Increasingly hate sitting next to people

[Woollypullover]

and I don't know why.

Is anyone else like this? I'm BU and should be comfortable sitting next to people, shouldn't I? I never used to be like this.

This coming week, I wish I could avoid a trip to the theatre and lunch with a group in a restaurant because I don't want to sit next to anyone.

I even make excuses and turn up late, so I can sit on the end.

I'm BU aren't I?

I didn’t get the message that other people are dirty and dangerous and will make you sick during covid though. I understood that there was a novel virus my body didn’t know how to fight and for which there wasn’t a good treatment (for most of it) so I should avoid catching it or passing it on. The way to do that was to stay away from people. I never thought the people were dirty (odd) or dangerous or making me sick. It was covid. Which we can now treat better and I against which I have some immunity.

Well yes, that's what happens when you have a variety of people on a big forum. It's unlikely to be the same people saying those two things. MN isn't a hive mind.

I think the wording has been exaggerated slightly here - the messaging wasn't that people were "dirty" or "dangerous". But they do spread diseases, of varying severities. The lived experience/revelation of lockdown was that by not mixing with other people I didn't get ill at all, with anything for a whole year. It was wonderful, I felt wonderful, I was actually able to function happily throughout the winter, rather than dragging myself through it in a haze of Vicks and paracetamol, as in all previous years. And I realised that I didn't actually miss any of the things that required close proximity to other people, so why revert to the previous status quo?
Everything in life is a trade off. Some things are unavoidable. But where there is a choice, one has to decide if the benefits outweigh the costs. There are very few things that I can think of that I would actually want/choose to do, which require being in close proximity to other people. So on balance, life has improved now that in-person interactions are kept to a minimum. Other people may see the trade off differently. I wasn't previously a particularly sociable person anyway - I never went on holidays or out with friends or anything like that, so perhaps less of a lifestyle change than one may imagine. The only main changes were working from home instead of in an office, (so also no train commute and no eating lunch with work colleagues) and no theatre trips. And consequently much less of the year spent ill.

I guess we are all different. A life without theatre, or meals out, or visiting new places, or laughing round a table with friends doesn’t seem like a life to me. Are you receiving treatment for your immune issues? Not a PA comment - if you were that ill from minimal contact with people it’s not right.

I don't think I have any particular immune issues. I used to commute on a train and work in an office. I, and pretty much everyone around me, used to be coughing and sneezing from September through to April. Every cold turned into a cough which lasted weeks. Did go to the GP for a few particularly long lasting ones and they just said it was "post viral cough". Would never fully recover from one before the next one arrived. Just a thoroughly unpleasant way to spend months of every year. And really not worth it for the sake of a couple of hours in a theatre or restaurant here and there.

I do mix with other people. I go to the gym several times a week. I travel on trains. I go to theatres and concerts. I sit in crowds at football matches. I attend conferences. Apart from one not very serious case of covid I haven't had so much as a cold for at least eight years. There's something going on with someone who gets so ill every year from normal social contact.

I’d say that’s really unusual levels of illness which I’d want investigated. I was a teacher, so spent the winter locked up with hundreds of teenagers. Rare for me or anyone else to have more than 2 cough/cold/chest episodes a year. It’s impacted your life and is stopping you living in what most would call a normal way (regardless of whether you really want to or not - you can’t, is the point). It needs dealing with.
It’s not ‘a couple of hours’ is it? Most weeks I do 2 hours with a concert band, 2 with a choir, a coffee or two with friends. Monthly(ish) restaurant and theatre visits, shopping, visiting interesting places…

You must be very lucky. That was never my experience, and nearly everyone I work with (remotely!) is currently full of a cold or has been within the last fortnight.

I haven’t had a cold for ages so mine is more like @ilovesooty
However these people have had a cold and are now better. I wouldn’t give up t(e fun bits of my life to avoid a head cold here or there.

I am like @ilovesooty . Hardly ill, right down to one big bout of covid but fought that off in a week. My team at work are falling like flies all the time.

All the time? So all of them I’ll a lot? Or one of them I’ll at any one time? It’s not my experience that many people are ill very much. Certainly nothing like @Howmanymoredays describes with medicated bout after bout on the tail of the last one, Debilitating her for half the year if she goes out in public at all.

