Increasingly hate sitting next to people

[Woollypullover]

and I don't know why.

Is anyone else like this? I'm BU and should be comfortable sitting next to people, shouldn't I? I never used to be like this.

This coming week, I wish I could avoid a trip to the theatre and lunch with a group in a restaurant because I don't want to sit next to anyone.

I even make excuses and turn up late, so I can sit on the end.

I'm BU aren't I?

Me too OP. YANBU other people are gross

Sitting next to people is awful, it always has been. I have no idea why our society has been set up to force people to give up their personal space in so many settings.

I think to some degree most or at least a lot of us feel similarly.

I don’t particularly like it either and if I have an option I won’t but it wouldn’t not do something nice to avoid it even if that means I’m not completely comfortable.

the issue though is you need to start pushing past that or seek help from a therapist because it is starting to adversely affect your life.

Including you?

I completely understand. It puts me off flying or going on a train. For me it’s the fear that they will be ill. I think it’s worse since the pandemic.

Gross? In what way ?

You are all other people to someone. What makes you so special?

Have you thought about getting help for this?

This isn’t normal.

Do you include friends and family?

I you mean strangers, I kind of understand. I’d rather sit by myself on a train or bus. On trains, I usually make a bee-line for single seats, or pay for first class / standard premium for longer journeys if it’s not significantly more expensive (more individual seats).

i dont mind, if needs be then its one of those, however on a bench of people i do prefer to be able to use the toilet asy, but other than that im used to people

How can you navigate normal life without coming into contact with other people? It's not normal and you need help to overcome that fear.

You'll get a few people on this thread who will come on to normalize it.

But no, it's not normal at all.

Especially to the degree that it's spoiling your theatre trips and restaurant visits.

it's much nicer doing stuff in the US because there's so much more space.

went to a theatre show in vegas, the seats in front were so far ahead i couldn't stretch and reach them, and so wide two of me would have fitted in the seat.

meanwhile in the royal albert hall if you're sitting in the circle you can see the fillings of the person 2 seats over and even as a shortie im contorted into place and my bum has gone numb 15 mins in.

Oh I hate plane travel when you have to sit next to a stranger. You're just so squashed in close to them. It feels all kinds of wrong. Especially if you need to go to sleep and it's a strange bloke next to you and you have a window (or worse - a middle one!). There is no other situation in life that I can think of where you would be happy to put yourself in such a vulnerable state in such close proximity to a totally unknown member of the opposite sex.

I suppose you could pay for three seats at the theatre so you could have an empty seat each side of you. 😉

I only felt this when I went to the cinema recently. It just felt invasive to try and relax with people sitting so close I could smell their snacks.

And they could smell yours.

You know people are interesting to talk to?

Definitely feel this way about strangers. I was in a hospital waiting room a couple of weeks ago, huge area with half the chairs empty and a woman came and sat next to me. Then played loud videos on her phone. Why?

The world's population is only going to increase, so you should probably get used to being close to people.

@Woollypullover "This coming week, I wish I could avoid a trip to the theatre and lunch with a group in a restaurant because I don't want to sit next to anyone."

so why did you arrange to go? This isn't public transport that people use as no other choice.

I think I should give up mumsnet as a New Year resolution. This is peak ...something.

But presumably the lunch at least, and possibly the theatre too will involve you sitting next to your friends or family, not random strangers? Why do you hate it so much?

No, I’m a delight

I have severe misophonia and really struggle sitting next to people, it’s not just strangers but family and friends as well.

I haven’t been to the cinema for years, pay extra for emergency exit or extra leg room plane seats and would prefer to stand rather then sit next to someone on a train.

I have always suffered with it but in recent years I’ve noticed that people don’t have the same manners or respect for other people any more.

The worst things I encounter are:
People constantly play videos or music on phones without headphones - or games with annoying beeping and repetitive sounds.
I’ve come across people vaping indoors when it’s prohibited several times with no one stopping them.
Loud speaker phone conversations, when did this become so common?
Throat clearing or sniffing.
Tapping on things or drumming feet or any other annoying repetitive movement/sounds.

The things that I know are my problem and that I try to tolerate more are:
Heavy breathing,
People who stink, especially of wet dog, stale cigarettes, BO, botty or sweaty fanny (or as Sarah Millican puts it LDF - long day fanny 😂)
Eating smelly or noisy food or packets that rustle. Drink slurping,
farting and burping and many many more.

I don’t know why but I’ve also noticed that you can sit somewhere with plenty of room and extra seats but there is always someone that chooses to sit right next to you or near you anyway.

If your problem is related to any of these OP have you tried loop earplugs? They work wonders at blocking out sounds, there isn’t much you can do about smells unfortunately!

I feel guilty getting up and moving away from people sometimes but the feelings of anxiety and rage are just too strong. It it’s someone having a loud conversation on speakerphone then I usually don’t bother to hide that they have annoyed me, if it’s someone clicking a pen absently or just breathing a bit heavy then I try to make it look like I’m moving for a reason.

It does have a big impact on life and if you can find a root cause and get help for it then I’d look into it. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing but DP is autistic and struggles with the same things as me for sensory reasons. At least we have a good understanding of each other and don’t get offended if we irritate each other and are very aware of our own noises that might trigger our reactions.

People are annoying and as others have pointed out you probably are to them as well. I think it’s becoming more and more common that people are struggling to tolerate each other and as a pp pointed out, the population is growing so we are all stuck together with the lack of space ever decreasing.
I think it’s normal to be annoyed if a stranger sits next to you on a train in an empty carriage eating egg sandwiches, if you are uncomfortable sitting next to friends in a restaurant though then I’d be trying to get help for that before you end up isolating yourself.