Increasingly hate sitting next to people

[Woollypullover]

and I don't know why.

Is anyone else like this? I'm BU and should be comfortable sitting next to people, shouldn't I? I never used to be like this.

This coming week, I wish I could avoid a trip to the theatre and lunch with a group in a restaurant because I don't want to sit next to anyone.

I even make excuses and turn up late, so I can sit on the end.

I'm BU aren't I?

Oh FFS. You are all such precious flowers. Cancel everything and stay at home then.

So everyone was immpeccably mannered in ye olden days, which era specifically? Victorian? Medieval? These times are probably the most civilised we've ever lived through.

I don't think people have got smellier. I think people have just become massively over-sensitive to the point that they are physically repulsed by normal smells. Hence the (unhealthy) use of air fresheners, highly-scented disinfectants etc. When you have come to expect places and people to smell actively 'fresh' (i.e. artificially scented), the normal, neutral-ish human smell starts to seem offensive. Yes, I know some people do actually smell bad, but that's not a new thing at all, and it won't actually harm you. It's not that long ago, relatively speaking, that people only used to bathe once a week!

Or at all

Not to mention hideously over scented laundry detergents, fabric conditioners and and stuff on top of that to make it smell even stronger.

I don't think any of that is new apart from the gadgets. Foods have a smell. They always have done. If you can cope with being in a restaurant full of food smells, sitting next to a companion who is eating, why is it so hard to be somewhere else where there are food smells? Food doesn't automatically become yucky and smelly just because it's in a different space. Imo people have become much more hygiene-conscious, not less.

Thats not a new problem, the victorians were crazy about perfumes, as a means of disguising bad smells

Am I the only one who, when on a bus sits praying no one will sit next to them, then when the bus is full and the only seat is next to me people would rather stand wonder what is wrong with me?

Do I have a 'fuck off' face? Do I smell? Do I look like I smell?

Contrary? Moi? 😂😂

Yes but now there aren’t really any bad smells to disguise, that’s the point. We have easy access to hot water, soap and detergents which really don’t need to be as highly scented as they are.

Whatever about strangers, it's really not normal to not want to sit next to your friends and family.

You do realise people that know how to drive and do drive also take public transport.

Also, the last thing needed is more cars on the road.

OP, are you used to people encroaching into your personal space whether intentional or not and not felt able to say anything?

Worrying it is. And more worrying is the justifying abnormal behaviours with statements like - people are gross ☹️.

Some are, some aren't, but we must all exist together, not hide ourselves away.

DH and I own our own small business and have a retail area open to the public. What infuriates me is when people come in with streaming colds/coughs and seem obsessed with being in your personal space - it's just the two of us and so if we catch something, we're screwed. I would hastily add that I'm not germ phobic and don't have health anxiety - but I am type 2 diabetic and am currently on antibiotics with a horrid chest infection thanks to the customer that brought it in to us 2 weeks ago. I had hoped that some lessons from the pandemic would stay in people's minds but nope, it's back to "me me me, I have to go out whether I'm unwell or not". No wonder the NHS is floundering. I've stayed at home all week because I don't want to pass this onto anyone, it's a nasty virus.

I'm not obsessed with driving. I was merely offering a solution.
The other options are to cycle or stay at home.

I am always astonished by the number of people who say they hate people but never consider that they are also people. One would think that every poster on here is Grace Kelly, fragrant, groomed, refined...

@JohnTheRevelator
Ah,I wondered how long it would be before a comment like this appeared! What is this Mumsnet obsession with driving?!

I don't think the comment was said out of an obsession with driving - but more that so many posters are struggling with coming into contact with other people when using public transport.

How is it an 'obsession with driving' to suggest that people who can't cope with being on public transport might be better off driving? Do you have a better solution?

There are plenty of people on MN that think it's fine to only wash any part of your body twice a week apart from your face. I certainly wouldn't want to be sitting right next to one of these types. However much they insist they don't smell, they will do.

No, YANBU, OP.
I cannot wait for some people to go away from my life, so I can become a happy recluse.
Virtual people are alright.
Been like this since I can remember.

And yet until relatively recently this was totally the norm and nobody would have regarded 'person unwashed for 3 days smell' as unpleasant or in any way unacceptable. It's not a question of whether people smell or don't smell. Everyone smells of something. Incidentally, I'm not saying this defensively. I shower every morning, wash my hair every day, wear deodorant and perfume etc. I just don't feel repulsed if everyone doesn't smell freshly showered. There's a big difference between that and a bad B.O. smell, for example.

There are also plenty of clean freaks who think it’s gross not to shower at least once a day and that you need to scour yourself like a dirty saucepan otherwise you will STINK.

I think the pandemic taught us that other people are best avoided wherever possible. Lockdown was a revelation. Have avoided public places ever since.

Do you accept though that, overall, it is not good for the human race to be increasingly retreating into their individual, virtual shells? It seems very dystopian to me.

I realise the irony that I'm here chatting online to a bunch of online people I don't know. However, I happen to also be spending a week staying with a family in another country, accompanying an exchange group of teenagers who have also been brave enough to spend a week staying in a family they don't know, in another country, who speak a different language. Yesterday they were absolutely crammed into an underground train with no room to move! The Exchange is a fantastic cultural experience for them, but we may have to stop running them, as fewer and fewer are brave enough to go. When I was their age, it was the norm to go on an exchange. Few schools offer them now.

Meant to add - I actually wonder how many adults would cope with doing this now, never mind teenagers.