Two cough/cold/chest episodes a year is still potentially a sixth of the time, if it takes a few weeks to get over each one.
There's nothing that can be done to help someone catch fewer viruses though, except to avoid exposure. It's not serious illness - you're just expected to dose up on Beechams and carry on plodding through life like that. People accept it is normal. Like I say, everyone I work with currently sounds rough - people seem to expect to be ill for the entire winter. I just think it is a miserable way to live, and becomes a struggle just to get through each day for months of the year.
Besides, I'm not in a concert band or choir, and have never met up with anyone for coffee or similar, so even if I made less effort to avoid people (i.e. colleagues and the general public at large), I wouldn't suddenly acquire a busy social life. I'd still be doing the same job I do now, just probably with a cough!

Ha, maybe it is just that the parts of my life involving other people were never really fun to begin with. So it's not so much of a sacrifice to give them up!

It doesn't take a few weeks to get over a cold if you have a atrong immune system, and im not sure that's just down to luck, it's lifestyle as well

I don't think most people I know accept it as normal to have several colds a year that they take weeks to recover from each time.
Obviously if you've never met up with anyone for a coffee and have no friends, meaningful social interaction or hobbies you don't have much to give up I suppose.

Well I don't drink or smoke, am a size 8 with a healthy diet, and it takes me a long time to recover from most viruses, so 🤷‍♀️
I tried all the cold defence sprays and multi vitamins etc... and it made no difference. The winter season was always a write off.

DD is a size 8, doesn't smoke and drinks very little. She also works in a pharmacy which is full of ill people, especially at this time of year, and commutes on public transport.

She doesn't have a great immune system but doesn't seem to get ill as frequently as you do, so I think it probably is worth pursuing why you seem to get ill so frequently and for such a long time.

Oh, they generally take turns to get ill. They also have young children in nursery to add to the mix.

The latest bout is a team member with a long standing chest infection that has lasted for weeks.

Another team member used up all her sick leave for the year in six months.

It is not unusual for a team member to be off sick for more than 2 days.

I have never been so ill that I could not work from home (except my first Covid but was over Easter). In fact, I have taken no sick days this year.

I guess some people must use sick leave entitlement as annual leave. <shrug>

This is what our place is like too. Except most people don't actually take much sick leave, as we can work remotely - they are just on calls coughing and spluttering, and with barely any voice. Some that suffer badly with chest infections do end up going off sick when they can no longer power through.
I expect my immune system is a little on the overactive side if anything - in that I have allergic reactions to quite a lot of things, and digestive issues that often go together with auto-immune conditions. And I seem to react strongly to vaccines compared to others (they floor me for days!) But nothing that would be considered outside the range of 'normal' in terms of medical intervention - just somewhere on the broad spectrum of the human condition. You just have to live with the body you are given, and make the best of it until such time as you no longer have to.

I was wondering this.

How do they manage sex and parenthood? Children are revolting surely? And sex involves all sorts of noises and breath and bodily excretions.

That’s very sad. Humans are social beings. I’d say you need to address both physical and mental health with a professional. They may be linked. Im not being condescending or whatevere. I genuinely think there’s an issue here. I don’t think everyone should be out all the time or doing loads of activities, but not to find any interactions with others fun and to feel like you are so ill you are dragging yourself through the whole winter (rather than 2 colds of 7 days each, for eg) is honestly not normal.

You know that thing where isolated tribes would be wiped out by a common cold imported by colonisers ......

I did wonder. But it’s highly unlikely they are all lifelong celibates (and thus childfree, obv.)

I would have thought it also has something to do with germ exposure over the years, over cleanliness probably doesn't help

Unfortunately there is nothing that medical professionals can do to change the way your body copes with everyday viruses. Just ask all the people abandoned when suffering from post viral fatigue, who can barely get out of bed because their immune system reacted badly to a cold one time. The only advice is to avoid exposure. I have had blood tests previously when very unwell, and everything was normal. Different people's bodies are just affected differently. It was only when lockdowns inadvertently shut everyone else out of my life I realised what it felt like to be well! Thankfully the type of job I do means I was able to make the change permanent.
As for finding social interactions fun; is anything in life really fun? It seems that most activities are just ways to pass the time; things people do ' just because' and I have yet to find any that are remotely enjoyable. Most hobbies that people have seem totally pointless, and not at all worth the effort they take. It is kind of easier when the expectation of having to go anywhere or do anything is totally removed - fewer chores to have to get through each day.