Increasingly hate sitting next to people

[Woollypullover]

and I don't know why.

Is anyone else like this? I'm BU and should be comfortable sitting next to people, shouldn't I? I never used to be like this.

This coming week, I wish I could avoid a trip to the theatre and lunch with a group in a restaurant because I don't want to sit next to anyone.

I even make excuses and turn up late, so I can sit on the end.

I'm BU aren't I?

Are you very overweight? Do you actually touch people when you sit next to them?

I’m probably unreasonable too, but I just hate other people physically close to me.

Planes, trains, offices etc. Obviously some situations can’t be helped, especially travel.

I remember being on a coach on the hottest day of the year (privately booked for a friends hen do) there were plenty of seats, I sat down expecting to have the next one free so I could spread out. I assumed everyone would do the same and take advantage that we’d all have 2 seats to ourselves. My friend came and sat directly next to me and I just got up, moved and said “I just need some space”. Everyone looked at me like I had 2 heads.

SOME people are interesting to talk to.

Some people like to rant about the price of carrier bags or tell you about their sister buying them a porcelain doll for Christmas in 1988 and getting increasingly irate or repeat “it’ll be my stop soon” over and over as though they are worried that you are planning to trap them in their seat forever and refuse to get up to let them out. This is after they sat next to you when the rest of the train carriage is empty.

It really is a lottery!
You can have a wonderful conversation and feel like it’s enhanced your life or you can fantasise about the person sitting next to you suddenly losing their voice and being unable to complete their anecdote about when their mum recorded over their video of Michael Jackson on top of the pops in 1992 with an episode of eastenders and how much that video meant to them.

I'm not surprised! Your friend sat next to you so you got up and moved?
I don't think I would be your friend for much longer.

My friend came and sat directly next to me and I just got up, moved and said “I just need some space”. Everyone looked at me like I had 2 heads.

Bloody hell! She's supposed to be your friend not a random stranger. Do you really not understand what kind of message this sends?

You have as good as told her that you don't like her.

I also hate sitting next to people. If I have to be on a group setting I choose end of row/close to door.

You don’t have to, if you don’t want to sit next to someone there is nothing stopping you buying two seats next to each other.

I don't like it on public transport because people (mostly males) have started to really stink in the last few years. I had to get off my tram early the other day because of the BO stench mixed with dirty coat smell. Then you throw in people watching phone videos on loudspeaker and people bumping off you and it can just be unbearable.

The amount of people who sneeze and cough and make zero effort to cover it up is astonishing.
There is never ventilation.

Yes, I include friends and family. I don't like sitting next to anyone

I'm not going to talk to people during a play at the theatre

Honestly, what is the world coming to? People from previous generations and eras would be astonished and baffled by the number of people who are now incapable of coping with totally normal human interaction and who are massively triggered by totally commonplace sights, smells, sounds and situations. It's really worrying imo.

I agree. People are just isolating themselves more and more.

It's sad.

I am getting on these days so maybe I represent a chattier time but earlier in the week I shared my maltesers with the bloke next to me on the train. Can’t remember what we chatted about but it made us laugh. Then another random joined in and after he got off we had a chat. I would say I am open to chat and so many other people are too. The noise of people, the fug of a warm day - it’s the less interesting part of people.

Friends and family- no problem.
Random strangers-no.
I would never sit at a table next to someone through choice. Or sit next to someone on public transport if there are other empty seats, I find those who do odd and my guard goes up.
I think Covid has reinforced how easy it is to catch germs from others and I like my personal space. There again, I am comfortable in my own space.
When I go on a plane, I always hope that the seat next to me is free. This is partly due to the fact a lot of men manspread and I don’t want them in my space. Plus the seats are not very big.
I’d much prefer it to be just me and dh.

Yes. And more and more it's being framed as a good and understandable thing that you can do to make life better for yourself. Shutting yourself away and becoming scared or or disgusted by sharing space and experiences with other human beings is categorically NOT good for the human race.

Isn’t that because the RAH and many UK theatres were built when the average person was smaller?

The modern cinema near me has spacious reclining seats, but the Victorian theatre feels cramped in comparison.

Ha yes I'm similar and will always buy an "end" at the cinema or theatre but I'm okay sitting next to my kids/husband.

I suspect this isn't that normal tbh and squeezed towards those of us that are ND /anxious/very introvert who might also be more likely to be posting on mumsnet... And on this thread...

I sat next to a man on a train yesterday who took an hour to eat a sandwich. He took 1 bite then placed it on his tray for 5 mins. Said sandwich had onion and really smelled. Meanwhile I have an awful cold, sneezing, coughing etc Used a tissue to cover my face but didn't seem to bother him placing his sandwich on the tray right next to me. He'll probably have cold too next week

My friend came and sat directly next to me and I just got up, moved and said “I just need some space”. Everyone looked at me like I had 2 heads.

And did you wonder why they looked at you like that? Are you still their friend?

I don’t think it’s anything to do with being ND.

I attend a lot of sporting events and in every single case the aisle seats are the always the ones sold first.

There was recently a satisfaction survey carried out by airlines looking at a range of factors including price, seat pitch, on board entertainment, food etc and they found out that the biggest single factor that impacted customer satisfaction was whether the adjacent seat was empty or not. If it was empty then people invariably scored their experience highly regardless of all other factors.

I would seek help if sitting next to friends/people you know is making you want to avoid going. Do you have other sensory issues? Nobody likes sitting next to loud or smelly people on a train, but you are describing something different. I would look into this as it is affecting your social life.

Probably, but that's pretty normal at this time of year. He could equally have caught the cold from his work colleague, his partner or child, his friend etc. It's pretty pointless stressing about how to avoid colds - you largely can't. I spend all day in rooms full of coughing, sneezing children all day. I actually haven't had a cold yet this winter though - maybe all the germ exposure has strengthened my immune system!

Yes I understand that but the level of revulsion many people have here of the small noises, the snacks, the smells and the whole just being close to people I think is more than the general preference out there.

I think I'm far more like it as someone ND than any of my fiends. They wouldn't seriously not go to cinema/theatre if it meant sitting in the middle of a row or next to strangers. But I suspect many on this thread, like myself, would rather not go.

Otherwise theatres and cinemas would have no one in the middle of the long rows would they...

I'm an introvert and not keen on sitting or standing next to strangers either. Not to the extent where it ruins my life in any way, but enough for me to choose an end of row seat for the theatre and I only take public transport very rarely. I always upgraded when flying so I had my own space completely, although my flying days are long over.

Many people smell of BO, or can't stop themselves from sniffing, coughing and sneezing everywhere. I don't want everyone else's cold, thank you. That includes people who stand too close when they're talking to you, just why?? I used to think I'd have a T-shirt made with the slogan:
"If I can smell your breath, you're TOO CLOSE....BACK OFF!!"
but of course never did.

I suspect people get more jammed up together in crowded countries; my experience in northern Scandinavia was of people and places with lots of space. People weren't crammed into small areas, they gave each other lots of space both indoors and outdoors etc.

To everyone saying it's "unnatural" not to like people sitting next to you, I actually wonder if it's a 'natural' reaction to human beings having to live in crowded towns and cities - environments which aren't actually 'natural' surroundings for human beings over the centuries?