Does everyone feel like this a lot as they get older?

[Hunkkp]

Or is it not that common and I need help?!

I don’t know how to explain it well, but I am basically quite often a mildly angry, frustrated and irritated woman. I can be perfectly pleasant and believe that’s how I come across most of the time as describe me as positive and upbeat and kind…. But inside I’m rarely these things!!!

Honestly, so many things make me angry inside. Bad service, traffic, the weather! I’m a miserable git. I didn’t used to be so pessimistic. Is this just life?

Why did you think these women were my friends?

They weren't.

They were just women that I got talking to in a variety of places.

Through Work. Through Groups. One was in a choir that I was in.

They said they felt really awful getting into their forties as their looks weren't the same and they felt insecure.

Did you miss where I said I'm in my forties myself?

It absolutely is a HUGE factor in people our age.

A lot of women get angry because they are no longer the youngest and prettiest woman in the room.

I've always been absolutelt determined not to repeat the cycle of bullying. And I have never been nasty to a younger woman.

I would really appeal to women in their forties and fifties on here to be nice to younger women.

As I remembe my whole entire young life being absolutely ruined by older women.

We've all got to be a bit kinder to women

Tiny bits of it and yes it feels hormonal BUT I think it also depends on life experience.. I've lost so many people death wise that I can keep myself in check and let calm wash over me, because it's not worth feeling like that.
If I hadn't gone through this then yes I think I'd feel more ragey and less able to keep it at bay. It feels like puberty again 😂

So, are YOU one of them?
Or are you just as pretty as you were 20 years ago, and therefore not angry at caring for children and aging parents at the same time? Are you as pretty as you were 20 years ago, so being overlooked for promotions is okay, because you're just as pretty as you've always been? Are you still pretty, so being paid less than the blokes is okay? Are you still pretty, so it doesn't matter that the car salesman speaks to your husband rather than you?

Eh about the car salesman speaking to a husband?

If I go to buy a car, I go and buy it by myself.

Oh God I thought it was just me! 😆 (Mid to late 50s here.)

Not only all of what you say @Hunkkp but also I can't be bothered with socialising very much or having anyone around my house. I don't mind popping out for a coffee or a pub lunch and meeting on neutral ground (where I can leave/get away when I want.)

But when someone's at my house I hate it because I don't know when I'm going to get rid of them! 😬I just CANNOT be bothered with people (Both DD are excluded obviously and can stay as long as they like!)

I never used to be like this. My teens to my late 40s I was very sociable and loved being with loads of people (and didn't mind having people around.)

I kind of sometimes feel like I want to join a social group or a hobby group again. I used to be part of them, and was for the first 6 or 7 years I was in this village (Been here about 11.) Everything stopped during lockdown, and much of it didn't restart, but even though some stuff did restart, I honestly can't be arsed.

I'm not anti-people/anti-human, but some people just annoy me. Every group I have been in, there has always been someone who is a bit of a cunt. Gobby, always needs everyone to hear their opinions, and bitchy. Making comments about various things. My job, my DC, my home, my DH, my DH's job, all sorts.. Questions and judgements and comments. Some people are just nosey, opinionated, and judgemental, and catty. Some are just arseholes.

I was at a Christmas market in the Church last weekend, and was chatting to a nice quiet lady from the Church, and this one woman from the next street, barges up and cuts me off and said loudly 'HELLO MAY! A HOW ARE YOU? HOW'S YOUR SON?' Just ignored me, turned her back on me and didn't even acknowledge me. I just walked off and didn't speak. ''May' looked awkward and watched me as I walked off. I know it wasn't her fault, but she should really have said 'sorry Julie I'm just speaking to this lady. Be with you in a few minutes.'

Then another woman (5 minutes later) marched up to me and another woman I was chatting to, and said to me 'I see you out for a walk every day, you're ALWAYS out aren't you, tootling around the paths and woodlands!' and burst out laughing, like there was something fucking funny about it. I said 'errr yeah I do like my walks.' And I was like She shook her head and laughed and said 'what are you like?!' like I'd said something stupid. Just 2 examples of people behaving like cunts. I have many more. Including spiteful underhand comments from people when I'm out in a group socialising.

Most people are OK, but there's enough arseholes for me to not want to mix with people, and every single 'group' I have been in has had at least one or two complete and utter arseholes, who are loud and opinionated and obnoxious.

