To be absolutely furious with my father?

[PortaSix]

My father and is wife are both in their 50’s and are having another baby. None of my business, it’s not what I would want to do but it’s up to them.

We were at a family gathering and the subject of death came up and what would happen with our children. My dad then announced “oh I just assumed Porta would take them in”

Like, wtf?! Did he not think this was a conversation to have BEFORE having babies in old age? They have a 10 year old, a 3 year old and now another one on the way.

I’ve had my babies. I had mine in my early 20’s so that my 40 my kids will be grown. I do not want to take on any ther children. I am so mad that he just thought I would take on his children like this without any sort of discussion. Aibu?

Brother in law and sister in law

So you’d be happy to see your own siblings go into care? Wow.

When you think of it though even young parents are in this position - both of them could die young and who would have their kids? - grandparents? Siblings? Who would you have wanted to take care of your children OP if you (and your children’s father) had died in your 20s/30s?
Thankfully most people don’t have to worry about that.
You don’t have to take on the care of anyone children if you don’t want to, hopefully you never will be in that position. It’s not like your Dad is in his 80s.

Very strong family history of cancer.

The poster you have quoted has come to a decision about their child free status. If their parent made a stupid decision to have a child while in their 50s, why should the pp's life be turned upside down with no discussion by the stupid decisions of stupid people?

Save your ire for the numpties procreating at an age when they shouldn't be.

Jesus Christ that's mean, they are family

Agree a conversation should have been had.
We asked DM, should anything happen to us prematurely, and she said she wouldn't take them but would arrange with social services for care. Thankfully, we are both still here now they are grown up.

They might change their mind if it came to the reality of it though!
Just because it’s in your will it doesn’t mean they have to take them.
Did you decide this with them before you became pregnant?

That's easy to say when you're not in that situation.

I wouldn't want to take in anyone else's children either. I've reared mine and I didn't have them young (though not nearly as old as in this case!!)

They should have bloody thought this through before going full steam ahead!

Personally I think they are mad!

Being childfree by choice means I don't want children regardless of where they come from. I'm in my 50s, no way would I want to be lumbered with children at my age. You can wow all you like, I would not be taking on anyone else's children.

It's not just that the older couple is expecting too much - it's the fact that they've actually gone out of their way to create another child who would not be here in the ordinary course of events.

I'm hoping that they'll stop now, but who knows?

Nobody has any intention of dying young and leaving their kids. It happens though.

It's putting the cart before the horse a bit isn't it. I mean there's two of them and neither of them are dead yet lol. It's all hypothetical.

Has DF/SM helped you considerably with childcare for your DC? If so, can see why they may have presumed it but it’s still incredibly rude of them to blurt it out and not ask before!

Personally I find it selfish intentionally trying to get pregnant in your fifties but each to their own.

Not the point but I'm 53 with a 15 year old and that's exhausting enough. 50's with a baby, no thank you!

And YANBU

What’s your point? Literally anyone could do this. The point is we sat down and asked them and it gave us the opportunity to ask someone else if they said no. We didn’t make any assumptions. Despite only being 20 at the time, I was responsible and thought ahead.

No they live 300 miles away. I seen them maybe twice a year

Very cheeky then! Like you I had my dc early/mid twenties and would not want to be raising children in my late forties!

If they survive another 8 years, the eldest child will be 18, and could theoretically at least (though a horrible idea in reality) care for the younger siblings?

Yes but having children later than nature allows knowing the increased risks of not being around as they grow, is not something that should be done without discussion with all those affected.

@PortaSix would be directly affected if they are expecting her to take on the care of the kids. They should have had this conversation BEFORE the IVF and made the decision whether to have another based on the fact that she has no intention of taking them on.

Someone being family doesnt mean that they trump everything else ffs!! Why should she have to extend her childrearing years, against her will, just because they are family?!

What was he like as a dad when you were young? Was he very hands on?

Me neither

Nope! Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great dad to his kids but he was pretty crappy with me. But I don’t care anymore really, I have my own family now.

The other things that pisses me off is it’s not just about death at that age. A good friend of mine dropped out of uni and gave up on her dream career because he older parents needed care. Her dad had Alzheimer’s and her mum wasn’t well enough to look after him properly. I just feel like they haven’t thought this through at all.

Very different situation, they shouldn't be popping out children in their 50's and expecting his daughter to look after them when they go.

They haven't thought this through at all. It's the IVF that astonishes me.