Does everyone feel like this a lot as they get older?

[Hunkkp]

Or is it not that common and I need help?!

I don’t know how to explain it well, but I am basically quite often a mildly angry, frustrated and irritated woman. I can be perfectly pleasant and believe that’s how I come across most of the time as describe me as positive and upbeat and kind…. But inside I’m rarely these things!!!

Honestly, so many things make me angry inside. Bad service, traffic, the weather! I’m a miserable git. I didn’t used to be so pessimistic. Is this just life?

We all lose optimism as we get older because we've experienced too much.

Re: weather - that stuff just affects people in mid life more. We have things that must be done. At 22 on a crap weather day you just stay indoors and think no more about it. Same with public service delivery; it's because you're using those services. There are far more opportunities to get annoyed.

Oh op, you are absolutely not alone.
Perimenopause has turned me into a right miserable bitch 🤣
Everything pisses me off, and woe betide any door handle that catches onto my clothing as I walk through, it’ll feel the full force of my wrath 🤣

I can’t take HRT, so my poor DH has got no choice but to ride the rollercoaster with me.

Completely the opposite. Maybe due to menopause, maybe due to life in my 50s being so much better. Maybe because I now have the time and resources to take care of myself and know what I need to do to keep my physical and mental health on track. Probably all three. My anger is now only triggered by the big external serious stuff. If you queue jump or are 10 minutes late, drink the last of the coffee or say the wrong thing about my new curtains..oh well.

I agree with this, I reached the point where I realised how pointless, destructive and self-defeating it was to feel like this and started making a conscious effort to be more positive. I’m not claiming that I never get angry any more, but I’ve got a lot better at focusing on the positive and moving on, and I’m much happier for it.

Also, a bit of this

This.

People at work always remark how calm I am and how I don't let things get to me but it's taken me a long time to get to this stage. Previously I was an angry wee wummin 😂

It seems like those in their 40s are agreeing with the OP’s statement and those in their 60shave moved on from it? Speaking broadly. So it does seem hormonal. I feel like I’ve been in a bad mood since my first child was born in my mid 30s. Went from baby-related knackered was on to 40s hormonal rage it seems. I definitely need to find my zen somehow….

May I ask if you’re in your late 50s/60s?

I reorganised my life, moved house etc. Now I don't have to deal with a long commute, bad traffic or a lazy partner. I wasn't prepared to spend the next 40 years tolerating mindless things.

I don't mind the weather though. Life is good. I'm 60. 🤗

I second this. The same thing happened to me four years ago, I was so irritable and it was Graves Disease (triggered by Covid). Thankfully 18 months of medication got it under control.

Yep, I said exactly that to the endocrinologist about the tired/wired thing. It's a complete head fuck of a feeling isn't it😅

I think hormones are partly responsible. But it also needs to be remembered that typically life for a woman in her 40s can be very hard. If you're juggling job, children, maybe helping parents out, you will likely be a lot more tired and stressed than older women who have their lives back, so to speak. I have very little to worry about these days. I've earned my stripes in my job, nothing more to prove. DC are adults. More time and money. If it rains today, I've the flexibility to do it tomorrow, or do something else entirely.

I’ve noticed I’m frustrated by the general deterioration of society, there’s next to no manners, no pride, no courtesy, no empathy. Perhaps those of us 35+ women and men who remember life before social media find it frustrating navigating this modern world. Things are uneasy when they should be far more simple or they used to be far more simple.

Of course, I'm 54.

Welcome to Middle Age and perimenopause. 😬 Try and find some coping mechanisms, that will help with your MH as it's very unpleasant feeling grouchy all the time.

I found it helpful to let stuff go that I cannot influence. I pop it in my fuckit bucket and move on. I also do a guided meditation practice which sounds woo, but has really changed my approach to things too. Learning to breathe and empty your mind is very powerful and calming.

Find your thing and life will improve.

I'm 50 and I don't feel this way myself. I've noticed that DH is grumpier than he used to be though!

You are in the wrong place on the age related happiness curve OP. It does get better.

I was like this in my mid to late 50’s. I retired at 61 and now I can honestly say I hardly ever feel that way. It was a combination of menopause and my job.

I think I have improved with age (53), I am basically an optimist anyway but did have a lot more anger than I do now. Divorce helped a lot, also learning other coping strategies like just indulging myself in the occasional self destructive anger bender for a very limited time. Then shaking myself off and getting back on track. Prioritising self care is really important to me these days.

I have been like this since very young, but had to put a mask on to survive.
Now at 45, I don't need anyone to burden me with their shit.
YANBU.

I’m much calmer.

Other people are much worse than they used to be.

No, the opposite. In fact i dont care about anything! Putin about to drop a bomb? Who cares. Christmas tat to buy? I’ll get round to it, maybe. What’s for tea? Whatever! I really just dont give a toss about anything these days, it’s very liberating mostly!

I’m the opposite. I’ve gotten much more patient and good natured with age. Realising that everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions (including me!), therapy and gratefulness for simply being alive (when so people I know who are my age have passed) and good health have made me much more easygoing and happy.

Are you now a douce auld wifie?! 😁

Yeah, I've noticed my DH becoming a testy old man as the testosterone drops... but one day I realised what a life-suck that was, and that I didn't need to take on the emotional contagion, and now I strive to be more sanguine and LAUGH a lot... Meditation helps, also trying to practice gratitude and model calm.

Still have my moments though... 😏

Yep. By late 30s, early 40s, most women have absorbed as much of other peoples shit as they can take. Now it's time to start chucking it back at the fuckers.

50s is the decade of saying "no. I matter too."