I wish I had the courage to say 'why are you such a cunt?' And I wish I'd said to the woman who cut me off when I was talking to May 'do you mind?! I am TALKING to this lady. How rude are YOU.' Fuck off!'

Yep. I'm 59 and I've made the decision to stop putting people first, who don't give a shit about me, family included ( especially family!!) Once I'd done that, and accepted that I can't do it all, and I can just focus on the people and things that are important to me, I calmed down a bit. I refuse to let people trample on my boundaries now, and I'm happier for it.

😂Fukkin hell!

Honestly, I don’t think I’d have given either interaction a second thought, other than ‘X has the social skills of a chimp’. Why not act at the time, rather than fester with suppressed fury about it afterwards or turn it into a reason for never engaging either anyone outside your household ever again! I mean, you would only be inviting friends or family whose company you enjoy to your house, I assume, rather than randoms you don’t like?

You're projecting a LOT of issues throughout this thread ... Have you spoken to someone about this?

YOU are the only one who sounds very angry and bitter on this thread ...

Sounds like YOU are the one who jealous and threatened by younger, prettier women.

Are you OK. ???

.

Hahaha.

"Have you spoken to someone about this ".

So utterly predictable.

There should be a mumsnet bingo card game.

Someone always always says to someone that they disagree with

"Have you considered getting therapy".

They try to reduce what the poster is saying, by calling them mentally ill. I've seen it on loads of threads. It's nasty and disgusting.

Instead of just saying "I disagree with you".

Bless you @Farimatafa You take care of yourself love.

And what a ridiculous post

How can someone "project about issues " on a public chat forum.

You do realise that is what a chat forum is for, yes?

Its here for people to talk about our own lives.

Like all the other posters on this thread have done

Wow didn’t realise I was an odd one out.

I’m the other way. The older I get the more chilled I feel about things. Don’t sweat the small stuff and all that.

You have to let go of those feelings, or they will make you sick. All the best.

Why cherry pick just that bit? I don't want this thread to turn into a therapy session for you, but your posts show that being perceived as pretty is clearly very important to your emotional wellbeing, and you're projecting a lot of your fears of losing that onto others.

Women's responsibilities grow as we and our families age. Caring for aging parents at the same time as caring for children is agony. Being pretty is irrelevant when you've a father with alzheimers who needs you and a child with autism who needs you.

Pretty is ephemeral.

That's nice. I'm glad that you feel good.

In in my early 60s. The menopause is in the distant past but it was easy enough. Didn't need any support or HRT.

I'm extraordinarily laid back nowadays. When I was younger I could be anxious and controlling. Nowadays very little bothers me. Inefficiency, bad driving, long queues, all water off a ducks back.

On the rare occasions that something riles me I speak up now. I'll write to a company or express dissatisfaction in the moment. It's not loud or dramatic - I will say I'm not happy with X because Y and that's the end of it. If it can be fixed or there's a compromise, that's great. If not, I'll remove myself from the situation and not return. I am no longer inclined to sort out other people's dramas.

Hi.

Yes we can talk about those other things too.

Not every woman has children.

You do have children.

I'm sorry that you feel overwhelmed with caring responsibilities.

What's happening with your dad. Are you the only person looking after him?

Does he have carers going in to him, to help you.

👏

@Farimatafa

I think it has more to do with how much women of our age end up having to juggle.
As well as kids, perimenopause, and all the rest, we often have the care of our elderly (and often sick) relatives, still paying the mortgage and finding there aren't enough hours in the day to do anything to rebalance how we feel.
How I look is literally the last thing on my mind, and the one good thing about that is not giving a monkey's about it/realising there are more important things to think about.
I'm actually enjoying feeling that pressure to present myself a certain way slip off my shoulders.
You seem strangely insistent that older women share a collective bitterness towards young women because they are no longer young themselves, but that's absolute projection.
You're ignoring all the positives that come with ageing and ascribing some pretty unpleasant personality traits to total strangers!

I find the general state of the world depresses me too, especially the increase in violence against women and girls etc.
FWIW, I've never treated young women in the way you describe, and most (probably not a single one...) older women that I know don't behave like the evil Queen from Snow White!

She wrote about something that she doenst have to do though.

While it it a lovely thing to do.

You don't HAVE to look after your elderly parents.

They can get a carer.