Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

[FedUpOFTightCF]

My child is in a small class of 10 at a fee paying prep school - There is no financial assistance available, all parents pay the full fees. I'm the class rep and for the past three years we have been doing a whip round to buy some vouchers for the class teacher for Christmas. £20 per family. Every other parent manages to cough up without numerous reminders – for the past 2 years CF has been too “disorganised” to transfer the funds over but wants the card to be from “year 3”, at this point I've had enough. Mrs CF is notorious amongst the parents for wanting freebies ( can those of us with skills work unpaid for her, lend items ). free lifts and childcare and not reciprocating.

My child came from reception in a a state school where I would be aware of financial and other challenges for families preventing them from contributing to Christmas collections . Is not the case here. I'm off to buy the gift vouchers this weekend - planning to sign it from the other nine children and not from CF’s child - after four reminders - she's on WhatsApp all the time and busy posting in other school related groups I'm fed up of the rest of us subsidising her. Money doesn't appear to be an issue when she's going out for dinner or drinks with the other parents, just when it's time for the class collection year after year.As you can tell I'm not sympathetic. Has anyone else dealt with this and has some tips? Thank you

You could've saved a lot of words and just written #bekind 🤢🤢

Views like yours are grist to the mill for CFs and what they rely on.

State school here. Voucher set up but a £10 one (or what you can afford). I think it prob saves me money and hassle than if I bought something for teacher and TA plus some other organised mum is sorting it all out!! There’s no expectation to contribute and quite a few don’t. The card is always written from those who do contribute. It’s not passive aggressive- it’s just factual. If i didn’t contribute I would never expect to free load off some generic “from the class “ message on it. Never caused any issues for our lot. I do think £20 is excessive though.

All this angst on MN about teacher presents is ridiculous. There is absolutely no need to buy teachers presents and certainly no need to pressure other parents about it. Teacher gift coordinators shouldn't even be a thing. Induvidual families can give the teacher a card and maybe a box of chocolates or whatever, IF they really want to. It's not expected. I say this as a teacher of 30 years' standing (private and state schools). £20 per family is well OTT.

Your experience isn't everyone's experience. At the private school DS attends class gifts are very much an established norm and not contributing (£10-20 usually) would be noticed by the other parents. I prefer to just do so rather than have DS stand out.

OP, I suspect your previous messages haven't been direct enough if you've had to send multiple of them and still not had the desired response. I would personally send one final message, explaining that if the money isn't received by X day/time, you hope she'll understand that her DCs name won't be included.

But most government employees don’t have responsibility for the education, wellbeing and happiness of your children for most of the week! They also work in a profession that is underpaid for the responsibility- with no chance of a bonus. Don’t forget the TAs too - bet you wouldn’t fancy earning 1k a month.
Of course it’s down to the government really but I wouldn’t begrudge a teacher or TA a gift from a willing family!

Your experience isn't everyone's experience. At the private school DS attends class gifts are very much an established norm

Just because parents have established this as a norm, that doesn't mean teachers expect it or think it should be the norm. My experience is from a teacher's point of view, though I only once bought a present for my own dc's teacher and have never contributed to whole-class collections when there were any.

If I don’t contribute to the class gifts, I don’t expect my kids’ names to be on the card. Especially when parents can give any amount.

It’s unfortunate that it’s only one child in this case. If it were half the class, I suspect it would feel less strange but this doesn’t change the above.

You’re being completely reasonable but I’m not sure the teacher will notice one name missing on the card. I wouldn’t, honestly.

Unless there is a little message from each parent/child on the card in which case the teacher will actually read it. Otherwise they will just glance at it and assume it’s from the whole class.

So you could put on the WhatsApp: will be putting a little (one sentence) from each child for the teacher please put them on this chat thank you. Then she will be forced to opt in or out.

I have worked in schools where there are strict limits about the value of gifts we are allowed to accept because of the potential for bribery. I think it was £30 max.

I went to a private school and the fees were paid by a relative in another country. My family was below the poverty line. I'm not making a comment about this specific situation but you can't universally assume you know someone's financial situation because they are at a fee paying school.

The TAs choose to do that job knowing the salary. Their choice. They aren't saving lives here. Yes it's an important job but I don't think a john lewis voucher is going to make up for the government not paying them well enough.

That's insane. My kids are at a London primary and I can think of maybe 3 or 4 families who would be able to afford that

Perfect

Bloody hell, I'm a teacher and can't believe those gifts!

Anyway, totally fair not to get involved in whip rounds - I just think then the mum is being given opportunities to say no thanks, we'll do our own thing rather than claiming to be involved but not contributing.

It's not just about money, its also the effort and work that goes into organising that people like cf just take for granted

£40 a child is insane!! And at a state primary even, I'm really shocked. Some of the best things I've received from kids are a little handwritten note or something special to them like a shell or fairy cake from the bake sale. It's really not needed!

As a teacher I love to receive cards, gifts and vouchers however I don't in any way judge parents or children who don't! If I was going to judge a family it would be on whether their child was being brought up to be kind, hard working, helpful and open minded. But I don't really judge the kids for anything their parents do or don't do and as my own parenting is far from perfect I try not to judge parents either

Many years ago, soon after my DC started at school, I arranged a class Christmas collection. I signed the card on behalf of the children whose parents had contributed. Honestly, didn't occur to me do otherwise. I wasn't trying to shame anyone. But I don't understand why a parent would expect any credit / thanks for a gift they hadn't contributed to

Just give everyone the same deadline for payment and if it’s not paid their names not on the card. Stop chasing payments. I wouldn’t want to contribute (although I’d just tell you that!).

This year at my son's primary school, we're all getting individual gifts (previous years, it was a voucher from the class). He had a great time choosing the gift for his teacher.

I work in a secondary school so don't receive a big gift from the class etc. However, I do receive small individual gifts that are meaningful. One year for Christmas, a student gave me a pot noodle because she noticed that I often have one at my desk and thought I must like them. I also get handmade cards and knitted items.

Ugh I had the same when I was class rep a couple of years ago (also private school and I think £20 is fine, we do similar).

The CF even had the cheek to message with suggestions for the gift in the class WhatsApp 😳 moments after I had reminded her privately that she hadn't contributed. She never did.

I think she was so rich she saw £20 as nothing and easy for me to just cover it, that it was no big deal.

She didn't get the teacher a separate gift either. I signed the card off from all of us as it isn't the kid's fault his mum is a CF.

I’m a teacher of many many years and I totally disagree with buying presents for teachers

Dh is a teacher, what he'd like for Christmas is a card with a few kind words and less school WhatsApp groups doing the rounds!!

People tip their hairdressers?

No.