

For example, we have a casual dress code - jeans and trainers - he wears a full suit, everyday.

I think he thinks being 'corporate' is wearing a grey suit. I think being corporate is not shagging the most junior person on your team 2 weeks into your new job.

So what if he wears a suit? My God.

SquashedSquashess · 12/12/2024 07:41

You are clearly using your dislike of this man to justify reporting him, OP.

I think sleeping with colleagues is unprofessional, but obviously not a crime. It’s their responsibility to declare it, if required by any workplace policies. Keep your sticky beak out of it.

And try to work on letting go of your animosity, it will just eat away at you.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 12/12/2024 07:43

None of this is any of your business.

I also don't imagine they are going to their hotel room at 3pm to shag. I.e. If they are sleeping together they're doing it outside of hours! Why do you care?

If they are being that open about it then HR will already have caught wind. You won't be bringing a bombshell piece of news to them.

Just get on with your job and never mind who is sleeping with who.

rainydays03 · 12/12/2024 07:45

That’s a few times now you’ve mentioned how ‘junior’ or ‘beneath’ you somebody is - how is that relevant?

IkeaJesusChrist · 12/12/2024 08:21

So fucking what, it's still none of your business.

rwalker · 12/12/2024 08:43

OutofIdeas86 · 11/12/2024 22:23

I'm absolutely not jealous. His promotion still makes him (very) junior to me.

I think he's quite a manipulative character and very good at building a work persona - which i find disarming.

For example, we have a casual dress code - jeans and trainers - he wears a full suit, everyday.

I think he thinks being 'corporate' is wearing a grey suit. I think being corporate is not shagging the most junior person on your team 2 weeks into your new job.

Your not coming across well the fact you seem very invested in someone junior and nothing to do with you now resorting to what he wears got bullying vibes to me

SurelySmartie · 12/12/2024 08:50

OutofIdeas86 · 11/12/2024 22:23

I'm absolutely not jealous. His promotion still makes him (very) junior to me.

I think he's quite a manipulative character and very good at building a work persona - which i find disarming.

For example, we have a casual dress code - jeans and trainers - he wears a full suit, everyday.

I think he thinks being 'corporate' is wearing a grey suit. I think being corporate is not shagging the most junior person on your team 2 weeks into your new job.

😮 You seem quite fixated on him.

Amanduh · 12/12/2024 11:11

He id nothing to do with you, he hasn’t done anything wrong except get a promotion which is absolutely nothing to do with who he’s shagging. At first I thought you were going to say he slept his way to a promotion.
Now you care what he wears as well?
You’re obsessed with him, it’s weird

MildredSauce · 12/12/2024 12:20

OutofIdeas86 · 11/12/2024 22:23

I'm absolutely not jealous. His promotion still makes him (very) junior to me.

I think he's quite a manipulative character and very good at building a work persona - which i find disarming.

For example, we have a casual dress code - jeans and trainers - he wears a full suit, everyday.

I think he thinks being 'corporate' is wearing a grey suit. I think being corporate is not shagging the most junior person on your team 2 weeks into your new job.

"I think, I think" but what do you KNOW @OutofIdeas86 ?

It's all very subjective, isn't it? And if you are that much senior to him with tons of management and leadership experience under your belt, you should fecking well know how to be professional, objective and focussed on what's relevant - what's your business, and what's not.

If I had to guess, I'd place you in an accounts and finance role.....

Bfmamma · 12/12/2024 13:01

I find it bizarre that this bothers you so much. As long as they are both consenting adults and blue harming anyone, what does it matter?

StiffyByngsDogBartholomew · 12/12/2024 13:07

i worked in hospitality for two decades. This is a tale as old as time and given that many couples meet at work I can't see what you think the issue is. Or do you think every member of staff should date someone of their own pay grade abd age ? Presumably they are consenting adults and as such I think you should MYOB.
It just seems to me that you don't like him. Fine but that's where it should stop, not this childish desire to "report" him. Unless you have very clear company guidelines that have been broken I'm not sure what you think you're reporting him for.

to be honest I'm not quite sure why the dating habits of someone so junior to you, that you don't like, bother you so much.

FelixtheAardvark · 12/12/2024 13:26

I worked at a firm where the Partner responsible for our team was married to a member of it. They met at work. Both were adults over the age of consent so it had nothing to do with the Firm.

If you do report it, don't be surprised if the only outcome is to ruin your career with the company.

SallyWD · 12/12/2024 15:31

Why do you care that he got promoted and is having a relationship with a colleague? It's literally nothing to do with you.

Cosyblankets · 14/12/2024 16:10

OutofIdeas86 · 11/12/2024 22:23

I'm absolutely not jealous. His promotion still makes him (very) junior to me.

I think he's quite a manipulative character and very good at building a work persona - which i find disarming.

For example, we have a casual dress code - jeans and trainers - he wears a full suit, everyday.

I think he thinks being 'corporate' is wearing a grey suit. I think being corporate is not shagging the most junior person on your team 2 weeks into your new job.

So now what he wears as well as who he sleeps with is your business.
No it isn't
Just get on with your own job
You said yourself it's not your team etc so if either of them messes up it won't affect you in the slightest
Mind your own

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